Challenge: Create the most ridiculous or boring CR 5 monster.

[Simplicity]

Today's challenge for bored ENWorlders is to create the most ridiculous or boring
CR 5 monster you can. Who knows, maybe it'll get included in the
"Tome of Humdrum"...

Requirements:
1) Can be any type but humanoid or animal. (A CR 5 goblin or duck just isn't interestingly boring...)
2) Must have at least one special ability.

My attempt:

Shoe, Digesting:
CR 5
Tiny Magical Beast
Attack +7 (1d2 + 1d8 acid, acid tongue) or +7 (1d2 + bootcall, slam)
...
Organization: Solitary or in pairs.

Special Abilities:
Bootcall: Whenever hit by a digesting shoe's slam attack, a player must immediately make a Fortitude save for each shoe or boot that he/she wears (DC 16). Failure means that the player's shoes become digesting shoes in 1d4 rounds.

Shoetrap: Any player who places their foot inside a digesting shoe immediately takes 3d6 damage per round from the digestive acids that are secreted. Removing a digesting shoe is difficult, and requires a successful strength check DC 16.

 

[gizmo33]

The problem is that I'm too bored with the monster to actually write up it's stat block.

Vampiric Tumbleweed
Medium Plant
powers: improved grapple, blood drain, drywind aura

 

[Gez]

Dire Spiderduck.
Medium Aberration, CR 5.

This creature has the round abdomen and cephalotorax of a monstrous spider, but with two feathered wings, a duckbill instead of its mandibles, and each of its eight long legs ends in a duck's feet.

Attack: Beak +8 (1d6+3)
Special Attack: Quack
Special Qualities: Evasion

Quack (Su): Once per hour, a Dire Spiderduck can let out a powerful quack. Within a 60 ft. radius, any humanoid, monstrous humanoid, or magical beast hearing it must succeed at a Fort save (DC 12) or be turned into another Dire Spiderduck. This can be dispelled as a permanent 3rd-level spell. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Evasion: For some reason, these aberrations are especially apt at ducking out of area of effects.

 

[gizmo33]

I'd apply the earth elemental template to the dire spiderduck and introduce the ability "Earthquack" to it's powers. A quack of such sonic power that it creates fissures in the earth beneath the hero's feet...

 

[Simplicity]

Well, of course it can duck out of the way given its spider-senses...

 

[Simplicity]

The problem is that I'm too bored with the monster to actually write up it's stat block.

Vampiric Tumbleweed
Medium Plant
powers: improved grapple, blood drain, drywind aura

I think I've actually seen something very similar in one of the WotC books...
Maybe I'm wrong.

I could see one of these guys sneaking up on someone though...

 

[two]

A Taxing Problem

I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem
Medium Construct, CR 5.
Hit points: 50

This construct wears a green dealer visor, thick bifocals, and instead of a hand on its left arm, it contains an elaborate adding machine. On the tips of the right hand are a selection of always-sharp pencils, and the thumb doubles as a very soft and effective eraser. The eraser rubbings smell pretty good too.

Attack: see below
Special Attack: Overwhelming Compulsion
Special Qualities: Immune to Physical Damage

Overwhelming Compulsion: Anyone within 20' of the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem must make a DC22 will save or be compelled to drop all items, quickly procure paper, and copy an elaborate set of rules stencilled on the back of the golem onto a blank sheet of paper. Trouble is, the set of rules stencilled is in constant flux, requiring those attempting to copy them to work endlessly, constantly fixing, adding, erasing, amending, and modifying. Every hour that is spent attempting to scribe these rules to paper result in a permanant 1d4 Wisdom, Charisma, and Intelligence loss. Once the initial will save is failed, the compulsion cannot be overcome except by Dispel Magic vs. a 15th level spell effect.

Immune to Physical Damage: The I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem is comlpetely immune to all physical damage. You can't stop such a creature as this with the sword -- only with the pen. If a new set of rules is written on a paper, and submitted to a I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem for review, and if the rules are grossly in violation with the spirit of the rules printed upon the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem's back, the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem takes 1d4 points of damage. Each page of submitted rules does an additional 1d4 points of damage. After taking more than 20 points of damage, the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem will attempt to escape, if possible. However, it may be easily entangled by any sticky substance, such as honey-dipped red tape.

 

[gizmo33]

I could see one of these guys sneaking up on someone though...

Yea, sort of the desert's answer to the mimmic or gelatinous cube. Desert adventurers would be paranoid, fireballing every tumbleweed that blew their way.

 

[gizmo33]

If a new set of rules is written on a paper, and submitted to a I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem for review, and if the rules are grossly in violation with the spirit of the rules printed upon the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem's back, the I-11-JK41-3_12.41 Golem takes 1d4 points of damage.

I think Captain Kirk had these guys as his Favored Enemy. I remember one episode where Kirk caused this robot to self-destruct because the robot couldn't handle Kirk's twisted and self-serving logic (or at least that's how I interpret it).

 

[Simplicity]

I think Captain Kirk had these guys as his Favored Enemy. I remember one episode where Kirk caused this robot to self-destruct because the robot couldn't handle Kirk's twisted and self-serving logic (or at least that's how I interpret it).

I remember that episode (I, Mudd). It was Spock who did it. He had two identical robot women with him. To one he said something like:

Spock: Alice 26, I love you. But I hate you, Alice 27.
Robot #7: Why do you hate me? I'm identical in every way to Alice 26.
Spock: Yes, of course. That is exactly why I hate you.
(Both of the robots blow up in a puff of logic).