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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rodrigo Istalindir" data-source="post: 3087957" data-attributes="member: 2810">Round 1a -- Judgements from maxfieldjadenfoxJudgements from maxfieldjadenfoxHellefire vs NiTessineThe CureNiTessine Nicely articulated world. While there isn't a lot of dialogue, each character comes across as an individual. The beholder is especially well written. Picture Use: I thought the picture use was relatively strong, and being the D&D geek I am, I especially liked the Beholder and the Gulthias fruit. Nice twisted use of the images. The picture of the odd man was kind of a toss off, but did fit Alambur's illness pretty well. I appreciated the sense of a complete story, with a beginning, middle and end, which sometimes doesn't happen with CDM. Nice description without getting overwrought. Picky stuff:  The clergy of Hereloke were, not was. "The lock was open, and Crimban merely had to pull it open" is redundant. What about, "The door was unlocked"? All in all, a readable and enjoyable tale.  Long Live the King?Hellefire This was an interesting concept. I hope I'm getting this as a reference to Elvis' twin who died at birth? I'm guessing the name Esid is a reference to something but I wasn't able to rearrange the letters to anything but dies. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> Picture Use: The funeral ship is an OK use of the photo, but I would have liked a bit more description. The photo of the odd man, as in NiTessine's piece, was a bit of a toss off. That being said, I'm not sure what more either of you could have done with it. The eyeball photo was used literally, as a surgery. I thought Esid looking for "the King" and ultimately coming to the conclusion that he might be alive was really fun, but the twin muddied the waters. Actually, I had a hard time pinning the story down. It was an amusing concept, with some cool imagery  going for it, but overall it felt incomplete. Maybe if I hadn't read Halivar's entry first and already figured the "King" in the story was Elvis, the O'Henry twist at the end would have worked better for me. [sblock]Judgment for NiTessine. [/sblock]Taladas vs WildGazeboSanctuaryTaladas This is a very short story. A vignette, really. And yet, it has a beginning, a middle and an end. I like the red and the blood imagery repeating over and over. It was implied by the photos, but was used nicely in this concise piece. Picture Use: The gazebo as a menacing reminder of a past incident, as well as a frequently visited place, works well for me and doesn't feel contrived. The bloody eyes piece is described well for the possession. The balloons picture use is not as strong, but serviceable. All in all, I feel like this piece tells a story. There isn't much to it and I would be happier if it were fleshed out, but at the same time it does have resolution.  Of Eloquence and Understanding: To WitWild Gazebo This story has some really evocative images, and a dreamy, melancholy mood. That being said, I really was never sure what it was about. Maybe I am too concrete, but I don't believe so. I don't mind a meandering story, but I want a pay off and I didn't get one here. If the last line had been something about running home to find Mother, or something like that, I would have a clue what the whole thing was leading up to. Picture Use: The description of the pictures is lovely here, and trying to tie them together as clues is admirable. But they don't necessarily need to be in the story. Even the gazebo feels extraneous and it is part of the garden. Maybe the problem is, while I am a lover of words, I feel like this piece uses too many big ones. There are some neat turns of phrase, but lots of misuses and misspellings.Example- Pilot for Pilate, furry for fury, penitents for penitence. (tell me if that's a European spelling) They are minor but they add up. I never understood the attack on the gazebo, or why Bunt ended up back at the Madonna statue, or what the clues actually were leading to, because they felt disparate. Confusing bits: "He certainly was a nice fellow, er lady" How was this person nice? And why penitence to consumption? I don't really see evidence of Bunt being a conspicuous consumer, just a diligent worker... Maybe I missed the point. I appreciate the overall Lovecraftian mood of the piece, but I would encourage you to think more about the story you're telling and less about the tricky turns of phrase.[sblock]Judgement for Taladas[/sblock]Paka vs DeuceTravellerFirst Baby Step Toward the World's EndPaka I really liked this concept. It's witty and well executed. Picture Use: Man near pipes. This photo sets up the whole story. The doll in the blanket furthers the story and the slide ends it nicely. Overall, I think the picture use is pretty strong here. The story is charming. The characters are nicely defined and well written. This is an example of how a short story should work, it's clear and concise, gives me a real sense of character and place and follows through.  The 22nd Anniversary of a HomecomingDeuce Traveler I always enjoy stories of some magical realm intersecting with ours. PETPC Made me laugh. Picture Use: The homunculus in the blanket was funny and did advance the story. The slide and pipes pictures really were throw aways, just fixtures at locations that weren't really important to the story. The idea of the Derro as crime lords is an interesting one, and Robert the repo man is a sympathetic character. I'd like to see what you could do with this story without the picture restrictions. Feels like part of a longer piece. [sblock]Vote for Paka[/sblock] Halivar vs Aris DragonbornBilly's ReckoningHalivar I got a huge kick out of Billy's Reckoning. I thought the characters were well done and I about wet myself over the "the democrats won" line. Picture Use: The house photo was kind of a toss off, but it did establish a sense of place for these folk. The machine was obviously the time machine and is very important to the plot, and the  star kid photo was used in an interesting way. Billy and Vern are great characters. The setting and plot worked well. I think they should have spent a bit more time in the future as everything after they were fed beer and steak seemed a bit rushed. All in all though, a fun and nicely crafted tale. Default to Halivar</blockquote>

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