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Ceramic DM - Spring 2005 (Late Bloomer) - We have a winner.
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<blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 2386743" data-attributes="member: 225"><p>Ceramic DM Spring 2005 (Really, really late bloomer)</p><p>Round 2: Speaker vs. <u>Berandor</u></p><p></p><p><em><strong>Cold Fish</strong></em></p><p></p><p>Druids don’t steal. </p><p></p><p>People have strange ideas, often deeply rooted in prejudices and stereotypes. To them, a druid is someone who sleeps in the woods, derives nourishment from berries, roots and creeks, and generally lives in balance with nature.</p><p></p><p>That’s all well and good, until you factor in the Industrial Revolution. Druids are masters of the wild, and man doesn’t allow woods to grow wild and unchecked anymore. Wild animals are hunted, wild crops uprooted. Cities are the new woods.</p><p></p><p>Me, I don’t even like nature. It’s hard enough for me to read a human; how am I supposed to know what a squirrel is thinking? When my motorcycle is hungry, the gas meter shows it. When a bear is hungry, it tries to eat me. I know what I prefer – despite the rising gas price.</p><p></p><p>And that’s only part of it. Try living in the city without paying rent, for example by sleeping in a park. The cops will wake you up in the middle of the night and demand you leave, often after a solid beating. And not a lot of people will give you food for free, either. So a druid does what he has to do. And stealing is just so much fun.</p><p></p><p>I still shouldn’t have set my sights so high. Of course, it’s a little too late for regrets. I should have listened to my instincts right at the beginning, when that darned cat approached me. </p><p></p><p>Did I mention I hate animals?</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Part 1: The Set-Up</em></p><p></p><p>»Dale Shepherd?«</p><p></p><p>»That’s what it says on the door.«</p><p></p><p>The woman nodded. Her eyes were hidden behind mirrored sunglasses, and she wore a black suit. A wire connected her ear to a hidden receiver like an electronic umbilical cord. She was, in short, a typical bodyguard. Upon hearing my confirmation, she deliberately scanned the room before putting a short-nailed and manicured finger to her wired ear.</p><p></p><p>»Clear.«</p><p></p><p>That’s when I was getting impatient. It seemed like such a ridiculous show of money and power that I wondered whether I was in a bad movie. Still, being somewhat on the lacking side of money and power, I chose to play along, and instead of conjuring a gust of wind to push the woman out of my office I just summoned a flame to my thumb and lit a cigarette. I sat in my chair and looked at the woman. She stared back like a robot, hiding behind those mirrored glasses. I gave her my best poker face in return.</p><p></p><p>Finally I heard the elevator’s bell ring, and its doors open. I focused my attention on the entrance to my office. In walked the ugliest cat I’ve ever seen. It was almost hairless, its patchy fur only half covering its body. To make matters worse, it wore a grotesque hat, a rose-colored something garnished with gold and a slit for the cat’s left ear. </p><p></p><p>I was too surprised to comment on this freak show outfit, however. I knew the cat. It was Mr. Meowth. The Mister Meowth. A decade ago, this little kitten – then cute and cuddly, now crude and cranky – had conquered the world of cat food as the model and spokesperson for Whiskeys. Now, thanks to smart stock investments and what some claimed were more than shady business practices, it was one of the three wealthiest animals in the western hemisphere. And with a quick hop, it sat right in front of me on my office desk.</p><p></p><p>»Pleased to meet you, Mr. Shepherd,« Meowth said. »I am in need of your service.«</p><p></p><p>I smoked silently for a moment. »Listen,« I finally said, »I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but I don’t work for animals.« </p><p></p><p>»And that is precisely why I have need of you, Mr. Shepherd.« I started to speak up, but Meowth interrupted me with a sharp look from its slit-pupilled eyes. »Now why don’t we pretend you protested, I didn’t care, you pointed to your business ethics, I pointed out your ethics are for sale, you said they were expensive, and I agreed to pay five times what you normally ask from a client. Would that be fine?«</p><p></p><p>For a moment I sat stunned at Meowth’s arrogance. I was of a mind to throw him out right there as I was filled with a dislike I normally only reserve for my ex-wife. But I had to pay my ex, whereas this guy promised real money. And if I had two flaws, they were vindictiveness and greed.</p><p></p><p>»Five times normal?« Meowth said nothing. I put the cigarette out and smiled. »For that kind of money, I’m your dog, Mr. M.«</p><p></p><p>Meowth regarded me with cold eyes. “I will keep you on a short leash, Mr. Shepherd.« Its voice was icy, and <a href="http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20979" target="_blank">for a moment I could glimpse behind the mask of social veneer, see how calculating, cruel, and mean Meowth really was</a>, and I almost called the deal off. I remained quiet, though, and then it was too late.</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Part 2: Hook, Line, and Sinker</em></p><p></p><p>I entered my office and closed the door behind me, slinking against its frame and breathing heavily. Sweat covered me from head to toe, and I was too scared to turn on the lights. I couldn’t stay here, shouldn’t have even returned here. Still, I needed a moment to come to my senses, grab what I needed, and then plot my revenge.</p><p></p><p>Meowth had set me up. My “job” had been to break into the Whiskeys office and steal some pictures they were keeping on the cat, leverage to keep it from selling the factory. Meowth had provided me with access codes, and the watchdogs were no problem for a druid. But when I entered the CEO’s office – where the pictures were supposedly waiting for me in a safe behind a painting of Meowth itself – I found said CEO lying dead in a pool of his own blood. That’s when the alarm went off.</p><p></p><p>After two seconds of expletives and five more of rapid thinking, I knew I was screwed. The only chance I had was getting out of the building before the police arrived. I don’t know how, but I made it. I reached my motorcycle just before the police reached the entrance, and got away. All the way home, I saw the security camera point its red eye at me, and I could imagine Meowth sitting in front of the monitor, zooming in on my face and cackling evilly. Could cats cackle? In my imagination, they could.</p><p></p><p>-</p><p></p><p>I sat slumped against my office door. After I had calmed down a little, I lit myself a cigarette. Inhaling the smoke helped me clear my thoughts. My best bet was to leave the city and go into hiding. But then the cat would have won. With each pull on the cigarette, I became angrier, as if the cigarette was made of hate and not tobacco. I’d go into hiding, all right, but first I’d get even.