Menu
News
All News
Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
Pathfinder
Starfinder
Warhammer
2d20 System
Year Zero Engine
Industry News
Reviews
Dragon Reflections
Columns
Weekly Digests
Weekly News Digest
Freebies, Sales & Bundles
RPG Print News
RPG Crowdfunding News
Game Content
ENterplanetary DimENsions
Mythological Figures
Opinion
Worlds of Design
Peregrine's Next
RPG Evolution
Other Columns
From the Freelancing Frontline
Monster ENcyclopedia
WotC/TSR Alumni Look Back
4 Hours w/RSD (Ryan Dancey)
The Road to 3E (Jonathan Tweet)
Greenwood's Realms (Ed Greenwood)
Drawmij's TSR (Jim Ward)
Community
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Resources
Wiki
Pages
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Downloads
Latest reviews
Search resources
EN Publishing
Store
EN5ider
Adventures in ZEITGEIST
Awfully Cheerful Engine
What's OLD is NEW
Judge Dredd & The Worlds Of 2000AD
War of the Burning Sky
Level Up: Advanced 5E
Events & Releases
Upcoming Events
Private Events
Featured Events
Socials!
Twitch
YouTube
Facebook (EN Publishing)
Facebook (EN World)
Twitter
Instagram
TikTok
Podcast
Features
Top 5 RPGs Compiled Charts 2004-Present
Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0
Ryan Dancey: Acquiring TSR
Q&A With Gary Gygax
D&D Rules FAQs
TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History
D&D Pronunciation Guide
Million Dollar TTRPG Kickstarters
Tabletop RPG Podcast Hall of Fame
Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News
D&D in the Mainstream
D&D & RPG History
About Morrus
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Forums & Topics
Forum List
Latest Posts
Forum list
*Dungeons & Dragons
Level Up: Advanced 5th Edition
D&D Older Editions
*TTRPGs General
*Pathfinder & Starfinder
EN Publishing
*Geek Talk & Media
Search forums
Chat/Discord
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
The
VOIDRUNNER'S CODEX
is coming! Explore new worlds, fight oppressive empires, fend off fearsome aliens, and wield deadly psionics with this comprehensive boxed set expansion for 5E and A5E!
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*TTRPGs General
Ceramic DM Winter 07 (Final Judgment Posted)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Gulla" data-source="post: 3358841" data-attributes="member: 4272"><p>Finally some time. It's quiet in the house after the kids left for school and my brain is mostly awake and the interresting parts of the Skiing World Championship isn't on for another 3 hours. Prefect for reading stories.</p><p></p><p>First Mythago. Since Miles Pilitus didn't deliver, you get another go at this. If you can squeeze in some sleep and a little more time the next round the other three probably should start making offerings to their dark gods to avoid you in the semi finals. </p><p>I don't quite agree with Siala that the opening is the best you have written, but it is more than good enough to keep me reading. The part that got me totally hooked was the start of the third paragraph: "The wax man stood up and stretched". I read it three times to be sure I got that right, and then just settled in for a nice ride.</p><p>I really like the mood and voice in what you did deliver. It's been some years since I read a lot of fairy-tales from around the world so my memory might fool me, but this felt like a traditional African fairy-tale. The mood was right, the images and the mythology also just fit perfectly. It is a bit rough, but what is there is very good and I think you could get a diamond out of this with some more work and time. </p><p></p><p>And then on to the spoilered ones:</p><p>[sblock]</p><p><strong>BSF</strong> (Boy am I glad you abbreviated it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ) You said you hoped there wasn't too many errors, but I'm afraid the ones I noticed did reduce my enjoyment a little. First I'm used to the spelling "voodoo" and when used in the title it disappointed me at the start, which is not good. The other jarring one was "I could the face of my quarry sitting on display" (missing word).</p><p>Otherwise it is risky writing another detective story after some rather good ones in the last round, and this time I don't think you managed to pull it off. The hints about the cat-detective are nice, and the story ok, but since speaking/intelligent animals are rare, the narrator should have more problems with it. Also the two uses of "the client might not be honest with me" seems like repetition (in a bad way) more than rising tension (which would be reptetition in a good way).</p><p>I like the overall idea behind the story, but feel it doesn't quite flow and come forth as finished. So my overall impression is that this is OK, but you can do better.