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<blockquote data-quote="your father is" data-source="post: 1741494" data-attributes="member: 5475">Hot, dry wind blew dust off the Talenta Plains, and in through the cracked door of the House of Healing.&nbsp; Great, evocative beginning.&nbsp; The only thing missing here is a strong POV character.&nbsp; We get one in a few short paragraphs, but I think this would have been stronger if presented from inside the skull of one specific person.&nbsp; It would also eliminate awkward locutions like:&nbsp; Though only three feet tall, anyone there would have been certain the halfling was staring down at the intruder.&nbsp; &quot;Anyone there&quot; pulls me right out of the story -- I want to belive I'm there!&nbsp; The POV-thing is really my only issue with the prose.&nbsp; The story plays out well, the characters competently presented.&nbsp; And you fit so much in! Did you write in Times New Roman?&nbsp; As noted in a previous post, the dialogue has a modern feel, which I think is cool, though I wasn't so brave with my own submission.&nbsp; I'm not sure if WotC still want these to feel like D&amp;D (ie. medieval) or not.&nbsp; So... good stuff, but maybe try a tighter POV next time <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile&nbsp; &nbsp; :)"&nbsp; data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></blockquote>

[QUOTE="your father is, post: 1741494, member: 5475"] [i]Hot, dry wind blew dust off the Talenta Plains, and in through the cracked door of the House of Healing.[/i] Great, evocative beginning. The only thing missing here is a strong POV character. We get one in a few short paragraphs, but I think this would have been stronger if presented from inside the skull of one specific person. It would also eliminate awkward locutions like: [i]Though only three feet tall, anyone there would have been certain the halfling was staring down at the intruder.[/i] "Anyone there" pulls me right out of the story -- I want to belive [i]I'm[/i] there! The POV-thing is really my only issue with the prose. The story plays out well, the characters competently presented. And you fit so much in! Did you write in Times New Roman? As noted in a previous post, the dialogue has a modern feel, which I think is cool, though I wasn't so brave with my own submission. I'm not sure if WotC still want these to feel like D&D (ie. medieval) or not. So... good stuff, but maybe try a tighter POV next time :) [/QUOTE]

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