</p><p></p><p>I packed what I needed to take with me and burned what files I didn’t need, and then I made a phone call. </p><p></p><p>»Seaside Travel,« a husky voice answered.</p><p></p><p>»Hey Madison, it’s Dale.«</p><p></p><p>»Dale.« She didn’t sound happy to hear my voice, understandable considering our latest outfall. »What do you want?«</p><p></p><p>»I need to see you, Maddie.«</p><p></p><p>»I don’t want to see you, though.«</p><p></p><p>»Look, Maddie, I’m so-«</p><p></p><p>»Don’t tell me you’re sorry. We both know you’re not.« She sighed. »How much?«</p><p></p><p>»Pardon me?«</p><p></p><p>»How much is in it for me?«</p><p></p><p>»Twenty just to meet me. We’ll see about the rest then.«</p><p></p><p>»Fifty.«</p><p></p><p>I gritted my teeth, close to hanging up on her. Then I thought about Meowth, cackling evilly and languidly licking itself. »Fifty it is.«</p><p></p><p>»Thirty minutes, the usual place. Don’t be late.«</p><p></p><p>»Bye,« I said, but she’d hung up already.</p><p></p><p>-</p><p></p><p>The usual work for a druid is taking tourists on a hiking trip, finding runaway pets, or smooth-talking angry flowers. The profitable work is smuggling rare fauna (and flora), and if you know whom to ask (me, for example), breaking and entering. However, tourists expect a druid to lead them anywhere they want, and sometimes air travel or the main entrance to a building is just too dangerous. Never having perfected the art of shape-changing myself, I realized early on that I needed help for aquatic endeavors.</p><p></p><p>Madison was almost perfect for my needs. Being a mermaid, she couldn’t leave the water, so I didn’t have to be afraid of her taking my jobs away from me. She didn’t think much of going topless, either, which always meant extra money from male tourists, even if their wives protested. And most importantly, she didn’t care whether a job was legal or not.</p><p></p><p>Still, she was a mermaid, and I was neither willing to trust her farther than I could spit, nor did I particularly like working with her. Seeing her – admittedly attractive – female torso reminded me all the more of the fish tail keeping her afloat. I liked her well enough, but I hated her kind, and sometimes I voiced my opinion.</p><p></p><p>The last time we’d worked together had been a few weeks ago. After the tourists had left, she looked at me with those green eyes of hers and smiled, casting a web of seduction intended to snag me off my feet and into the ocean.</p><p></p><p>»Let’s go for a midnight swim,« she said.</p><p></p><p>»Do I look like an eel to you? Do I smell like fish?« I answered, and that was that.</p><p></p><p>So now I had to give her fifty dollars just to have her show up. But if I wanted to get even with the cat, I had no choice. And I wanted to get even, desperately so.</p><p></p><p>We met at our usual meeting place, at the end of a breakwater reaching out into the bay like a giant tongue lapping at the water. In the moonlight, Madison’s skin glowed pearly-white, and her eyes sparkled like emeralds. I handed her the money, and she stowed it away in one of those waterproof envelopes of hers.</p><p></p><p>»All right, here I am. What do you want?«</p><p></p><p>»You know how you told me there was an underwater entrance to Meowth’s estate?«</p><p></p><p>»That was six months ago. You didn’t want to hear about it.«</p><p></p><p>»Like you said, that was six months ago. Things have changed. Did you tell anybody else?«</p><p></p><p>»No.« She smiled. »I knew you’d come around. So what do you want to steal? The hat? Stocks?«</p><p></p><p>»Meowth itself.«</p><p></p><p>She looked at me for a moment, and then broke out laughing.</p><p></p><p>»Stop it,« I said. »I’m being serious.«</p><p></p><p>»That’s what I find so funny. And I’m not going to help you.«</p><p></p><p>»Why not?«</p><p></p><p>»Because I don’t want to help you kill yourself.«</p><p></p><p>»You don’t understand,« I said, and then I told her what happened, and of my plan to drug Mr. Meowth while it slept and kidnap it. It felt good telling somebody, and a little bit of my anger faded away during my tale. She was quiet afterwards. I sat on the rough, wet stone, waiting for her to break the silence, listening to the sea and watching the moonlight on her skin.</p><p></p><p>»It’s not going to work,« she finally said.</p><p></p><p>»What?«</p><p></p><p>»Taking him.« Whereas I refused to call animals by their gender, Madison had no such qualms, probably since she was half fish herself. »You’re not going to surprise a cat, asleep or not.«</p><p></p><p>»You’re probably right,« I admitted. »But setting me up was a mistake, and it needs to understand that.«</p><p></p><p>»So what about stealing his hat? It’s been all over the news how much it’s worth, how it’s custom made, and so on. They even incorporated it into the company logo. Imagine the uproar if the hat was stolen. The Flipper Estate would pounce on the news as if Meowth had been caught eating tuna.«</p><p></p><p>I had to give it to her that it sounded good. »I guess it could work,« I said.</p><p></p><p>»It will work,« she emphasized, and won me over.</p><p></p><p>»All right. Tell me where the entrance is.«</p><p></p><p>»I’ll do even more. I’ll give you a waterproof envelope to transport the hat, but I want a fair share. Fifty percent.«</p><p></p><p>»You know I can’t sell the hat for a long time, maybe never.«</p><p></p><p>»I can wait,« she said. »Sooner or later you will sell it, even if you sell it back to Meowth.«</p><p></p><p>I considered her offer. It seemed fair, and I really wanted to pay the feline back. »Done.«</p><p></p><p>She handed me an envelope. »Enter the old steam tunnels beneath BSU. From there on, you need to dive for about two miles, then past a narrow gate, and you’re in. Meowth’s villa is built on old catacombs. He kept them intact because of the rats. Meowth likes to hunt them. There’s a map in the envelope.«</p><p></p><p>»Thank you,« I said and turned around to leave.</p><p></p><p>»Dale?« she called me back.</p><p></p><p>»Yeah?«</p><p></p><p>»Don’t try to betray me.«</p><p></p><p>»Don’t you,« I retorted. Madison just laughed, and disappeared into the dark water. I held the envelope in my hands. I had a plan. I had a map. It was time to pay the cat a visit.</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Part 3: The Sting</em></p><p></p><p>Ball State was almost right across the river from the mansion, so the swim wasn’t as bad as I had feared. Still, I was glad for my whaleskin clothes keeping the cold water out, and I knew the leathery fabric would dry quickly as soon as I was out of the river. Madison’s map led me to a rusty grate standing partway open, and after swimming for a few more yards, I ended up in a shallow pool in the corner of a big vault.</p><p></p><p>I climbed out of the murky water and looked around. My night vision spell was still active from the steam tunnels. Black and white forms danced before my eyes, and it took a while before I understood it was just the shadow of a huge fan set into the wall. The vault was empty otherwise, reminding me more of a movie set than an actual place. I could not believe I was beneath the mansion of one of the wealthiest living beings on earth.