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Message: <blockquote data-quote="yangnome" data-source="post: 3394977" data-attributes="member: 7413">Orchid Blossom:Carpedavid – King of SnakeThis was a really fun story.  I liked the folktale feel, especially at the beginning, and you managed the transition from the exposition at the beginning to the real story very well.I’ll admit, I cringed a little when the word “destiny” came out.  In many stories the word destiny is a shortcut, a way to avoid explaining why a particular character is the one who has to go on the adventure; save the world.  It was a relief then to see as the story progressed that there really was a reason for it to be Fahai.You did lose me during the fight scenes, but that isn’t a problem with your writing.  Any time I read a novel or story with fight scenes I change to skim mode.  Unless the scene is including banter between the participants I basically skim to see if there’s anything important said and who won.  So I had to continually refocus myself to make sure I read and didn’t skim through those scenes.Also a bit distracting to me was the character’s habit of shouting out the martial arts move they were using.  I know it’s a time-honored tradition in anime, (I don’t know anything about real martial arts), so I kept getting these ridiculous pictures in my head of Lina Inverse from The Slayers or the anime which shall remain nameless because of the word filter where all the spells were named after heavy metal bands.Please note, none of my problems are with execution.  The story was well-written and interesting.  Everything for me was style, which falls under the “you can’t please everyone” rule.Picutre use:Universally strong.  The only one I can pick on at all is the one with all the people in the water.  The scene serves to illustrate Fahai’s character, but it’s not a terribly important scene to the story.Mythago – What can I say but “Dammit, I want more!”  It was a great beginning, and I hope at some point if you ever have the time you’ll finish this story.  Thanks so much for sending us what you had, it was worth it.Herremann:Round Three - Match Twocarpedavid vs. mythagoAnd so it begins, the task of finding the two contestants worthy of fighting it out to join Ceramic DM Godhood. And besides, I had a hungry scythe looking for three more victims.“Welcome to the court on this dangerously ill evening”, I said with thunder cracking and rumbling all around. Staccato blasts of light hauntingly illuminated my backyard, the court in full expectation of a clash worthy of the Demon Lords themselves. ‘Lady Death’ thrummed in my hands as the two court imps brought forth the offerings. I tapped her blade against stone to begin.“This evening’s match-up sees carpedavid contend with mythago in a battle of Ceramic DM giants. Unfortunately, it would appear that mythago has been unable to complete her entry, however she may hold her head high in submitting the generous amount that she has under the circumstances. Not only this, but she has left a tale hanging that deserves to be finished. The denizens of this court need to know more about Tuong, his Chauchau heritage and what his future held. You seem to have an uncanny knack of hooking in a reader with seemingly little effort - although I am sure to produce what you have took a great deal of effort indeed. All I shall say is that this looked like the beginning of a story worthy of a ceramic DM semi-final. Unfortunately however, this means that I will have to hand the match to carpedavid but not before giving further comment.”“carpedavid has given us a mysterious tale of Fahai’s journey and destiny, beautifully constructed and epic in format. The prelude provides a wonderful context for the rest of the story to interact with, creating a true sense of depth and authenticity. The journey of the young Fahai while simple and linear was enough to keep me going until the conclusion - carpedavid exhibiting great skill in imposing genuine suspense into the action.  In addition may I say that this was a conclusion I enjoyed very much. Utterly suitable to the piece, I heartily smiled at Fahai’s final destiny of guardianship in the Netherworld. I will make mention though that had mythago completed her piece, this would have been a very close call.”“In terms of image use, I could not fault carpedavid’s handling of a very difficult set of images. To meld them all into an Asian background and flavour was quite ingenious. I shake my head sometimes at what you guys can come up with. Just when I think a coherent story impossible to construct from such a wicked set of pictures, you provide a story not only coherent but with the images proudly displaying the key points of the adventure, as if they could not have meant anything but!”“In all seriousness, I think each image was strongly used from the ritual start of Fahai’s journey, the meeting with the self-imprisoned ChingChing, the river battle with Bo the bully, the yeti pup, the final battle with the King of Snake as well as the meeting with Bai Suzhen. This is an exceptionally strong use of images that should fire a true warning to your fellow finalist - whoever that may be. However, I have a funny feeling that story-wise, you will have to be even stronger to claim ultimate victory. Best of luck carpedavid in the final and commiserations to mythago, I wish you the best for your health and look forward to reading your future writing.”Yangome:Mythago:Thanks for taking the time to submit a partial story here.  You have an excellent start to what sounds like a fun story.  Being a DG fan, I’d love to hear the rest of it.  I hope you take the time to write it some day. Carpedavid:Another very good story.  There isn’t too much to say about it.  Mechanically, it was solid and your picture use overall was good.  I do think the river picture felt out of place, but that happens with CDM at times.  You captured a good feel of the genre throughout the story.  I enjoyed the “named" strikes. Good job.My vote is for Carpe DavidCarpeDavid proceeds 3-0 to the next round.</blockquote>

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