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<blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 5313775" data-attributes="member: 177">I would like to add something.&nbsp; There's an aspect of, &quot;Whatever you do, do not think about an elephant,&quot; to this.&nbsp; Both of you have been hurt, and maybe have been unintentionally hurting each other for a while now.&nbsp; That's going to mean you both have habits - trains of thought, automatic reactions.&nbsp; These things are not apt to work in your favor right now.You may have to consciously choose to avoid such habits, to stop yourself, shut your mouth, and think for a moment.&nbsp; Something that might help here (a trick that's good on message boards as well, come to think of it) - whenever something is said that stings, stop, and consider if there could possibly be any way to interpret it that stings less.&nbsp; Take everything said in its best possible interpretation, rather than its worst.&nbsp; Even if it goes against your immediate reaction, assume your partner is not actively trying to hurt you.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Umbran, post: 5313775, member: 177"] I would like to add something. There's an aspect of, "Whatever you do, do not think about an elephant," to this. Both of you have been hurt, and maybe have been unintentionally hurting each other for a while now. That's going to mean you both have habits - trains of thought, automatic reactions. These things are not apt to work in your favor right now. You may have to consciously choose to avoid such habits, to stop yourself, shut your mouth, and think for a moment. Something that might help here (a trick that's good on message boards as well, come to think of it) - whenever something is said that stings, stop, and consider if there could possibly be any way to interpret it that stings less. Take everything said in its best possible interpretation, rather than its worst. Even if it goes against your immediate reaction, [I]assume your partner is not actively trying to hurt you[/I]. [/QUOTE]

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