</p><p></p><p>A small staircase led up, and I ascended the stairs, stopping in front of a closed and electronically locked steel door. I whispered a spell and my right hand tingled. It was a spell of my own design, and now my index finger was coated with acid, the middle finger was charged with electricity, the ring finger could produce water, and the little finger a tiny welding flame. The thumb held a potent sleep poison, but I wouldn’t need that here. It only took a few moments until I had overridden the security files and unlocked the door.</p><p></p><p>Behind the door was the milk cellar, where bottles from all around the world were kept in just the right temperature and climate to keep them fresh. Out of spite, I turned the temperature control a few degrees up before taking the stairs to the ground floor. At the top of the stairs, I cast another spell that would clad me in darkness, and then I slipped out the door.</p><p></p><p>»Did you hear something?«</p><p></p><p>»Hrm. Probably just a cat.« The guards laughed. Both were female, just like the bodyguard had been, and again I was reminded of the deviousness of Meowth’s plan. I did not work for animals, and it only employed women. Nobody would believe me when I told him or her I had been set up. But I’d show it not to mess with Dale Shepherd.</p><p></p><p>The guards were sitting in the kitchen, each with a cup of coffee in front of them. The cellar door opened to a small hallway between the kitchen and the living room, so I turned that way. My night vision showed me a luxurious chaise longue with scratch marks on its wooden feet, a warm fireplace with coals still smoldering in it, and a signed “Aristocats” poster on the wall. I crept forward and into the central hallway. A large wooden stairwell led up to the first floor. The cat lift fastened to the railing was waiting for me as I reached the top of the stairs. </p><p></p><p>Meowth had to be upstairs, as well, but I wasn’t looking for it anymore. I was looking for the bathroom. Much had been made of Meowth refurnishing the bath as a safe, secured by technology and magic. That’s where he would keep his money. That’s where he would keep his hat.</p><p></p><p>The bathroom was easy to find. Every door had a cat’s door in it, except for one. I searched for the opening mechanism. I had to remind myself to look in a cat’s shoulder height before I found it: a retina scanner. I smiled. I had never really been fascinated with changing my shape into an animal’s; I had been more interested in changing miniscule features of myself. You know, fingerprints, skin color, and the like. Sadly, druids were not capable of imitating human shapes, so most of what I wanted to do was right out. All I managed was animal features, for example giving myself leopard skin. Or cat eyes.</p><p></p><p>I changed my eyes with a moment's concentration. I saw my surroundings like a cat would. I hated that perspective; it was like looking through a fish bowl. Now, everybody knows cats don’t have fingerprints, but what most people don’t realize is that they also lack unique retinas. They’re all the same. The only way to identify a cat is to analyze its fur. Fortunately, the bathroom/safe door wasn’t secured with a fur scanner, probably because Meowth’s fur was falling out.</p><p></p><p>After I had transformed my eyes, all I had to do was crouch. I put my right eye directly in front of the scanner, and a moment later the door unlocked. I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me.</p><p></p><p>»Phew,« I whistled. Even in night vision, the room in front of me was impressive. A three feet high stone pedestal rose up from the floor. Two stairwells led up to it; one on my side of the room, the other connecting three more doors to it on the opposite side. One of these doors led to Meowth’s bedroom, I surmised, the other two I had no idea. The floor around the pedestal was made from pressure sensitive fabric – obvious from the many pressure points visible even in night vision. </p><p></p><p>The floor didn’t concern me, as it was easy to circumvent. The guardian monsters were much more frightening. Their backs had been melded into the stone of the pedestal, and their hot breaths had turned the pressure floor around them to polished marble. My heart beat faster in fear, just as my mind reeled at the cost of permanently binding a dozen gorgons to this place. Even now, green fumes started to waft from their noses. I had to work fast.</p><p></p><p>First, I turned on the lights. The gorgons had to be able to see me. Then, I dropped the darkness spell around me. Finally, I called a small whirlwind around me. It would hopefully protect me from the gorgons’ petrification breath, if push came to shove, but I didn’t want to risk it or their alarm cries.</p><p></p><p>»Shhh,« I said, holding my hands out in a calming gesture. I stared the closest gorgon in the eyes, hoping they were capable of communicating among themselves. I could not possibly stare down a dozen gorgons simultaneously. »Quiet, friend. Calm and quiet.«</p><p></p><p>The gorgon held its breath. I could see fumes gathering around its maw, and I knew it was ready to turn me to stone. But it waited. I had its attention.</p><p></p><p>»I come to free you,« I said. »I will loose your bounds, so you may run again.« Now I had all the gorgons’ attention. I closed my eyes, and then I met my gorgon’s gaze again and smiled. »That’s right. I will free you.«</p><p></p><p>The fumes disappeared from their noses, and the gorgons pawed the ground restlessly.</p><p></p><p>»Shh,« I said again, hushing them. »Just be quiet, stand up straight, and let the magic do its work.« The gorgons straightened out. I could see the longing in their eyes, the dreams of an endless steppe that must have tormented them every night. With trembling hands, I pulled a handful of pebbles out of my pocket. I murmured the words to a spell, and the pebbles – twelve in all – turned into little globs of flesh. I could feel the magic rushing out to the gorgons, taking hold in them, changing them as well. Only with them, it was the other way round. I forced myself to look into one gorgon’s eyes as it changed, see the panic as it understood what was happening, happening too quick to punish me for my betrayal. I saw desperation, then hate, and then I looked into the empty eyes of a statue. I had turned the gorgons to stone, but I could not smile at the irony.</p><p></p><p>I took a few deep breaths, and then I looked around the room for some way to open the safe. I found a simple pressure plate and pushed it. There was a hiss from the pedestal, and then the column in the center of it started to disappear into the ceiling, lifting the lid off the safe. </p><p></p><p>As the underside of the lid became visible, I started whistling Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. Ever since having seen it in a movie, I just had to accompany opening a safe by it. A lamp was built into the lid, and as it receded upwards, it looked like a normal part of the ceiling. I could not help but admire my work. <a href="http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20980" target="_blank">The gorgons were petrified, the safe was open, and the pressure floor had been turned off easily</a>. I had done it.