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Message: <blockquote data-quote="fba827" data-source="post: 4373099" data-attributes="member: 807">Before I say anything else, let me say nice summaries.  Each of them seem like great starting theme.To me, this is the most solid of the 4 in terms of how it's presented.  It gives the feel and it gives a good idea of what sort of adventures they'll have.   Something about this felt clunky to read and I had to re-read several of the sentences two or three times just to make sure I was reading it right.  I can't quite put my finger on what it was... just, some how, something seemed disjointed and non-flowing in thought  (or maybe it's just really late for me).This one is great at setting the starting scene, but (the way it is presented) it doesn't sound like it would make a great campaign (i.e. multiple sessions).Yes, you're imprisoned. Yes, you're going to have a daring escape. Yes, you'll have to survive in the desert outside. Yes, you'll be a fugutive ....But then what?  As much as is presented, it just doesn't sound like it will offer a viable, continued, adventure-full campaign experience.I guess "too open ended" would be a good way to describe the impression it gives me.   If it had some other hook built in, as to what they had to do once they escaped...As an example (yes, this is a very very corny example, but just trying to show what I am trying to say) ... maybe an additional line like  "you got this map from a fellow inmate. it is gold beyond your wildest dreams, you all agree that any of you that survives the escape and treasure hunt will split the gold to start your new lives"  -- something like that just gives that extra 'what will we do after we escape' otherwise, I don't think it shows itself to be strong enough to carry itself long term.Even if you have a campaign's worth of adventure ideas, it's the players that you need to convince with the blurb.Just to make it sound juicier, instead of just saying "intrigue" in the title line for this campaign, perhaps say 'political intrigue' -- it just places more emphasis on the presence of that.And, the third sentence (that's starts "From the slums...") something seems missing or out of place ...----anyway, those are just my thoughts after reading it over.  As said up top though, overall they are all good stuff, they all sound like they would be fun.  I am just purposely picking apart at it all since you asked. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></blockquote>

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