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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Jack7" data-source="post: 5313678" data-attributes="member: 54707">I very much agree with this.And this. But your marriage could die from being too embarrassed to try what might work. Never be afraid to do whatever is necessary in the pursuit of what is good. If it costs you a little pride, that's a price worth paying if it works.The marriage, if you and she want it to work, is the important thing. The work to get there, that's the price of doing business.Sometimes all hell breaks loose before things change for the better. And sometimes, ironically, that is very helpful. I've been there. And like you I preferred written communications til things improved. Kept things defused while we were going through our arguing stage. And after all, I am a writer, and I don't like arguing to escalate matters. Only arguing if it will actually solve a problem.But remember, experimenting with different possible solutions is part of the process. Not all will work, and maybe not all will fail.  But she's trying to experiment too. Believe it or not this is a good sign on her part. Shows she's trying. I wouldn't dismiss this sign.I'll suggest an experiment to you that might work. When you get together for the first few weeks or months after your big blow-up don't talk at all about what's wrong with your marriage. And what you don't like about each other or your situation. Only talk about what you like about each other, and what you like about your marriage. It's a little bit like a ball player who has struck out several times at bat. If each time he goes up to the plate he's thinking about what he did wrong last time, and about striking out, chances are he will again. Instead he should think about the last time he hit well, and what he was doing to hit well. And do those things.Next time you guys are up at the plate, see if you can both agree to swing like you mean to hit well (just not each other), rather than to strike out. It works if you can make it a habit. Concentrate on what you're doing right, not what you're doing wrong.Then later on, once things cool and emotions are controlled, then calmly and reasonably discuss your problems. Then you can do that objectively and without concentrating on the problems like they're all you have. You'll already be in the habit of hitting base-runs. You can then discuss your marital problems like they are just problems in your marriage, rather than discussing your marriage like it is the problem.Anyways, good luck and Godspeed to you both.</blockquote>

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