</p><p></p><p>With a few steps, I was on top of the pedestal and looked down into the safe. There were a bundle of stocks, a few pieces of jeweled toys like a plastic ball with a golden bell in it, and a black mahogany box. I grabbed the box and carefully pried it open. The inside was laid out in ret satin. Meowth’s hat had been carefully bedded on the satin, but the other item in the box made my heart jump even more. It was a tiny, cat-sized hearing aid. Mr. Meowth was deaf.</p><p></p><p>I slipped the hat into Madison’s envelope and held the hearing aid in my fingers. My mind told me to just run for it, but my instincts wanted more. They wanted revenge. </p><p></p><p>I went back and closed the safe again, turned off the lights, and renewed my darkness spell. One of the three doors opposite me led to Meowth’s bedroom, I was sure of it. I couldn’t just walk out now. Not after I had come so far.</p><p></p><p>I made my way over to the doors and quietly opened the first one. The floor was covered in some sort of grains, and it took a while until I understood I was looking at a room-sized litter box. The next door led to a small room. An old-fashioned film-projector stood close to the door, and a white screen hung from the opposite wall. Glancing at the film roll, I could make out the title written on it. The rumors were true: Meowth had bought the sole copy of the Tom-and-Jerry special, the one where Tom won.</p><p></p><p>On to the last door. I should have known it would come to the last door; that’s the way things work, isn’t it? I opened the door, and it swung back to reveal a big bedroom. A plush carpet stifled my steps as I made my way over to the double bed dominating the chamber. Right in the middle of it lay a sleeping Mr. Meowth.</p><p></p><p>I have to admit my heart raced at this moment. I expected the cat to wake up any time, guards to come crashing into the room, even the gorgons to turn to flesh again and attack me. Still, with trembling hands, I cast my favorite spell, reached out to Meowth, and touched it with my thumb. It shook once, and then it lay like dead, comatosely asleep.</p><p></p><p>I lifted the cat up. It was even lighter than I would have guessed. I studied its face, marveling at its ugliness, and then I stuffed it into the front of my jacket. Now I really had to get out, and quickly so.</p><p></p><p>I made my way back to the wine cellar without interruption. The guards hadn’t been in the kitchen anymore. I should have been more careful. But I felt the hat in its envelope in my pocket, and I felt the abominable cat slumbering peacefully against my breast. I almost giggled, so giddy was I, and I got careless.</p><p></p><p>»Halt!« a voice said as I ran the stairs down from the wine cellar. I froze. »Who are you?«</p><p></p><p>»I…« What was I supposed to say? Standing in front of me, the giant fan backlighting her features, was one of the guards. She was just as surprised to see me here as I was. »I’m the new gardener,« I said, hoping to confuse her even more.</p><p></p><p>»The-« She blinked, and then went for her stun gun. I started my spell when she was blinking; still, casting a spell is much more time-consuming than drawing a gun and shooting at a harmless thief and kidnapper standing in front of you, and you can’t fumble any words when shooting. What I mean to say is, she was faster than me.</p><p></p><p>Her gun came up and pointed right at me. She pulled the trigger as I was halfway through my incantation, and two tiny bolts flew towards me, ready to discharge a painful dose of electricity. The bolts lodged themselves deep into Mr. Meowth’s sleeping flesh, and if the cat woke up from the pain, it was sent back into sleep by the shock right afterwards. </p><p></p><p>The guard stared at me, disbelieving, wondering how I had withstood her weapon – and maybe why I smelled of burned cat. I grabbed opportunity by the horns and finished my spell. The guard resisted, but unsuccessfully. Her body began to contort. She dropped the weapon and shook her head in dizziness and pain. <a href="http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20981" target="_blank">Her hair grew longer – and thornier. Her skin hardened</a>. It took no longer than a breath’s time, and then I stood in front of a guard-sized willow tree.</p><p></p><p>I rushed past the guardian willow and into the shallow pool of water. Calling upon the whirlwind I had summoned in the bathroom, I asked it to surround me and my feline passenger with air, promising it freedom as soon as we would reach the steam tunnels. It obliged, and contrary to what happened with the gorgons, this time I kept my promise.</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Part 4: Aftermath</em></p><p></p><p>As soon as I stepped out of the university building, I knew something had gone very, very wrong. It must have been the police cars waiting for me. I held the hat-filled envelope in my hand, my umbrella in the other.</p><p></p><p>»Hands up, Shepherd!« a policeman shouted. He pointed a gun at me, a real gun, and he was just one out of half a dozen cops to do so.</p><p></p><p>»You are arrested for the murder of Harry Yeller, CEO of Whiskeys Animal Food, and for breaking into the Meowth mansion. Drop the umbrella and come peacefully with us.«</p><p></p><p>I smiled and pulled down the zipper on my jacket. Just a little, enough so they could see the cat’s head. »Now what would Mr. Meowth say if you shot me?« I wondered. »I’m sure it’d be stunned.«</p><p></p><p>»Don’t shoot!« the cop called out to his colleagues immediately. »He’s got the cat!«</p><p></p><p>Languidly, I opened my umbrella and held it over my head. »I didn’t kill Mr. Yeller,« I said. »The cat set me up.« </p><p></p><p>I knew they wouldn’t believe a word I was saying, but I had to get it off my chest, anyway. Then I summoned a fresh wind, and <a href="http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20982" target="_blank">after a little leap, it carried me up into the sky</a>. The policemen stared after me, too afraid to shoot, and I thought I had gotten away for good.</p><p></p><p>I was drifting fifty feet above the river when I realized I still held the envelope in my hands. Before I could put it away, it began to hum and twitch and huff, as if breathing.</p><p></p><p>»Oh no, she wouldn’t,« I said to myself, when I already knew she would. Just then, the envelope sucked in a mouthful of air and blew itself into a little ball. The sudden change broke my grip on it and, still thrumming, the ball fell down towards the river. Just as it was about to hit the surface, <a href="http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20978" target="_blank">Madison came out of the water, held her hands up, and caught the ball as tenderly as she would catch a soap bubble</a>. Then she was gone again. For a moment, I was terribly angry with her, but it didn’t last long. After all, I still had the cat. The hat was nothing to me. Where I was going, I wouldn’t be able to sell it, anyway.