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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Chimera" data-source="post: 1986438" data-attributes="member: 2002">Been there, done that, even sent one or two of them.  So I have some suggestions and advice.*  DO NOT SEND IT.  I wrote a 7 page letter to my ex-wife after our divorce was final, then cut it down to 3 and ended up sending that version to her and a number of her friends and relatives (so she couldn't make up false claims of what I'd written).  It was like handing gasoline to a person just waiting to spontaneously combust.  She had a total meltdown (she's mentally ill) and went off the deep end with paranoid claims - even in the face of proof that I didn't write the things she claimed.*  If you handle working with the computer well, then write it on your computer.  This allowed me to re-compose, delete sections, reword things at will, etc.  You might find that you regret what you put to paper, or find a better way of saying it after writing it.  It also makes it very easy to delete.*  As someone else said, write it with no intent to send it.  Just to reinforce the "I don't intend to send this" vibe.  Then open up and pour your heart out.  Say anything and everything.* DO NOT CALL.  I cannot stress that enough.  With a phone call, there is evidence that you called (phone records), but they can make up any claim they want as to what you said.  If there is any tension AT ALL between you, then studiously avoid calling.  (My ex-wife tried to call me about 30 times and never left a message - until I finally had her number blocked.  Then she claimed that not only had she NEVER called me, but that I had been calling daily to harass her.  Despite the fact that she had changed her number (to an unlisted) and I didn't know it.)*  Keep it on your computer (as above).  Read and re-read it as often as you feel the need.  Add to it if you feel the need.  Then, when you don't need it anymore, delete it.I don't know about you, but I couldn't "forgive", because "forgive" to me means that the other person has admitted error and repented.  But I found that I could "let go".  This means that I found that I could let go of the need for justice, the need to hang on to the pain.  To just let her go her own way.  In my case, it was made easier by her very public meltdown.  I realized that no matter what I wished for her, no matter how much I wanted "justice" for the incredible lies and visciousness....there was no hell that I could wish upon her that would be worse than the one that she had created for herself.Oh and again, don't send it.</blockquote>

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