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<blockquote data-quote="Quickleaf" data-source="post: 8035741" data-attributes="member: 20323"><p>If you're reading something aloud, no matter how good your delivery is, it's not going to make up for poor writing, whether that's a speech or boxed text. Unfortunately, I've seen more examples of poor boxed text than of excellent boxed text.</p><p></p><p>Common problems with boxed text I've seen in modules include fixating on details (such as room dimensions) which the players aren't immediately going to care about, failing to mention the presence of monsters until the very last line, using stilted language that doesn't naturally flow when read aloud, and including excessive detail mismatched to the room's "narrative weight" (e.g. the entrance to the dungeon & transitions between major areas deserve more description, other rooms less so).</p><p></p><p>For instance, the guidelines for Adventurer's League writers are that boxed text never exceed what a DM could read at a natural pace in 15-20 seconds. That works out to 4 to 5 lines in a document with two-column format and typical margins. That's a good guideline – very consistent with most players' actual attention spans, at least in my experience.</p><p></p><p>Here's an example of boxed text as I write it for my home game:</p><p></p><p>[EXCERPT]This massive chamber is decorated with murals depicting the weighing of the heart in the afterlife. At the far (northern) end is a stone sarcophagus adorned with serpentine motifs and Hieroglyphics, beyond which stands a motionless mummy wearing a headdress and holding a lotus fan. Hanging from chains behind the mummy are a pair of unlit bronze braziers. Four identical doors line the walls, though the northwest door is ajar.[/EXCERPT]</p><p></p><p>Then below, I'd have other details which the players might ask about in follow-up questions:</p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">The chamber is 65-foot by 40-foot, with a 15-foot ceiling.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">A hint of nose-tingling menthol-like spice lingers in the air, coming from the unlit braziers.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">The "mummy" is actually made of iron, but is wrapped in funerary linens.</li> </ul><p>Besides conveying the room to the players, part of the purpose for this boxed text is to make sure I'm describing foreshadowing elements that hint at other things in this dungeon. For instance, describing the murals foreshadows a certain enemy. Taking the time to mention that the braziers are "bronze" and "unlit" and "hanging from chains" is meant to reinforce their presence in the minds of the players when they confront that enemy and find that it is unharmed by their non-magical weapons (so there is better chance of a player going "aha! I can light those braziers and use them as an improvised weapon!"). Notice also how I mention the main potential threat – the "mummy" – twice, to reinforce its presence to the players. However, I do not jump into describing what the Hieroglyphics say because that would be assuming action from the players (seems obvious, but there's boxed text that violates this all over the place).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Quickleaf, post: 8035741, member: 20323"] If you're reading something aloud, no matter how good your delivery is, it's not going to make up for poor writing, whether that's a speech or boxed text. Unfortunately, I've seen more examples of poor boxed text than of excellent boxed text. Common problems with boxed text I've seen in modules include fixating on details (such as room dimensions) which the players aren't immediately going to care about, failing to mention the presence of monsters until the very last line, using stilted language that doesn't naturally flow when read aloud, and including excessive detail mismatched to the room's "narrative weight" (e.g. the entrance to the dungeon & transitions between major areas deserve more description, other rooms less so). For instance, the guidelines for Adventurer's League writers are that boxed text never exceed what a DM could read at a natural pace in 15-20 seconds. That works out to 4 to 5 lines in a document with two-column format and typical margins. That's a good guideline – very consistent with most players' actual attention spans, at least in my experience. Here's an example of boxed text as I write it for my home game: [EXCERPT]This massive chamber is decorated with murals depicting the weighing of the heart in the afterlife. At the far (northern) end is a stone sarcophagus adorned with serpentine motifs and Hieroglyphics, beyond which stands a motionless mummy wearing a headdress and holding a lotus fan. Hanging from chains behind the mummy are a pair of unlit bronze braziers. Four identical doors line the walls, though the northwest door is ajar.[/EXCERPT] Then below, I'd have other details which the players might ask about in follow-up questions: [LIST] [*]The chamber is 65-foot by 40-foot, with a 15-foot ceiling. [*]A hint of nose-tingling menthol-like spice lingers in the air, coming from the unlit braziers. [*]The "mummy" is actually made of iron, but is wrapped in funerary linens. [/LIST] Besides conveying the room to the players, part of the purpose for this boxed text is to make sure I'm describing foreshadowing elements that hint at other things in this dungeon. For instance, describing the murals foreshadows a certain enemy. Taking the time to mention that the braziers are "bronze" and "unlit" and "hanging from chains" is meant to reinforce their presence in the minds of the players when they confront that enemy and find that it is unharmed by their non-magical weapons (so there is better chance of a player going "aha! I can light those braziers and use them as an improvised weapon!"). Notice also how I mention the main potential threat – the "mummy" – twice, to reinforce its presence to the players. However, I do not jump into describing what the Hieroglyphics say because that would be assuming action from the players (seems obvious, but there's boxed text that violates this all over the place). [/QUOTE]
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