</p><p></p><p>With a shrug, I turned my umbrella to the west.</p><p></p><p>-</p><p></p><p>Of course, they got me. I wouldn’t be talking to you if they hadn’t. Oh, don’t look at me like that. You asked me why I was in here. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but it’s true.</p><p></p><p>I’m still a little annoyed the mermaid tricked me. Now I know why cats eat fish – the fish don’t deserve any better. Anyway, they found me hiding in Yellowstone a few weeks ago. I guess the police have their own druids and rangers, of the kind that don’t hate nature like I do. I’ve been waiting for my trial ever since. I’ll plead “not guilty”, of course. Doesn’t everybody?</p><p></p><p>What happened to Mr. Meowth? They found parts of it when they caught me. I know it was foolish to keep them around, but you know what they say:</p><p></p><p>A cat that good, you don’t eat all at once.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Berandor, post: 2386743, member: 225"] Ceramic DM Spring 2005 (Really, really late bloomer) Round 2: Speaker vs. [u]Berandor[/u] [i][b]Cold Fish[/b][/i] Druids don’t steal. People have strange ideas, often deeply rooted in prejudices and stereotypes. To them, a druid is someone who sleeps in the woods, derives nourishment from berries, roots and creeks, and generally lives in balance with nature. That’s all well and good, until you factor in the Industrial Revolution. Druids are masters of the wild, and man doesn’t allow woods to grow wild and unchecked anymore. Wild animals are hunted, wild crops uprooted. Cities are the new woods. Me, I don’t even like nature. It’s hard enough for me to read a human; how am I supposed to know what a squirrel is thinking? When my motorcycle is hungry, the gas meter shows it. When a bear is hungry, it tries to eat me. I know what I prefer – despite the rising gas price. And that’s only part of it. Try living in the city without paying rent, for example by sleeping in a park. The cops will wake you up in the middle of the night and demand you leave, often after a solid beating. And not a lot of people will give you food for free, either. So a druid does what he has to do. And stealing is just so much fun. I still shouldn’t have set my sights so high. Of course, it’s a little too late for regrets. I should have listened to my instincts right at the beginning, when that darned cat approached me. Did I mention I hate animals? [i]Part 1: The Set-Up[/i] »Dale Shepherd?« »That’s what it says on the door.« The woman nodded. Her eyes were hidden behind mirrored sunglasses, and she wore a black suit. A wire connected her ear to a hidden receiver like an electronic umbilical cord. She was, in short, a typical bodyguard. Upon hearing my confirmation, she deliberately scanned the room before putting a short-nailed and manicured finger to her wired ear. »Clear.« That’s when I was getting impatient. It seemed like such a ridiculous show of money and power that I wondered whether I was in a bad movie. Still, being somewhat on the lacking side of money and power, I chose to play along, and instead of conjuring a gust of wind to push the woman out of my office I just summoned a flame to my thumb and lit a cigarette. I sat in my chair and looked at the woman. She stared back like a robot, hiding behind those mirrored glasses. I gave her my best poker face in return. Finally I heard the elevator’s bell ring, and its doors open. I focused my attention on the entrance to my office. In walked the ugliest cat I’ve ever seen. It was almost hairless, its patchy fur only half covering its body. To make matters worse, it wore a grotesque hat, a rose-colored something garnished with gold and a slit for the cat’s left ear. I was too surprised to comment on this freak show outfit, however. I knew the cat. It was Mr. Meowth. The Mister Meowth. A decade ago, this little kitten – then cute and cuddly, now crude and cranky – had conquered the world of cat food as the model and spokesperson for Whiskeys. Now, thanks to smart stock investments and what some claimed were more than shady business practices, it was one of the three wealthiest animals in the western hemisphere. And with a quick hop, it sat right in front of me on my office desk. »Pleased to meet you, Mr. Shepherd,« Meowth said. »I am in need of your service.« I smoked silently for a moment. »Listen,« I finally said, »I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but I don’t work for animals.« »And that is precisely why I have need of you, Mr. Shepherd.« I started to speak up, but Meowth interrupted me with a sharp look from its slit-pupilled eyes. »Now why don’t we pretend you protested, I didn’t care, you pointed to your business ethics, I pointed out your ethics are for sale, you said they were expensive, and I agreed to pay five times what you normally ask from a client. Would that be fine?« For a moment I sat stunned at Meowth’s arrogance. I was of a mind to throw him out right there as I was filled with a dislike I normally only reserve for my ex-wife. But I had to pay my ex, whereas this guy promised real money. And if I had two flaws, they were vindictiveness and greed. »Five times normal?« Meowth said nothing. I put the cigarette out and smiled. »For that kind of money, I’m your dog, Mr. M.« Meowth regarded me with cold eyes. “I will keep you on a short leash, Mr. Shepherd.« Its voice was icy, and [url=http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20979]for a moment I could glimpse behind the mask of social veneer, see how calculating, cruel, and mean Meowth really was[/url], and I almost called the deal off. I remained quiet, though, and then it was too late. [i]Part 2: Hook, Line, and Sinker[/i] I entered my office and closed the door behind me, slinking against its frame and breathing heavily. Sweat covered me from head to toe, and I was too scared to turn on the lights. I couldn’t stay here, shouldn’t have even returned here. Still, I needed a moment to come to my senses, grab what I needed, and then plot my revenge. Meowth had set me up. My “job” had been to break into the Whiskeys office and steal some pictures they were keeping on the cat, leverage to keep it from selling the factory. Meowth had provided me with access codes, and the watchdogs were no problem for a druid. But when I entered the CEO’s office – where the pictures were supposedly waiting for me in a safe behind a painting of Meowth itself – I found said CEO lying dead in a pool of his own blood. That’s when the alarm went off. After two seconds of expletives and five more of rapid thinking, I knew I was screwed. The only chance I had was getting out of the building before the police arrived. I don’t know how, but I made it. I reached my motorcycle just before the police reached the entrance, and got away. All the way home, I saw the security camera point its red eye at me, and I could imagine Meowth sitting in front of the monitor, zooming in on my face and cackling evilly. Could cats cackle? In my imagination, they could. - I sat slumped against my office door. After I had calmed down a little, I lit myself a cigarette. Inhaling the smoke helped me clear my thoughts. My best bet was to leave the city and go into hiding. But then the cat would have won. With each pull on the cigarette, I became angrier, as if the cigarette was made of hate and not tobacco. I’d go into hiding, all right, but first I’d get even. I packed what I needed to take with me and burned what files I didn’t need, and then I made a phone call. »Seaside Travel,« a husky voice answered. »Hey Madison, it’s Dale.