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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Deset Gled" data-source="post: 5314964" data-attributes="member: 7808">One piece of advice I can give you is to try and look at thing as your wife sees them.  Some of the things you've said so far sound very well intentioned, but will not seem that way to your wife.I'm going to go through a few of the events you've related to us and show you how they (may) seem to your wife.  This generally means spinning them to make you look like as big of a jerk as possible.  You may find this pretty insulting.  If it upsets you, or if you just don't take heavy critisism very well, please don't read any further.  If you want to see how you (may) look through your wife's eyes, please consider the following examples:Your wife doesn't see you as immature.  She sees you as a liar, a thief, and potentially being criminally negligent.  You said you were going to pick up "some things" and you took her home!  Even worse, you locked your own baby out of the house!  What would have happened if you wife ran out of food or clean clothes for the baby?  How could your wife properly take care of the kid when she's locked out of the place where all the supplies are?  What would have happened if she had no place to stay for the night?  {On a note not coming from you wife's POV: this is the type of thing that is seriously going to bite you in the ass if you actually do end up getting a divorce.}Why does a woman who has to stay home all day with a baby (doing all of the clothes cleaning, bottle cleaning, diaper changing, preparing food for herself and the baby, etc etc) care if you straightened up the house a little?  Her entire life is a continuous string of taking care of your child from one day to the next.  Doing a load of dishes is not going make her life notably better.  On the surface you're being insensitive to her needs.  But going out of the way to force her to acknowledge what you do makes things that much worse.You start off sounding like you're being nice and telling your wife to take a night off.  Unfortunately, she still has to take care of the baby.  You cannot simply hang out and socialize while you're still in charge of an infant.  If you seriously meant to make things easier for your wife, you needed to offer to take the baby (or get a babysitter, or arrange for the baby to be dropped off at a relative's house, etc).  To tell her that she should take the baby along on her night off makes it seem like you don't value the work she does when she cares for the baby.  In her eyes, you see her as nothing but a nanny to care for your offspring.  The fact that you remind her of the time you spent with friends (without the baby) and how great of a time you had only makes things worse.Your wife offered to stop and talk things through with you.  You turned her down because you decided there was no value in it.  You have just told your wife that you are no longer interested in making things better.  You may claim otherwise, but this action speaks louder than most of your words.Also, you seem to be really big on this issue of not being "valued" in the relationship, but the only thing you've mentioned doing so far in this regard are basic chores.  Your value in a relationship is measured by the happiness that you give the other person, not the deeds you do.  By continuing to focus on what you feel you deserve, you're only going to push your wife farther away.If you told this to your wife, it is the same as flat out telling her you care nothing for her and only care about the baby.  That is not an easy statement to take back.  Also, you need to realize that walking home in the cold does not make you a martyr; it just makes you stubborn.{I also can't help but wonder: why did the cops pick you up, anyway?  Is walking around the streets of New Jersey a crime now?}---Hopefully, this can give you some insight into how things looks from your wife's POV.  I apologize if I have been overly hurtful, but I believe it is valuable to realize how some of these things look from the outside.  If you find this more painful than hurtful, PM me and I will delete the post from the thread.</blockquote>

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