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Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
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<blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 2354646" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>Interesting comments! Thanks, guys. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>To bridge the time until the next judgement, let's address the newest entry.</p><p></p><p><strong>reveal, [not a fantasy story]</strong> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p>[sblock]First off, I didn't think the grandma-unfriendliness was out of line. Though when posting here, you might have written "Well, f*** you, too!" That was the only problematic word I could make out in there.</p><p>What I liked was that you gave us the outcome up front. We knew both <s>Eddie and Susan</s> Eric and Sonia would survive, so we could enjoy the getting there. Sonia winning the match was good; I doubt she could have been "saved" by a stronger man (the chip on her shoulder, you know? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) - though even silenced guns are usually quite loud, and Fat Jack died very quietly.</p><p>One thing I noticed was that Eric thought, "Tomorrow I will die for love", which seemed to be only in there because it's a cool thing to write. He didn't make any preperations for getting killed (calling family or friends, for example), and in the segment after this statement, he's still planning to save Sonia and leave with her. I also wondered where Sonia sleeps, since Eric spends roughly 24 hours in her apartment without her showing up.</p><p>Other than these two, though, this story continues the string of good entries so far. I liked it a lot. Thank you.</p><p><em>The Pictures</em></p><p>The "snowmen" is an interesting idea - what a great amusement park that would be, as long as there are no people in snowman costumes prancing about. But to the story, it could be any kind of refuge - perhaps if not for its quiet. The "marbles" were a great idea. Just using it as an art project wouldn't have been a good use, but the explanation was very nice. "Fat Jack" was a good use, but fairly straightforward. Since Fat Jack has an important part in the story, however, the picture is fine. "Sparring", finally, shows maybe the key moment of the story, when Sonia beats Eric and herself in a way. I'm not sure you can block a leg sweep and push it that high, but who cares? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Berandor, post: 2354646, member: 225"] Interesting comments! Thanks, guys. :) To bridge the time until the next judgement, let's address the newest entry. [b]reveal, [not a fantasy story][/b] ;) [sblock]First off, I didn't think the grandma-unfriendliness was out of line. Though when posting here, you might have written "Well, f*** you, too!" That was the only problematic word I could make out in there. What I liked was that you gave us the outcome up front. We knew both [s]Eddie and Susan[/s] Eric and Sonia would survive, so we could enjoy the getting there. Sonia winning the match was good; I doubt she could have been "saved" by a stronger man (the chip on her shoulder, you know? :)) - though even silenced guns are usually quite loud, and Fat Jack died very quietly. One thing I noticed was that Eric thought, "Tomorrow I will die for love", which seemed to be only in there because it's a cool thing to write. He didn't make any preperations for getting killed (calling family or friends, for example), and in the segment after this statement, he's still planning to save Sonia and leave with her. I also wondered where Sonia sleeps, since Eric spends roughly 24 hours in her apartment without her showing up. Other than these two, though, this story continues the string of good entries so far. I liked it a lot. Thank you. [i]The Pictures[/i] The "snowmen" is an interesting idea - what a great amusement park that would be, as long as there are no people in snowman costumes prancing about. But to the story, it could be any kind of refuge - perhaps if not for its quiet. The "marbles" were a great idea. Just using it as an art project wouldn't have been a good use, but the explanation was very nice. "Fat Jack" was a good use, but fairly straightforward. Since Fat Jack has an important part in the story, however, the picture is fine. "Sparring", finally, shows maybe the key moment of the story, when Sonia beats Eric and herself in a way. I'm not sure you can block a leg sweep and push it that high, but who cares? :)[/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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