« »Dale.« She didn’t sound happy to hear my voice, understandable considering our latest outfall. »What do you want?« »I need to see you, Maddie.« »I don’t want to see you, though.« »Look, Maddie, I’m so-« »Don’t tell me you’re sorry. We both know you’re not.« She sighed. »How much?« »Pardon me?« »How much is in it for me?« »Twenty just to meet me. We’ll see about the rest then.« »Fifty.« I gritted my teeth, close to hanging up on her. Then I thought about Meowth, cackling evilly and languidly licking itself. »Fifty it is.« »Thirty minutes, the usual place. Don’t be late.« »Bye,« I said, but she’d hung up already. - The usual work for a druid is taking tourists on a hiking trip, finding runaway pets, or smooth-talking angry flowers. The profitable work is smuggling rare fauna (and flora), and if you know whom to ask (me, for example), breaking and entering. However, tourists expect a druid to lead them anywhere they want, and sometimes air travel or the main entrance to a building is just too dangerous. Never having perfected the art of shape-changing myself, I realized early on that I needed help for aquatic endeavors. Madison was almost perfect for my needs. Being a mermaid, she couldn’t leave the water, so I didn’t have to be afraid of her taking my jobs away from me. She didn’t think much of going topless, either, which always meant extra money from male tourists, even if their wives protested. And most importantly, she didn’t care whether a job was legal or not. Still, she was a mermaid, and I was neither willing to trust her farther than I could spit, nor did I particularly like working with her. Seeing her – admittedly attractive – female torso reminded me all the more of the fish tail keeping her afloat. I liked her well enough, but I hated her kind, and sometimes I voiced my opinion. The last time we’d worked together had been a few weeks ago. After the tourists had left, she looked at me with those green eyes of hers and smiled, casting a web of seduction intended to snag me off my feet and into the ocean. »Let’s go for a midnight swim,« she said. »Do I look like an eel to you? Do I smell like fish?« I answered, and that was that. So now I had to give her fifty dollars just to have her show up. But if I wanted to get even with the cat, I had no choice. And I wanted to get even, desperately so. We met at our usual meeting place, at the end of a breakwater reaching out into the bay like a giant tongue lapping at the water. In the moonlight, Madison’s skin glowed pearly-white, and her eyes sparkled like emeralds. I handed her the money, and she stowed it away in one of those waterproof envelopes of hers. »All right, here I am. What do you want?« »You know how you told me there was an underwater entrance to Meowth’s estate?« »That was six months ago. You didn’t want to hear about it.« »Like you said, that was six months ago. Things have changed. Did you tell anybody else?« »No.« She smiled. »I knew you’d come around. So what do you want to steal? The hat? Stocks?« »Meowth itself.« She looked at me for a moment, and then broke out laughing. »Stop it,« I said. »I’m being serious.« »That’s what I find so funny. And I’m not going to help you.« »Why not?« »Because I don’t want to help you kill yourself.« »You don’t understand,« I said, and then I told her what happened, and of my plan to drug Mr. Meowth while it slept and kidnap it. It felt good telling somebody, and a little bit of my anger faded away during my tale. She was quiet afterwards. I sat on the rough, wet stone, waiting for her to break the silence, listening to the sea and watching the moonlight on her skin. »It’s not going to work,« she finally said. »What?« »Taking him.« Whereas I refused to call animals by their gender, Madison had no such qualms, probably since she was half fish herself. »You’re not going to surprise a cat, asleep or not.« »You’re probably right,« I admitted. »But setting me up was a mistake, and it needs to understand that.« »So what about stealing his hat? It’s been all over the news how much it’s worth, how it’s custom made, and so on. They even incorporated it into the company logo. Imagine the uproar if the hat was stolen. The Flipper Estate would pounce on the news as if Meowth had been caught eating tuna.« I had to give it to her that it sounded good. »I guess it could work,« I said. »It will work,« she emphasized, and won me over. »All right. Tell me where the entrance is.« »I’ll do even more. I’ll give you a waterproof envelope to transport the hat, but I want a fair share. Fifty percent.« »You know I can’t sell the hat for a long time, maybe never.« »I can wait,« she said. »Sooner or later you will sell it, even if you sell it back to Meowth.« I considered her offer. It seemed fair, and I really wanted to pay the feline back. »Done.« She handed me an envelope. »Enter the old steam tunnels beneath BSU. From there on, you need to dive for about two miles, then past a narrow gate, and you’re in. Meowth’s villa is built on old catacombs. He kept them intact because of the rats. Meowth likes to hunt them. There’s a map in the envelope.« »Thank you,« I said and turned around to leave. »Dale?« she called me back. »Yeah?« »Don’t try to betray me.« »Don’t you,« I retorted. Madison just laughed, and disappeared into the dark water. I held the envelope in my hands. I had a plan. I had a map. It was time to pay the cat a visit. [i]Part 3: The Sting[/i] Ball State was almost right across the river from the mansion, so the swim wasn’t as bad as I had feared. Still, I was glad for my whaleskin clothes keeping the cold water out, and I knew the leathery fabric would dry quickly as soon as I was out of the river. Madison’s map led me to a rusty grate standing partway open, and after swimming for a few more yards, I ended up in a shallow pool in the corner of a big vault. I climbed out of the murky water and looked around. My night vision spell was still active from the steam tunnels. Black and white forms danced before my eyes, and it took a while before I understood it was just the shadow of a huge fan set into the wall. The vault was empty otherwise, reminding me more of a movie set than an actual place. I could not believe I was beneath the mansion of one of the wealthiest living beings on earth. A small staircase led up, and I ascended the stairs, stopping in front of a closed and electronically locked steel door. I whispered a spell and my right hand tingled. It was a spell of my own design, and now my index finger was coated with acid, the middle finger was charged with electricity, the ring finger could produce water, and the little finger a tiny welding flame. The thumb held a potent sleep poison, but I wouldn’t need that here. It only took a few moments until I had overridden the security files and unlocked the door. Behind the door was the milk cellar, where bottles from all around the world were kept in just the right temperature and climate to keep them fresh. Out of spite, I turned the temperature control a few degrees up before taking the stairs to the ground floor. At the top of the stairs, I cast another spell that would clad me in darkness, and then I slipped out the door. »Did you hear something?