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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Sialia" data-source="post: 3327655" data-attributes="member: 1025">Piratecat, (caution: critique below and I'm counting on the fact that you know I love you and your writing to soften the tone 'cause I'm too tired & cranky to think of a sensitive & humorous way to say this.)[sblock] 1. Why the heck is your narrator interested in marrying a woman  who doen't share his religious views? If his sect is that important to him, I'd have thought shared faith would have been a dating pre-req. Not that it couldn't happen that he might fall in love with someone much against his preconceived ideas of the perfect domestic partner, but it seems to me that if that's what's happened, it's important enough to the story to show us some of that.  I'd buy that maybe he didn't know she was Wicca right away and loved her first and then had to adjust to new information, but I'll bet she knew what his faith was within a few paragraphs of meeting him--he wears it on his exterior loudly.  (And it's hard to believe he wouldn't ask.  Or his passionately religious family/community.) What was she thinking? If there's some other reason he's into her, or that she's into him, that would have been important too.I dunno--something just didn't ring true about this relationship. If the story is to work all the way through, I'd have to buy the struggle between faith and --whatever the strong compelling reason for wanting to get married to each other is. 2. As it is, the relationship becomes kind of irrelevant compared to the discussion about whether there is one god or many. In which case, lose the relationship altogether, and focus solely on his own spiritual journey. There's enough meat for the story there, if that's really where you want to go. But if I don't buy either his faith, or his immersion in a community that makes him think he has no faith options, it won't fly. You haven't gotten far enough inside his head to really show us the world through his eyes.3. If the story is rather about the thirsty frog god's experience, then give us a narrator who's more inherently flexible, but a virgin to flexible ideas, maybe someone who's never met anyone who wasn't a member of his own faith before. It would give him fresh eyes to see the frog with, and leave a lot of his distracting baggage outside.[/sblock]</blockquote>

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