Critique My Writing (I think it's horrible)

[Sargon the Kassadian]

Thank you all very much for helping me see what went wrong and what went right in the stories. I look forward to hearing more.

 

[mythusmage]

It might be a good idea to remember that Sargon learned to read and wrlte as a young child by copying Sumerian texts. And up until his establishment of the Akkadian Empire in the 24 century BC, he had to deal with bureaucratic paperwork in his job as administrator of the city of Akkad. Which means that even after 4300 years he still has some bad habits to overcome.

 

[Berandor]

It might be a good idea to remember that Sargon learned to read and wrlte as a young child by copying Sumerian texts. And up until his establishment of the Akkadian Empire in the 24 century BC, he had to deal with bureaucratic paperwork in his job as administrator of the city of Akkad. Which means that even after 4300 years he still has some bad habits to overcome.

Damn, you're right. Sorry, Sargon. I forgot.

 

[Sargon the Kassadian]

It might be a good idea to remember that Sargon learned to read and wrlte as a young child by copying Sumerian texts. And up until his establishment of the Akkadian Empire in the 24 century BC, he had to deal with bureaucratic paperwork in his job as administrator of the city of Akkad. Which means that even after 4300 years he still has some bad habits to overcome.

I like the historical tie-in. Thanks for the informationses!

 

[LostSoul]

It's vivid.

Which verb describes the moment of impact? I ask this because being hit in the face with a crowbar is grisly and violent, and a great choice of image for such an angry character. The verb is the most important way to describe the action and the tone. If there is a strong action, it should dominate the sentence it is presented in, and shouldn't be hidden in a subordinate clause unless you're deliberately downplaying it. In general, don't count on future sentences to make past actions clear.

You know, I liked the style that was written in. The first paragraph is normal and nothing is too out of place, and then he describes the guy getting hit with the crowbar the same way. It sounds like a newspaper report, except for the one paragraph that goes in-depth about the action.

Dunno, I think it's a neat contrast. It made me sit up and take notice while I was reading it. One of those moments where you say, "Cool!" in your head.

edit: hmm, there's also "The Elements of Style" somewhere online. I found it helped to read that, even if I break the rules now and then.

 

[berdoingg]

Critiquing the critique

Cliché is a noun. 'Every cloud has a silver lining' is a cliché. Trite phrases like 'Every cloud has a silver lining' are clichéd.

Sorry to pick, but it's a bit of a personal bugbear of mine.

Ooh heck, a bugbear. *runs off*

 

[Berandor]

Cliché is a noun. 'Every cloud has a silver lining' is a cliché. Trite phrases like 'Every cloud has a silver lining' are clichéd.

Sorry to pick, but it's a bit of a personal bugbear of mine.

Ooh heck, a bugbear. *runs off*

io no comprende

 

[berdoingg]

ok, remedial grammar lesson

Cliché is a noun. A being word like dog or apple.

Clichéd is a pronoun. It describes a noun.

You wouldn't say that colours are very fade. You would say that they are faded. Likewise you would say that a tired old phrase is clichéd.

Thus endeth the lesson. Next time we will discuss the usage of the word kudos.*

*I know, I'm an arse, but I can't help it. Please forgive me.

 

[tarchon]

Cliché is a noun. A being word like dog or apple.

Clichéd is a pronoun. It describes a noun.

You wouldn't say that colours are very fade. You would say that they are faded. Likewise you would say that a tired old phrase is clichéd.

Thus endeth the lesson. Next time we will discuss the usage of the word kudos.*

*I know, I'm an arse, but I can't help it. Please forgive me.

Don't take this personally, because it's directed more at the world at large because this happens all the time, but would it not make sense for people to check things like this in a reference before they post to "correct" people on usages that aren't wrong? You're just totally off base with this "lesson."

First of all "clichéd" is not in any way a pronoun. It's a participle. Examples of pronouns are I,you, and this. Pronouns "stand for" nouns, hence the name. Second, "cliché" without the back-formed participial inflection 'd', is very much an adjective. It comes from the French verb clicher and is in fact the masculine form of the perfect participle, which is to say an adjective in form and function. Not only is it used thus in French, but it is accepted as an adjective in English as well, particularly by those of us who have some acquaintance with the origin of the word. Falling back on an authority:

www.m-w.com
Main Entry: cli·ché
Variant(s): also cli·che /klE-'shA, 'klE-", kli-'/
Function: noun
Etymology: French, literally, printer's stereotype, from past participle of clicher to stereotype, of imitative origin
1 : a trite phrase or expression; also : the idea expressed by it
2 : a hackneyed theme, characterization, or situation
3 : something (as a menu item) that has become overly familiar or commonplace
- cliché adjective

It's nice, I suppose, that people are public-spirited enough to (constantly) post these kinds of attempted grammar corrections for the benefit of the world, but, really a "correction" that isn't correct isn't doing anybody much good, is it?

 

[berdoingg]

Sorry

I meant adjective. Otherwise I stick by my original post. And I admitted that I was being an arse.