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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Clay_More" data-source="post: 634628" data-attributes="member: 9813">On todays Jerry Springer: "You Might Pillage Me, But That Don't Mean You Can Allow Yourself Anything"Jerry: "Hey, on todays Jerry Springer, we are talking about the subject of pillaging and about what you really can allow yourself when youre looting a tomb. After all, even though some of might be evil necromancers with hideous schemes of conquering the world, that doesn't mean you have the right to hurt other peoples feelings. My first guest is Arakham, the evil Lich of Caryp Mountain. Tell us your story Arakham"Arakham: "Well, its actually very simple. I was merely hanging around in my mountain lair, dissecting some still-breathing villagers. Suddenly, a group of vile adventurers break in and begin beating my zombies left and right. I, as the villain that I am, start hurling them good ol' fireballs left and right, but the darn adventurers still make it through. So, as the evil villain that I am, I flee, we always flee. Off course, I expected the adventurers to loot my tomb, its happened a couple of times before anyways. I always leave a few magic items around for those occasions. But, when I come back, not only have they taken the magic items and freed my prisoners, they also forgot to close the door to the refrigirator. I mean, off course they are supposed to pillage and loot, but by god (some evil death god), why cant they remember to shut the friggin door. My nutella was rotten, my butter was stale and my aspargus was looking like something from the Night of the Living Dead. Aren't there any limits to what you can do when you pillage?"Black Woman From Crowd: "You should stop skulking around in that lair of your, mhmmmm, and find yourself a man the TRULY loves you"Arakham: "Erm, I dont need a man, im undead"Geeky White Guy From Crowd: "Perhaps if you tried to sit down and talk with the pillagers instead, you know, communication and stuff"Arakham: "I dont need to, im undead"Black Woman From Crowd: "Hey, and get yourselves some new clothes, you look like white trash from some suburbian hell. Perhaps then you wouldn't have all those personal problems"Arakham: "Im really comfortable in my old cloak"Jerry Springer: "Well, we might need to get on with the program. I have talked to some people and they are willing to do a COMPLETE MAKEOVER of our dear Arakham. How about that!"Arakham: "Well, im not really interes...."Jerry Springer: "Okay, take him away boys"Big, bouncers come in and take the lich away from the sceneJerry Springer: "A study made by the Cormyrian office of statistics prove that most adventurers dislike liches because of their clothing. Well, not anymore. After we have finished our work on this bad guy, he's gonna he the most snazzy looking villain in all of faerun"The Lich comes back, all dressed up. Jerry Springer: "Look at that bad boy. I mean, he looks like something right out of Sears catalogue"Arakham: "Im not really that much into silk, I merely wanted to come here to....."Black Woman From Crowd: "You look good baby, now you can go find yourself a man that wont hurt you, youre too good for anything else"Arakham: "Im not looking for a....."Geeky White Guy From Crowd: "But remember, clothes dont make people. What matters is whats inside"Arakham: "Im not the one that chose these clothe....."Italian Stud From Crowd: "Hey, man, u shud juz show som more of da chest haers, da chiks luv it"Arakham: "I dont have chest hairs, im unde.."Jerry Springer: "And that will be all for today. What have we learnt? No matter how big and bad a villain you think you are, there's always going to be adventurers out there just waiting to loot your den. And when they loot your den, you become even more intent on destroying the world. So whats the answer? Well, we didn't find one today, but we sure made that lich look good. Bye for now Folks"*Steps away*Next Theme: Rambo</blockquote>

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