« »Hrm. Probably just a cat.« The guards laughed. Both were female, just like the bodyguard had been, and again I was reminded of the deviousness of Meowth’s plan. I did not work for animals, and it only employed women. Nobody would believe me when I told him or her I had been set up. But I’d show it not to mess with Dale Shepherd. The guards were sitting in the kitchen, each with a cup of coffee in front of them. The cellar door opened to a small hallway between the kitchen and the living room, so I turned that way. My night vision showed me a luxurious chaise longue with scratch marks on its wooden feet, a warm fireplace with coals still smoldering in it, and a signed “Aristocats” poster on the wall. I crept forward and into the central hallway. A large wooden stairwell led up to the first floor. The cat lift fastened to the railing was waiting for me as I reached the top of the stairs. Meowth had to be upstairs, as well, but I wasn’t looking for it anymore. I was looking for the bathroom. Much had been made of Meowth refurnishing the bath as a safe, secured by technology and magic. That’s where he would keep his money. That’s where he would keep his hat. The bathroom was easy to find. Every door had a cat’s door in it, except for one. I searched for the opening mechanism. I had to remind myself to look in a cat’s shoulder height before I found it: a retina scanner. I smiled. I had never really been fascinated with changing my shape into an animal’s; I had been more interested in changing miniscule features of myself. You know, fingerprints, skin color, and the like. Sadly, druids were not capable of imitating human shapes, so most of what I wanted to do was right out. All I managed was animal features, for example giving myself leopard skin. Or cat eyes. I changed my eyes with a moment's concentration. I saw my surroundings like a cat would. I hated that perspective; it was like looking through a fish bowl. Now, everybody knows cats don’t have fingerprints, but what most people don’t realize is that they also lack unique retinas. They’re all the same. The only way to identify a cat is to analyze its fur. Fortunately, the bathroom/safe door wasn’t secured with a fur scanner, probably because Meowth’s fur was falling out. After I had transformed my eyes, all I had to do was crouch. I put my right eye directly in front of the scanner, and a moment later the door unlocked. I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me. »Phew,« I whistled. Even in night vision, the room in front of me was impressive. A three feet high stone pedestal rose up from the floor. Two stairwells led up to it; one on my side of the room, the other connecting three more doors to it on the opposite side. One of these doors led to Meowth’s bedroom, I surmised, the other two I had no idea. The floor around the pedestal was made from pressure sensitive fabric – obvious from the many pressure points visible even in night vision. The floor didn’t concern me, as it was easy to circumvent. The guardian monsters were much more frightening. Their backs had been melded into the stone of the pedestal, and their hot breaths had turned the pressure floor around them to polished marble. My heart beat faster in fear, just as my mind reeled at the cost of permanently binding a dozen gorgons to this place. Even now, green fumes started to waft from their noses. I had to work fast. First, I turned on the lights. The gorgons had to be able to see me. Then, I dropped the darkness spell around me. Finally, I called a small whirlwind around me. It would hopefully protect me from the gorgons’ petrification breath, if push came to shove, but I didn’t want to risk it or their alarm cries. »Shhh,« I said, holding my hands out in a calming gesture. I stared the closest gorgon in the eyes, hoping they were capable of communicating among themselves. I could not possibly stare down a dozen gorgons simultaneously. »Quiet, friend. Calm and quiet.« The gorgon held its breath. I could see fumes gathering around its maw, and I knew it was ready to turn me to stone. But it waited. I had its attention. »I come to free you,« I said. »I will loose your bounds, so you may run again.« Now I had all the gorgons’ attention. I closed my eyes, and then I met my gorgon’s gaze again and smiled. »That’s right. I will free you.« The fumes disappeared from their noses, and the gorgons pawed the ground restlessly. »Shh,« I said again, hushing them. »Just be quiet, stand up straight, and let the magic do its work.« The gorgons straightened out. I could see the longing in their eyes, the dreams of an endless steppe that must have tormented them every night. With trembling hands, I pulled a handful of pebbles out of my pocket. I murmured the words to a spell, and the pebbles – twelve in all – turned into little globs of flesh. I could feel the magic rushing out to the gorgons, taking hold in them, changing them as well. Only with them, it was the other way round. I forced myself to look into one gorgon’s eyes as it changed, see the panic as it understood what was happening, happening too quick to punish me for my betrayal. I saw desperation, then hate, and then I looked into the empty eyes of a statue. I had turned the gorgons to stone, but I could not smile at the irony. I took a few deep breaths, and then I looked around the room for some way to open the safe. I found a simple pressure plate and pushed it. There was a hiss from the pedestal, and then the column in the center of it started to disappear into the ceiling, lifting the lid off the safe. As the underside of the lid became visible, I started whistling Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. Ever since having seen it in a movie, I just had to accompany opening a safe by it. A lamp was built into the lid, and as it receded upwards, it looked like a normal part of the ceiling. I could not help but admire my work. [url=http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20980]The gorgons were petrified, the safe was open, and the pressure floor had been turned off easily[/url]. I had done it. With a few steps, I was on top of the pedestal and looked down into the safe. There were a bundle of stocks, a few pieces of jeweled toys like a plastic ball with a golden bell in it, and a black mahogany box. I grabbed the box and carefully pried it open. The inside was laid out in ret satin. Meowth’s hat had been carefully bedded on the satin, but the other