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<blockquote data-quote="jmucchiello" data-source="post: 4452886" data-attributes="member: 813">I always give the same advice about cheating featured by fifth element...And calling her out on it is designed to increase whose fun? Making her feel like crap is designed to make her feel bad. Who goes to D&amp;D sessions to be ridiculed and made to feel bad. Deep down, I'm sure she already loathes cheating. So calling her out on it cannot help. The question is, why does she cheat? What does she hope to accomplish by cheating?IME, the main reason someone cheats at an activity like D&amp;D is there is something so dire outside the game which they can't control and cheating at D&amp;D provides them with a level of control they seek IRL. Now, it's not your job to psychoanalyze your friends. But her motivation for cheating is unlikely to be &quot;to annoy the other players when the see I'm cheating.&quot; Thus, she isn't doing it TO you. She's doing it FOR herself.That's your definition of fun. Again, spotlight hogs are also folks who have some pressing need to be better than they are. This is probably rooted in deep psychological issues or recent stress out of their control. In some people's psyches failure at anything feeds their darkness. And cheating at die rolls maybe their only way to fight against that darkness.That is the real crux of the matter. You need to determine when her fun outweighs everyone else's. But until you reach that point, you need to ask yourself &quot;does her cheating really affect you?&quot;Once you feel the cheating is bothering you, well, you're not a psychiatrist so it isn't your job to cure her. It's your job to have fun. Part ways as amicably as you can with as little reference to the cheating as possible.Good Luck.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="jmucchiello, post: 4452886, member: 813"] I always give the same advice about cheating featured by fifth element... And calling her out on it is designed to increase whose fun? Making her feel like crap is designed to make her feel bad. Who goes to D&D sessions to be ridiculed and made to feel bad. Deep down, I'm sure she already loathes cheating. So calling her out on it cannot help. The question is, why does she cheat? What does she hope to accomplish by cheating? IME, the main reason someone cheats at an activity like D&D is there is something so dire outside the game which they can't control and cheating at D&D provides them with a level of control they seek IRL. Now, it's not your job to psychoanalyze your friends. But her motivation for cheating is unlikely to be "to annoy the other players when the see I'm cheating." Thus, she isn't doing it TO you. She's doing it FOR herself. That's your definition of fun. Again, spotlight hogs are also folks who have some pressing need to be better than they are. This is probably rooted in deep psychological issues or recent stress out of their control. In some people's psyches failure at anything feeds their darkness. And cheating at die rolls maybe their only way to fight against that darkness. That is the real crux of the matter. You need to determine when her fun outweighs everyone else's. But until you reach that point, you need to ask yourself "does her cheating really affect you?" Once you feel the cheating is bothering you, well, you're not a psychiatrist so it isn't your job to cure her. It's your job to have fun. Part ways as amicably as you can with as little reference to the cheating as possible. Good Luck. [/QUOTE]

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