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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 5313468" data-attributes="member: 177">If I may - this is not a solution.  A happy marriage is not a panacea that fixes things that are unhealthy within people.A happy marriage is a goal, it is a result, what may come from people who care about each other and support each other.  You and your wife both seem to have individual problems - the happy marriage may come about if you team up and address the roots of those problems, not the other way around.My wife sometimes performs with a dance troupe.  At one point, she did a piece with her snake - a 5' long ball python.  Now, working with animals has risks, as we saw one night - as she's performing, the snake took a huge leak all over the stage, piddling everywhere, almost hitting the front row of the audience.My wife, of course, was mortified.  But somehow she finished her number without missing a beat, we got a mop to clean the stage between acts, and the show went on.  She learned a very simple lesson - you cannot die from embarrassment.    That is not good.  See below.This may be useful.  In the middle of stress, it can be devilishly easy to remember all the things that are annoying to you, and hard to see those things that brought you together in the first place.But let us be clear - this will not address the root problems you two have.  It may help alleviate the acute difficulties between you for the moment, but the underlying sources of stress are still there.  Eventually, they'll need attention, or you'll just wind up back where you are now.For example, she's still isolated.  It is not physically possible for you and a baby to be an entire world for her.  She needs to have a world of her own to interact with.  I don't know how you'll find one, but it sounds like she needs one, badly.If your "as if" works, and you see some caring grow again between you, maybe you can address this - help her find a mother's support group, hunt until you find some form of day-care you can afford that gives her some personal freedom.  As you do your "as if", get out where you have to interact with the rest of the human race.</blockquote>

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