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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 1733994" data-attributes="member: 225">Always start speech in a new line. Once you do, figure out the situations you don't have to do that <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Try to avoid colorful verbs like "spluttered". As has been said before, highlight the crowbar swing instead of hiding it.Try to liven up your sentences somehow, especially your final sentences."His wallet..." Whose wallet? It's not really clear for the first moment."As the crowbar..., Messier flew..." The use of "as" suggests "at the same moment when". But I'd rather say the crowbar comes out of his head, then he is jettisoned over the barkeep.I also agree that halving the eyeball with a crowbar is a neat feat. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Question: Why not shoot rockets into the house from the beginning? The soldiers don't want to salvage anything, nor are they looking for hostages et al."Anti-personnel mines blasted concrete and bodies into the air and mortar fire rained down on those fortunate enough to have escaped the mines" needs to be at least"Anti-personnel mines blasted concrete and bodies into the air, and mortar fire rained down on those fortunate enough to have escaped the mines"but I'd like it better in short sentences like"Anti-personnel mines blasted concrete and bodies into the air. Mortar fire rained down on those fortunate enough to have escaped the mines."O.K., aside from the beginning <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Don't hold yourself back. If you get the idea of using flashes between images, go all out."flash Gritted teeth in a bloody face flashcloven shields in lifeless grasps flash crippled mounts whinnowing for death to come flash gore-soaked mail weighing its wearer down."O.K., when all is said, you're using strong imagery. The texts you've provided are fairly genre-typical, if not cliché. You need to think of something unusual happening in your tales, something unique. Or, failing that, try to find a new way of telling us about it. Plus, I repeat that you mustn't be afraid of really going all out on your story. Let us feel either the punk's hate or the victim's pain. Show us the  Private Kirkpatrick's stress. Huldar's bloodlust.You've got talent. Cultivate it.</blockquote>

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