</p><p></p><p><strong>CarpeDavid</strong> Nice! And with a happy ending. I like those <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> As with the last story I didn't feel it was long, but the watch tells me it was. That's the way a story should be (at least one of the ways it should be). The atmosphere of the story is very good. Gangs in a (not too far?) future setting is interresting, and the difference between "sqares" and "cool" gives almost a Grease-feeling. The characters seem believable and there is just enough resistance for the heroes to introduce tension in what I feel is more a very good description of a possible future. Extra brownie points for setting it on Mars, but you lose (most of) them by not having anything being different from Earth (low gravity, two moons, lack of atmosphere, anything, really)</p><p>Not much more to say, really. You write good, tell a good story with a pleasant pace. I still feel there is a little bit to go before you reach brilliant, which might be needed in the next round. Maybe some more complex characters or a more "difficult" story? The two stories so far I feel that you set your aim for "Exellent" and reach it easily (I know it is hard work, though). Maybe you should aim for "Genious" and take the chance of spectacular failure?</p><p>One thing I forgot: The dialogue is very good. (At least to me, as a very "square" and without English as my main language). </p><p>[/sblock]</p><p></p><p>Thanks to all the writers so far, and I'm really looking forward to the last match and the next rounds. </p><p></p><p>Håkon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gulla, post: 3358841, member: 4272"] Finally some time. It's quiet in the house after the kids left for school and my brain is mostly awake and the interresting parts of the Skiing World Championship isn't on for another 3 hours. Prefect for reading stories. First Mythago. Since Miles Pilitus didn't deliver, you get another go at this. If you can squeeze in some sleep and a little more time the next round the other three probably should start making offerings to their dark gods to avoid you in the semi finals. I don't quite agree with Siala that the opening is the best you have written, but it is more than good enough to keep me reading. The part that got me totally hooked was the start of the third paragraph: "The wax man stood up and stretched". I read it three times to be sure I got that right, and then just settled in for a nice ride. I really like the mood and voice in what you did deliver. It's been some years since I read a lot of fairy-tales from around the world so my memory might fool me, but this felt like a traditional African fairy-tale. The mood was right, the images and the mythology also just fit perfectly. It is a bit rough, but what is there is very good and I think you could get a diamond out of this with some more work and time. And then on to the spoilered ones: [sblock] [b]BSF[/b] (Boy am I glad you abbreviated it ;) ) You said you hoped there wasn't too many errors, but I'm afraid the ones I noticed did reduce my enjoyment a little. First I'm used to the spelling "voodoo" and when used in the title it disappointed me at the start, which is not good. The other jarring one was "I could the face of my quarry sitting on display" (missing word). Otherwise it is risky writing another detective story after some rather good ones in the last round, and this time I don't think you managed to pull it off. The hints about the cat-detective are nice, and the story ok, but since speaking/intelligent animals are rare, the narrator should have more problems with it. Also the two uses of "the client might not be honest with me" seems like repetition (in a bad way) more than rising tension (which would be reptetition in a good way). I like the overall idea behind the story, but feel it doesn't quite flow and come forth as finished. So my overall impression is that this is OK, but you can do better. [b]CarpeDavid[/b] Nice! And with a happy ending. I like those :) As with the last story I didn't feel it was long, but the watch tells me it was. That's the way a story should be (at least one of the ways it should be). The atmosphere of the story is very good. Gangs in a (not too far?) future setting is interresting, and the difference between "sqares" and "cool" gives almost a Grease-feeling. The characters seem believable and there is just enough resistance for the heroes to introduce tension in what I feel is more a very good description of a possible future. Extra brownie points for setting it on Mars, but you lose (most of) them by not having anything being different from Earth (low gravity, two moons, lack of atmosphere, anything, really) Not much more to say, really. You write good, tell a good story with a pleasant pace. I still feel there is a little bit to go before you reach brilliant, which might be needed in the next round. Maybe some more complex characters or a more "difficult" story? The two stories so far I feel that you set your aim for "Exellent" and reach it easily (I know it is hard work, though). Maybe you should aim for "Genious" and take the chance of spectacular failure? One thing I forgot: The dialogue is very good. (At least to me, as a very "square" and without English as my main language). [/sblock] Thanks to all the writers so far, and I'm really looking forward to the last match and the next rounds. Håkon [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Community
General Tabletop Discussion
*TTRPGs General
Ceramic DM Winter 07 (Final Judgment Posted)
Top