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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Gulla" data-source="post: 3337929" data-attributes="member: 4272">Hmm, a nice day in the snow seem to put me a bit late with comments this time. I'll try to do them without looking at other peoples comments this time as well. Only having two stories to comment on makes it a little bit easier, having three kids running around (that is "going to bed") makes it quite a bit more difficult  <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> [sblock]Maxfieldjadenfox A nice story, with an interresting inner journey to find who you are, but I feel it lacks a bit of tension. And even though I normally don't pay much attention to "show don't tell" (or even always see the point or the difference) I think this story would have felt better if we could experience it with the girl. Now it feels almost like my character diary/journal: a summary of what has happened. The idea to have the pictures show different work the girl has done is nice, and well enough done that the lack of picture references didn't matter. But over all I feel you could have done this better. I seem to remember stories from you where I have felt more. This one lacks any resonance for me. Carpedavid Wow. This is very good. You hook me in with the first sentence, and then tells a story that doesn't feel long at all. And I read all these stories on screen, never on paper. I really feel with the old salesman who have given up/lost his childhood and his way back to it. The pictures fit seamlessly and I really feel sad (and relieved) at the end. I guess this is where I should be able to point out why I like the story, but I have never been able to dissect that feeling without ruining it, so you'll just have to be content with my gut feeling saying that this is the best of the 14 stories this round. Thank you.[/sblock]So, that was 14 stories commented on. That is a new personal best. I hope I kan keep it up through the whole competition. If you continue writing stories this good, I guess my motivation will be sufficient. Good luck to all in the next round, and welcome back next time to those who were eliminated.Håkon</blockquote>

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