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Critique my new character: El Matador Magnifico
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<blockquote data-quote="Cruller_rodman" data-source="post: 6993896" data-attributes="member: 6822770"><p>Hi guys I'm not the best writer in the world so I was looking for some feedback on my character any critism, tips or ideas you have please let me know.</p><p></p><p>“My name is Juan Stavo or you may know me better by my ring name El Matador Magnifico, The Immortal Bullfighter! I was born and raised in the Lucha Libre Monks Guild and I come from a long line of professional wrestlers, we only believed in two things, put on a good show and never lose your mask!</p><p></p><p>We travel the lands showing off impossible feats of athleticism and wowing our audiences with death defying stunts! Queens, Kings, Nobles and Peasants all gathered in town squares to watch us perform, our matches were broadcast on every Scribe Orb in every household, we were a house hold name and I was biggest the star of them all, that is until that fated day.</p><p></p><p>I was rehearsing my next match in the training barracks unbeknownst to us a small boy had found his way in to meet his heroes, the barracks were strictly off limits to the public so he was promptly ejected but the damage had been done. It was time, all the Bards started playing my music as I walk out towards the ring however I am not met with the usual cheers and excited smiles but boo's and hisses “must be Minotaurus fans” I thought to myself, the music changed to dramatic drum beats “this always gets them!” I said to myself. Stepping out from the back a towering 8 foot Minotaur, he does his signature roar which usually gets the crowd to their feet but alas he was met with the same reception as me, he makes his way into the ring and stares at me bewildered and that's when it began at first it was just one but then it was many “fake!” “Lies” “boo” soon the entire audience erupted, bottles, food and waste rained down on us, we had to get out of there quick for our own safety.</p><p></p><p>Over the next few months the reception was the same where ever we went soon towns didn't want to book us, our guild became poor, many of the members discarded their masks and left us, even my friend Minotaurus had left. That's when I decided if the people didn't believe I was a hero I will make them believe and I set out to make a name for myself and remind the people that this Bullfighter never dies!”</p><p></p><p>I've gone for a wood elf monk as opposed to a muscular grappler I wanted to make a more fast high flying character that's a bit different from the usual my family is dead and I killed them story. He will start at level 1 seeing as he's never actually had a real life fight before so I think that fits the character quite well.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for reading and what do you think, what would you change to make it better?</p><p></p><p>Also sorry if this is the wrong place for this</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cruller_rodman, post: 6993896, member: 6822770"] Hi guys I'm not the best writer in the world so I was looking for some feedback on my character any critism, tips or ideas you have please let me know. “My name is Juan Stavo or you may know me better by my ring name El Matador Magnifico, The Immortal Bullfighter! I was born and raised in the Lucha Libre Monks Guild and I come from a long line of professional wrestlers, we only believed in two things, put on a good show and never lose your mask! We travel the lands showing off impossible feats of athleticism and wowing our audiences with death defying stunts! Queens, Kings, Nobles and Peasants all gathered in town squares to watch us perform, our matches were broadcast on every Scribe Orb in every household, we were a house hold name and I was biggest the star of them all, that is until that fated day. I was rehearsing my next match in the training barracks unbeknownst to us a small boy had found his way in to meet his heroes, the barracks were strictly off limits to the public so he was promptly ejected but the damage had been done. It was time, all the Bards started playing my music as I walk out towards the ring however I am not met with the usual cheers and excited smiles but boo's and hisses “must be Minotaurus fans” I thought to myself, the music changed to dramatic drum beats “this always gets them!” I said to myself. Stepping out from the back a towering 8 foot Minotaur, he does his signature roar which usually gets the crowd to their feet but alas he was met with the same reception as me, he makes his way into the ring and stares at me bewildered and that's when it began at first it was just one but then it was many “fake!” “Lies” “boo” soon the entire audience erupted, bottles, food and waste rained down on us, we had to get out of there quick for our own safety. Over the next few months the reception was the same where ever we went soon towns didn't want to book us, our guild became poor, many of the members discarded their masks and left us, even my friend Minotaurus had left. That's when I decided if the people didn't believe I was a hero I will make them believe and I set out to make a name for myself and remind the people that this Bullfighter never dies!” I've gone for a wood elf monk as opposed to a muscular grappler I wanted to make a more fast high flying character that's a bit different from the usual my family is dead and I killed them story. He will start at level 1 seeing as he's never actually had a real life fight before so I think that fits the character quite well. Thank you for reading and what do you think, what would you change to make it better? Also sorry if this is the wrong place for this [/QUOTE]
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