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Message: <blockquote data-quote="PolletteIrieska" data-source="post: 3973848" data-attributes="member: 58795">I'm kinda in the same boat as you, Kahuna. I didn't change my last name at marriage because I'm very proud of my family name and while it hurts my very traditional husband's feelings a bit that I never changed it, he understands my reasons and agreed that it was the right choice for us.We did make the choice to give our daughter his last name, though, mainly because he's hispanic and we feel that giving her his last name will open a lot of doors for her in the college years.The problem of different last names has come up with us, and subtlety, while very polite, doesn't work. After three years of marriage, we had to sit down with his family and explain to them calmly and firmly that I intend to keep my surname in perpetuity and it was wrong of them to disregard our feelings by insisting on ignoring a decision that we both made. Surprisingly, it was the matriarch of his family, his 80+ year old grandmother, that came around first. What made the difference, I believe, was that pointing out that the decision was discussed and mutual. Try taking an open and firm approach with your family, send them thank you cards with the correction, send out a christmas letter or a update letter on the meatball on their birthday and make sure you sign it from the household. You may alienate a few of them, but fences mend with time and care, and you obviously care very much about their feelings. You shouldn't be afraid to stand up and ask them to care about yours, as well.</blockquote>

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