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Best way to subtlely remind the inlaws of my name?
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<blockquote data-quote="xrpsuzi" data-source="post: 3971399" data-attributes="member: 10675"><p>This was Joe and my original plan as well--to hyphenate and create a new last name we would both use. While it was super easy for me to change my name (just a line on the application of marriage), it was more of an ordeal for Joe, so we ended up keeping our respective last names. I joked with my friends that I'm a feminist out of laziness <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>However, keeping our last names didn't happen until <strong>after</strong> we printed our announcements, so we got a lot of cards and gifts with our hyphenated names. It's been almost 7 years and I still get cards/gifts addressed to Suzi Browning or Suzi Yee-Browning all the time, even from my folks (who know very well that I never changed my name). <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>If it's family and friends, I typically don't correct them. I know that by doing that, they are just trying to acknowledge Joe and our marriage when addressing me and I grant them that indulgence b/c it isn't malicious or oppressive (like another poster mentioned about his aunt), more like a nod to Joe's contribution to my life.</p><p></p><p>But I will correct service acquaintances, and business contacts because it's important that they know and use my legal name. I also correct people if they make the mistake the first time they meet me. When we moved to a small town, it took people a long time to understand that we were married, but we have different last names. It took a few curious (or nosy <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />) people to ask me directly (whispers and under breath of course), and they spread the word to the rest of the community.</p><p></p><p>That said, I would use the family information chain. Talk to a family member on his side that gets it right and say something like "Does Aunt X know that we hyphenated our last names? b/c it's been 7 years and she still uses the wrong last name...." I know that half the stuff I say to my sister-in-law usually gets filter to my in laws and I get most of my family news by talking to my mom and sister. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Also keep in mind that it may be a harder pill to swallow for the guy's family than for yours--you're bucking tradition and while it may have been ok between you and your husband, it's still their name you are rejecting (by virtue of not taking his family name and your husband changing his name to include yours)</p><p></p><p>Obviously, I don't see the choice as an inherant rejection (I adore my inlaws), but that doesn't mean that they might not see it that way.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and hope you find a satisfying resolution</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="xrpsuzi, post: 3971399, member: 10675"] This was Joe and my original plan as well--to hyphenate and create a new last name we would both use. While it was super easy for me to change my name (just a line on the application of marriage), it was more of an ordeal for Joe, so we ended up keeping our respective last names. I joked with my friends that I'm a feminist out of laziness ;) However, keeping our last names didn't happen until [b]after[/b] we printed our announcements, so we got a lot of cards and gifts with our hyphenated names. It's been almost 7 years and I still get cards/gifts addressed to Suzi Browning or Suzi Yee-Browning all the time, even from my folks (who know very well that I never changed my name). :) If it's family and friends, I typically don't correct them. I know that by doing that, they are just trying to acknowledge Joe and our marriage when addressing me and I grant them that indulgence b/c it isn't malicious or oppressive (like another poster mentioned about his aunt), more like a nod to Joe's contribution to my life. But I will correct service acquaintances, and business contacts because it's important that they know and use my legal name. I also correct people if they make the mistake the first time they meet me. When we moved to a small town, it took people a long time to understand that we were married, but we have different last names. It took a few curious (or nosy :)) people to ask me directly (whispers and under breath of course), and they spread the word to the rest of the community. That said, I would use the family information chain. Talk to a family member on his side that gets it right and say something like "Does Aunt X know that we hyphenated our last names? b/c it's been 7 years and she still uses the wrong last name...." I know that half the stuff I say to my sister-in-law usually gets filter to my in laws and I get most of my family news by talking to my mom and sister. :) Also keep in mind that it may be a harder pill to swallow for the guy's family than for yours--you're bucking tradition and while it may have been ok between you and your husband, it's still their name you are rejecting (by virtue of not taking his family name and your husband changing his name to include yours) Obviously, I don't see the choice as an inherant rejection (I adore my inlaws), but that doesn't mean that they might not see it that way. Good luck and hope you find a satisfying resolution [/QUOTE]
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