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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Saracenus" data-source="post: 8322039" data-attributes="member: 47839">I have only met Ernie in passing during the last in person GaryCon and exchanged a few posts on FB. I make no great claim of insight or friendship with him.  Just like when I say I am not a lawyer (IANAL) when talking about things legal, I am not a licensed therapist and in no way am I diagnosing Ernie. With that said, trauma… Welp, I do have first hand, second hand, and third hand experience with that monster.Trauma can explain behavior, understanding someone’s trauma can give you empathy for the person who has it, but it never excuses the infliction of it on others.Rob’s characterization of Ernie as someone that seeks the middle (i.e. conflict avoidance) tracks with what a lot of trauma survivors (myself included) have ingrained in us as survival behavior. At the time it is created is usually appropriate because if you are here today, it probably helped save your life. Where it gets tricky is when you are past the abuse or other precipitation event and continue the survival behavior in ways that hurt you and/or those around you, it then becomes maladaptive.It has taken me many years of therapy to recognize this and then change my behavior. I have watched plenty of my peers fail to take these steps in their life. Quite a few have self-medicating behaviors which for me was reading, a lot, ignoring the outside world. I have seen others spiral out with drugs and/or alcohol, computer games, conspiracy theories, etc. The primary thing is disassociation to get away from the pain.When you are not dealing with and clearing your trauma you got two places to go with it outward or inward (because that survival minded lizard brain sees the world in binary terms). You cannot see the option to let it pass through you and not placed upon someone else or yourself.In a perfect world Ernie would get himself some help, recognize what he as done, and then make amends. We are not in that place right now and my gut feeling is that he is not really able to make that leap and will continue to do what he can to avoid the conflict he started. This tracks with the non-apology he gave.Rob, thank you for trying to break through with him.</blockquote>

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