Critique My Adventure

[AnthonyRoberson]

I have been working on an adventure that I think is on par with the 1E 'old-school' adventures that have been recently popping up. Of course, I can't be very objective about my own work and so I want some critiques.

If you have a minute, go HERE for a short PDF sample of the adventure. Let me know what you think! I am looking for comments mostly about writing style and less about content, since it is just a short taste of the entire adventure.

 

[Mycanid]

Hey there Anthony...

I downloaded at looked at what you wrote up. Looks okay to me. But admittedly I found it hard to get much of an overview from the little snippet. Still, what I read seems fine.

 

[delericho]

I agree - the writing seems fine, but it's hard to get a real feel from such a small sample.

I know you said you were more interested in comments on the writing style rather than the content, but I have to say that I wouldn't buy a module based on the sample given. It seems like nothing more than a quick foray against Goblins, which is frankly something I can whip up for myself in no time flat. Of course, you might have many pages of uber-coolness later on.

 

[AnthonyRoberson]

I agree - the writing seems fine, but it's hard to get a real feel from such a small sample.

I know you said you were more interested in comments on the writing style rather than the content, but I have to say that I wouldn't buy a module based on the sample given. It seems like nothing more than a quick foray against Goblins, which is frankly something I can whip up for myself in no time flat. Of course, you might have many pages of uber-coolness later on.

Critiques noted and appreciated! I will put up a more extensive sample tomorrow and post another link!

 

[Mycanid]

I agree - the writing seems fine, but it's hard to get a real feel from such a small sample.

I know you said you were more interested in comments on the writing style rather than the content, but I have to say that I wouldn't buy a module based on the sample given. It seems like nothing more than a quick foray against Goblins, which is frankly something I can whip up for myself in no time flat. Of course, you might have many pages of uber-coolness later on.

Ah HA! I have just noticed my good sir that you are from my absolute favorite country in the world (at least beauty wise). Nice to see a fella from Scotland in here! I visited there in 1999 for two weeks and have been in love with the country ever since.

Anyhoo - sorry for the OT wandering. But Anthony I will look forward to some longer post/links.

 

[diaglo]

the style is very much on key with the mid to late 80's version of adventures.

only thing i think it could use more of in the beginning is background.

why would adventurers be interested? you need to add some more hooks in the intro besides just stopping a band of goblins.

is this information common knowledge to the PCs? the fact the ranger tracked them and found their lair. did the ranger come back? why not send a large force to just eradicate the whole warren instead of a small band of adventurers?

what's the reward? what do the PCs get to keep? where will this lead them? are there more bands of hobgoblins or goblins? or are they minions of even more powerful monsters like bugbears or ogres?

 

[delericho]

I have just noticed my good sir that you are from my absolute favorite country in the world (at least beauty wise). Nice to see a fella from Scotland in here! I visited there in 1999 for two weeks and have been in love with the country ever since.

Indeed. There are many fine countries in this world, and I have been priviledged to visit several. However, Scotland is... home.

 

[airwalkrr]

This looks like good, solid writing. It lacks flair, but that comes and goes as the muse wills. An adventure about goblins just isn't as exciting as it used to be, but that is only because it is trite in this day and age. A gimmick of some kind (say one of the goblins is unusual, an albino or blessed with divine powrs) would go a long way towards spicing it up. In all, a worthy effort I say.