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Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
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<blockquote data-quote="BigTom" data-source="post: 2345231" data-attributes="member: 16366"><p>Berandor, thanks for your commentary. My reply is in the spoiler box.</p><p></p><p>[sblock]</p><p>Andor is 17, not quite a boy and not fully grown into manhood. I wanted him right on the cusp, as this is his real passage into manhood. You are right though, more descriptives were needed.</p><p>The king luring him into the next room was an editing gaffe. What was supposed to happen was that the next room had an illusionary floor. Since the king could float, he could cross it. Seeing the trap was what was supposed to alert Andor. However, time ran short and I did this way to fast.</p><p>You are also right about the abrupt ending. I do have an epilogue to the story, and will post it after judgements. At 3am when I was finishing writing, I realized I was still over 5000 words. Losing the epilogue cut it down just enough, and at that point seemed like the best solution.</p><p>My real problem was, the story was really about 7000 words long and I crammed it into 5000 words for the contest.</p><p>[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BigTom, post: 2345231, member: 16366"] Berandor, thanks for your commentary. My reply is in the spoiler box. [sblock] Andor is 17, not quite a boy and not fully grown into manhood. I wanted him right on the cusp, as this is his real passage into manhood. You are right though, more descriptives were needed. The king luring him into the next room was an editing gaffe. What was supposed to happen was that the next room had an illusionary floor. Since the king could float, he could cross it. Seeing the trap was what was supposed to alert Andor. However, time ran short and I did this way to fast. You are also right about the abrupt ending. I do have an epilogue to the story, and will post it after judgements. At 3am when I was finishing writing, I realized I was still over 5000 words. Losing the epilogue cut it down just enough, and at that point seemed like the best solution. My real problem was, the story was really about 7000 words long and I crammed it into 5000 words for the contest. [/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
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