item in the box made my heart jump even more. It was a tiny, cat-sized hearing aid. Mr. Meowth was deaf. I slipped the hat into Madison’s envelope and held the hearing aid in my fingers. My mind told me to just run for it, but my instincts wanted more. They wanted revenge. I went back and closed the safe again, turned off the lights, and renewed my darkness spell. One of the three doors opposite me led to Meowth’s bedroom, I was sure of it. I couldn’t just walk out now. Not after I had come so far. I made my way over to the doors and quietly opened the first one. The floor was covered in some sort of grains, and it took a while until I understood I was looking at a room-sized litter box. The next door led to a small room. An old-fashioned film-projector stood close to the door, and a white screen hung from the opposite wall. Glancing at the film roll, I could make out the title written on it. The rumors were true: Meowth had bought the sole copy of the Tom-and-Jerry special, the one where Tom won. On to the last door. I should have known it would come to the last door; that’s the way things work, isn’t it? I opened the door, and it swung back to reveal a big bedroom. A plush carpet stifled my steps as I made my way over to the double bed dominating the chamber. Right in the middle of it lay a sleeping Mr. Meowth. I have to admit my heart raced at this moment. I expected the cat to wake up any time, guards to come crashing into the room, even the gorgons to turn to flesh again and attack me. Still, with trembling hands, I cast my favorite spell, reached out to Meowth, and touched it with my thumb. It shook once, and then it lay like dead, comatosely asleep. I lifted the cat up. It was even lighter than I would have guessed. I studied its face, marveling at its ugliness, and then I stuffed it into the front of my jacket. Now I really had to get out, and quickly so. I made my way back to the wine cellar without interruption. The guards hadn’t been in the kitchen anymore. I should have been more careful. But I felt the hat in its envelope in my pocket, and I felt the abominable cat slumbering peacefully against my breast. I almost giggled, so giddy was I, and I got careless. »Halt!« a voice said as I ran the stairs down from the wine cellar. I froze. »Who are you?« »I…« What was I supposed to say? Standing in front of me, the giant fan backlighting her features, was one of the guards. She was just as surprised to see me here as I was. »I’m the new gardener,« I said, hoping to confuse her even more. »The-« She blinked, and then went for her stun gun. I started my spell when she was blinking; still, casting a spell is much more time-consuming than drawing a gun and shooting at a harmless thief and kidnapper standing in front of you, and you can’t fumble any words when shooting. What I mean to say is, she was faster than me. Her gun came up and pointed right at me. She pulled the trigger as I was halfway through my incantation, and two tiny bolts flew towards me, ready to discharge a painful dose of electricity. The bolts lodged themselves deep into Mr. Meowth’s sleeping flesh, and if the cat woke up from the pain, it was sent back into sleep by the shock right afterwards. The guard stared at me, disbelieving, wondering how I had withstood her weapon – and maybe why I smelled of burned cat. I grabbed opportunity by the horns and finished my spell. The guard resisted, but unsuccessfully. Her body began to contort. She dropped the weapon and shook her head in dizziness and pain. [url=http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20981]Her hair grew longer – and thornier. Her skin hardened[/url]. It took no longer than a breath’s time, and then I stood in front of a guard-sized willow tree. I rushed past the guardian willow and into the shallow pool of water. Calling upon the whirlwind I had summoned in the bathroom, I asked it to surround me and my feline passenger with air, promising it freedom as soon as we would reach the steam tunnels. It obliged, and contrary to what happened with the gorgons, this time I kept my promise. [i]Part 4: Aftermath[/i] As soon as I stepped out of the university building, I knew something had gone very, very wrong. It must have been the police cars waiting for me. I held the hat-filled envelope in my hand, my umbrella in the other. »Hands up, Shepherd!« a policeman shouted. He pointed a gun at me, a real gun, and he was just one out of half a dozen cops to do so. »You are arrested for the murder of Harry Yeller, CEO of Whiskeys Animal Food, and for breaking into the Meowth mansion. Drop the umbrella and come peacefully with us.« I smiled and pulled down the zipper on my jacket. Just a little, enough so they could see the cat’s head. »Now what would Mr. Meowth say if you shot me?« I wondered. »I’m sure it’d be stunned.« »Don’t shoot!« the cop called out to his colleagues immediately. »He’s got the cat!« Languidly, I opened my umbrella and held it over my head. »I didn’t kill Mr. Yeller,« I said. »The cat set me up.« I knew they wouldn’t believe a word I was saying, but I had to get it off my chest, anyway. Then I summoned a fresh wind, and [url=http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20982]after a little leap, it carried me up into the sky[/url]. The policemen stared after me, too afraid to shoot, and I thought I had gotten away for good. I was drifting fifty feet above the river when I realized I still held the envelope in my hands. Before I could put it away, it began to hum and twitch and huff, as if breathing. »Oh no, she wouldn’t,« I said to myself, when I already knew she would. Just then, the envelope sucked in a mouthful of air and blew itself into a little ball. The sudden change broke my grip on it and, still thrumming, the ball fell down towards the river. Just as it was about to hit the surface, [url=http://www.enworld.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=20978]Madison came out of the water, held her hands up, and caught the ball as tenderly as she would catch a soap bubble[/url]. Then she was gone again. For a moment, I was terribly angry with her, but it didn’t last long. After all, I still had the cat. The hat was nothing to me. Where I was going, I wouldn’t be able to sell it, anyway. With a shrug, I turned my umbrella to the west. - Of course, they got me. I wouldn’t be talking to you if they hadn’t. Oh, don’t look at me like that. You asked me why I was in here. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but it’s true. I’m still a little annoyed the mermaid tricked me. Now I know why cats eat fish – the fish don’t deserve any better. Anyway, they found me hiding in Yellowstone a few weeks ago. I guess the police have their own druids and rangers, of the kind that don’t hate nature like I do. I’ve been waiting for my trial ever since. I’ll plead “not guilty”, of course. Doesn’t everybody? What happened to Mr. Meowth? They found parts of it when they caught me. I know it was foolish to keep them around, but you know what they say: A cat that good, you don’t eat all at once. [/QUOTE]
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