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Message: <blockquote data-quote="alsih2o" data-source="post: 2061127" data-attributes="member: 4790">Thorod vs Marauder X  Maldur-For some reason I feel that MarauderX's story need a Elton John soundtrack <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> Thorod's story allthough a nifty idea, cant seem to grab me, and I need to wrestle with the words to read through it. [sblock]My vote MarauderX [/sblock]Alsih2o- Thorod Ashstaff- Thorod has turned in just the first chapter of a bigger story, a technique tried by quite a few Ceramicers. The difference is that Thorod makes it complete, and this makes it work.  There is some kickbutt dialogue in here and the language is strong. The narrator is consistent even as he changes and the characters all ring true even in brief appearances. Strong stuff. The picture use is really strong. Every picture drives the story or sustains it. I never really felt a reach. If the bridge pic had been just a bridge it would have been OK, but it is used to reveal a bit of personality from our narrator, to fill him out a bit more. The snakes ring back several times, the Maid outfit reaches a bit, but by the time we get to it we are so consumed by the plot that it drives right through. Good stuff. Marauder X- Hmmm. This isn’t a fantasy story at all. Thinking about it, I guess we have never had a rule that you have to write fantasy, but I do believce this is the first time someone hasn’t! The story is solid with one jarring exception. I didn’t know our narrator was female until the dinner with her father. This was very jarring.  Despite this you have put together a solid story. The people strike me as knowable and the dialogue works well. The pictures, however, feel frequently tacked on. The dog, the snakes…these seem to be added. The bridge scene feels a bit tacked on but the writing and imagery were strong enough to distract me.  Judgement: [sblock] I am really weirded out over the double Thailand, double X-files references. Marauder X brings us a good story, but Thorod Ashstaff brings us a reall, really strong story. My vote goes to Thorod Ashstaff[/sblock] Piratecat- MarauderX:This is a good story. It’d be better if it weren’t straining to include thephotos.I’ll explain. Some stories aren’t great, and they suffer from desperatelytrying to integrate the illustrations. Some stories are seamlessly wrappedaround the stories to such an extent that you wouldn’t even guess that theimages are an external constraint. And some stories are really good tales inand of themselves, but are weakened as they try to include all the images.This is one of the latter.I really like the rich and descriptive writing style. Some strained phrasingaside (the sentence “...which made for Barry and me to be strangebedfellows, but all I can say is that we were kindred spirits,” made meblink several times,) the story of Barry and Sara’s romance was a reallynice one. She learns to trust and give up some control, and they both learnmore about one another.The problem is that other than the shot of Barry with his glasses, thephotos are generally incidental to the story. That doesn’t mean it’s a badstory, but there’s a disconnect that happens every time the reader reachesone of the photo scenes.  I’d love to read MarauderX’s version of this storythat didn’t include all the photos, just to see how he’d tweak it.Thorod:Thorod’s burned-out PI makes for an engaging narrator. He’s got the rhythmjust about right, has the correct voice for the character. I liked theforeshadowing of the pictures, liked the plot, and liked the picture use.Adding the complexity of Thailand improved the story by putting Merrick outof his element. It was nice usage of an exotic location.I don’t have many criticisms or suggestions here. This was a well-craftedstory, and one that I enjoyed. Nicely done.Judgment:[sblock]MarauderX wrote a very good story, but Thorod takes it with a complex andevocative picture of Thailand’s back streets. My vote goes to Thorod.[/sblock] Decision: [sblock] Thorod Ashstaff takes a split decision into the semifinals, 2-1[/sblock]</blockquote>

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