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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rodrigo Istalindir" data-source="post: 3089319" data-attributes="member: 2810">Judgment for Round 1b, Match 7 - yangnome vs KassiopeiamaxfieldjadenfoxKassiopeia Vs Yangnome Aftershock This is an interesting concept, post apocalypse of some kind, or merely the slow descent into madness that we've already started? I enjoyed the tone, and the execution was good, but there's just not much "there" there, if you know what I mean. Picture use:I think the picture use is weak here. The alien guy pic was kind of a toss off, didn't really end up showing up anywhere after the first bit. Unfortunately, I felt the same way about the parade and jackhammer pictures. The jackhammer use was clever in the context of the story, but the girl's gesture is so clear that writing that she was wiping her brow instead of making a loser sign robs it of it's importance. The parade happens and is a chance to explain that the children are leaving, but not much else. Truly effective picture use winds through the story in some meaningful way. All in all, a good effort, with some lovely funny, ironic bits, but a little sparse and too quickly wrapped up for my taste. Yangnome A dramatic entry. I thought the format was a good way to tell a CDM story, and the voice was strong. I wish the ending had been just a bit less random. Had he killed the girl who tormented him, it would have felt more symmetrical to me, but that being said, it would have also been more formulaic, so points for originality. Picture use: The alien picture was well used. It set up the whole story and was an integral part of it. The other two didn't work as well, although the homecoming float was the inciting incident (used at the end of the story. interesting). The loser girl seemed kind of shoe horned into the story, but it was a good attempt. This was well written and the bitter edge of the character is apparent, especially in the Elephant Man line. I would have preferred the word bitch to whore, since whore didn't really fit the girl's actions, but that's just me. Both outsider stories, but I think this time the stronger one is Yangnome's. Rodrigo IstalindirYangnome – A grim story, full of foreshadowing and foreboding.  Some stories try to hide their ending for shock value; some reveal it early to the same effect.  The main characters monologue is dark and depressing and very well executed, hindered only by some typos and a couple awkward tense shifts and transitions.  Still, very well done.  This story strikes a chord, I suspect, in pretty much everyone.  I’ve learned in the years since high-school that some of the people I thought had  it all together and everything going for them had the same issues and problems as the rest of us; even the popular kids can feel alienated and disaffected.Picture use is good all around.   The ‘L for Loser’ was a creative use, and integral to the story.  The ‘Prom parade’ was an effective and inevitable conclusion.  Saving the ‘alien’ photo for the end is a wise choice, much better than tipping your hand early.Kassiopeia –Wow, what a tantalizing story.  I love it when I get dumped into a strange environment and have to puzzle things out from hints and indirect references.  The beginning is especially strong, veering from normal to weird.  Very well executed.  There is so much here that I want to know more about.The payoff doesn’t live up to the set-up, though.  You do a wonderful job of laying the groundwork for something, well, shocking, and unfortunately things seem to taper off without enough resolution or explanation to satisfy.  There is the core of something really cool here, something that I’d like to see revisited in a more substantial work.Picture use is mixed.  The ‘alien’ photo is kind of a throw-away; I’m not sure if it was purely the protagonist’s imagination or a real effect of his affliction.  The ‘Farewell’ parade is intriguing; more details in the story would have been welcome, but there is a synergy there that gives it a nice creepy air.  The ‘woman with the jackhammer’ seems a bit weak; the picture is clearly important to the ending, but the setup isn’t there.Kassiopeia has the threads of a really neat story, but they dangle just out of reach.  Yangnome’s story is a tad conventional and predictable, but is well executed, and with stronger picture use.  Judgement for yangnome.Yangnome advances 2-0.</blockquote>

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