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Message: <blockquote data-quote="alsih2o" data-source="post: 2025810" data-attributes="member: 4790">Big Tom Vs. Eeralai Judgement- Alsih2o-  Big Tom- Wow. What a strange tale.  I enjoyed MOST of the world you have here. I empathized with the main character, believed the other characters and felt like you created a cohesive environment for a story. What I didn’t like was the ending.  Part of the problem is that it is a BAM kind of punchline ending and it isn’t as strong as other parts of the story. Some of which are really strong.  The tree picture seems to have been stretched a bit. OK, more than a bit. Maybe a previous reference would have helped? The ape costume pic is a bit stretched, but you pulled it off better. The conversation about magic gets a bit screwball and hard to follow, but it seems appropriate given the scene you have created for it.  The snail is fine, that is a moment that would get illustrated. The car is funny, but a bit forced it seems. Overall I find the story darned strong. I would like to see it reworked and polished without the three day limit. Eeralai- Wow. A really original twist wrapped around a strong story. Reality TV and Tolkien and fast food jokes. Believable characters, tight conversations and very few moments that didn’t maintain the complete strength. I really liked how central to the story the snail pic was. The orc pic was great, the white tree was handled beautifully and the car was foretold well. Great story.[sblock] Judgement- Big Tom wrote a really god and interesting story, but Eeralai presented an exceptional story. My vote goes to Eeralai. [/sblock] Piratecat’s commentary on BigTom vs EeralaiBigTom’s Finals WeekThis fun story makes me think of Harry Potter-esque magic academies. Thatmeans it’s setting itself up for comparison to J.K. Rowling!My one complaint is that BigTom is in the habit of telling, not showing. Ithink the story would be much more powerful if he trusts readers to figureout conclusions on their own, and just gives them the clues that they needto make those conclusions. For instance, don’t tell me that Trent’s beenworking hard on his transformation spells, show me the debris and crawlingcreatures resulting from his practice. Don’t tell me that Mackenzie has noimpulse control, show me. This flaw undermines an otherwise solid story,making it less engaging than it could be.The more Ceramic DM I do, the more I’m convinced that you need to weaveimages into major plot roles that make sense in context in order to makethem avoid feeling strained. BigTom did a great job of doing this with themonkey suit, because it tied intimately into the “reverse time” solution toTrent’s problem.  Although using the snail image as the main plot driver wasa fun idea, I felt like the other two photos were dragging along the plot.They didn’t really feel like they needed to be there; in particular, I thinkthe ending could have been much more effective if he hadn’t randomlyteleported the car, a conclusion that hadn’t been foreshadowed at all.Nevertheless, I liked the premise of a flubbed transformation. The additionof more whimsy (everyone likes talking snails!) and less explicit “telling”would make it even stronger than it is now.Eeralai’s Bilboian TrekOriginal concept? Check.Engaging story? Check.Relevant literary analogy? Check.Realistic and consistent back story? Check.Smoothly integrated photos? Check.Well-written conversation? Check.Emotional payoff? Check.It’s difficult to write a tight story in a small amount of space, especiallywhen you have to work in improbable photographs that aren’t thematicallylinked. It’s particularly hard to do one that’s relatively original, freshand can stand on its own as a work of fiction. That’s what we’ve got here.It isn't perfect, but I think it's darned good.Liza’s emotional epiphany and the use of the Tolkien imagery are especiallystrong. That’s the twist that elevates this above the usual; the humorousand surreal are made to feel absolutely normal within the context of theworld. Eeralai gets additional credit for not over-explaining the world upfront. By waiting until mid-story before describing how the world changed,she had me hooked.There are a few nit picks. Ryan’s whining got old and unrealisticallyshrill, and he wanted to win so badly that his cheating – especially infront of observers – seems badly out of character. He effectively becamedehumanized part way through the story; by Eeralai not showing us any of hispositive aspects whatsoever, he eventually borders on a parody of“emotionally abusive husband” instead of coming off as a three dimensionalcharacter that he needs to be. I actually hated him and wanted him to gethis just desserts earlier in the piece because he seemed more like arealistic person at that point. For that same reason, the climax with theupside-down car wasn’t as strong as it could have been. Ryan bringing on hisown defeat seemed inevitable and somewhat staged.I also think that Eeralai's style has to limber up a little bit. Sentencesgenerally have the same cadence, and there aren't many stylistic risks;there's also some "telling, not showing."Those are the only negative points I can make about an otherwise outstandingstory. Nice work.[sblock]I really liked BigTom’s story, but he was up against some difficultcompetition this time. My judgment goes to Eeralai. [/sblock] Maldur- Big Tom vs Eeralai Snails, cars, shapechanging and donut eating Halflings[sblock]My vote for Eeralai, I kinda like the car race revisited[/sblock]Decision-  [sblock]Vote is 3-0 with Eeralai advancing to the next round![/sblock]</blockquote>

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