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Message: <blockquote data-quote="MarauderX" data-source="post: 1844157" data-attributes="member: 9990">I just read through a few stories and thought I'd add my input, for what it's worth.  Take everything with a grain of salt as I am in no way the best writer and don't need to be a critic of any sort.  RangerWickett: HungerI like the story concept a lot, and kept reading faster to discover what was next as I sensed the upcoming twist.  I felt slowed down by a few redundant sentences that could be edited down or combined into one, and felt the use of conjunctions ("but" in particular) could be changed to avoid it in adjacent sentences.  Comma use is a pet peeve of mine, and there were occasions when I had to reread a part to understand the phrasing to catch the meaning.  The way you used the pictures was great, I love it.  Eluvan: A Token GestureI always found it easy to litter my writing with lots of descriptors, adjectives and adverbs, but found them detracting from the story here.  For instance, "contrasting strongly": we already know what contrasting means, and contrasting any other way than strongly, well, isn't contrasting.  For the descriptions, give me some space to imagine the details for myself, tell me about the important things and keep the story moving along.  I liked how the character develops, finding his way and who he is.  I don't think I am as patient as other readers, as I wanted to know what was in his pocket as soon as he woke up, but I'm sure others would appreciate it.  <Shameless Plug> I would recommend to everyone Stephan King's On Writing as it covers most of the hard-n-fast rules to producing some good stuff.  It also happens to be the latest book for the ENWorld book club - what a coincidence! </SP></blockquote>

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