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Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up
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<blockquote data-quote="pming" data-source="post: 6639165" data-attributes="member: 45197"><p>Hiya!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> Honestly? If you want to play with them (any of them?), you need to pull some reverse-gamer-psychology. Next time you see him, <em>outside of the game</em>, but still with others around, tell him something like... :</p><p></p><p><em>"You know, I was thinking about that last game at the LGS. I see your point. I should have given more chance to your plan. It was a bit odd and off the wall and I guess I kinda fumbled in handling it. You and your GF were right...I was being an a** that night. I'm sorry. Bad burrito or something. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> Anyway, if you want to give me another shot I'd love to have you and you GF play in the next home game. If you think I'm not considering something fully, give me your side. I'll let you know of any outside-influences your characters might not know, just so you know where I'm coming from. But on the flip side, please try not to yell. It makes everyone kinda uncomfortable. Deal?"</em></p><p></p><p> Basically, *you* play the bad guy. I've seen this personality type before. Basically, it's a matter of trust. I have no idea what happened to him in his childhood/teenage years, but something definitely gave him some kind of distrust towards authority figures (of which you are, the DM). It's most likely this fact that has him questioning your decisions that go against him; you are "out to screw him over", from his perspective...no matter the situation. By "admitting your failings" you are giving yourself the "high-road" if/when(?) this happens again. Maybe it will never happen...but if it does, at least you can fall back to <em>"Dude, we talked about this after the last big yell-and-walk-out incident. You agreed to no yell and to talk, and I agreed to give you info if you really wanted it. Just because you don't like the info is no excuse. There's the door, use it".</em> (roughly speaking). If other "friends" of his start to take his side, you can always fall back on this. Most reasonable people would see you 'backing down', then acquiescing to his "...I want to know why?!?...", and then to the agreed terms by both you and him...well, they'd see you as likely being the "reasonable and right" one on this little conflict. In other words, they are more likely to stick with you and just shrug their shoulders and say "Yeah, he's a bit hot-headed. Nice guy...but you two just don't get along in RPG outlook. Anyhoo....lets play! <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> ".</p><p></p><p>Short version: Suck it up, take the high-ground, hope for the best....and let everyone else know about it. If you are REALLY lucky, he'll develop trust in you and these incidents will dwindle down to virtually nil. If you aren't lucky...well, not much more than you can do. *shrug*</p><p></p><p>^_^</p><p></p><p>Paul L. Ming</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pming, post: 6639165, member: 45197"] Hiya! Honestly? If you want to play with them (any of them?), you need to pull some reverse-gamer-psychology. Next time you see him, [I]outside of the game[/I], but still with others around, tell him something like... : [I]"You know, I was thinking about that last game at the LGS. I see your point. I should have given more chance to your plan. It was a bit odd and off the wall and I guess I kinda fumbled in handling it. You and your GF were right...I was being an a** that night. I'm sorry. Bad burrito or something. :) Anyway, if you want to give me another shot I'd love to have you and you GF play in the next home game. If you think I'm not considering something fully, give me your side. I'll let you know of any outside-influences your characters might not know, just so you know where I'm coming from. But on the flip side, please try not to yell. It makes everyone kinda uncomfortable. Deal?"[/I] Basically, *you* play the bad guy. I've seen this personality type before. Basically, it's a matter of trust. I have no idea what happened to him in his childhood/teenage years, but something definitely gave him some kind of distrust towards authority figures (of which you are, the DM). It's most likely this fact that has him questioning your decisions that go against him; you are "out to screw him over", from his perspective...no matter the situation. By "admitting your failings" you are giving yourself the "high-road" if/when(?) this happens again. Maybe it will never happen...but if it does, at least you can fall back to [I]"Dude, we talked about this after the last big yell-and-walk-out incident. You agreed to no yell and to talk, and I agreed to give you info if you really wanted it. Just because you don't like the info is no excuse. There's the door, use it".[/I] (roughly speaking). If other "friends" of his start to take his side, you can always fall back on this. Most reasonable people would see you 'backing down', then acquiescing to his "...I want to know why?!?...", and then to the agreed terms by both you and him...well, they'd see you as likely being the "reasonable and right" one on this little conflict. In other words, they are more likely to stick with you and just shrug their shoulders and say "Yeah, he's a bit hot-headed. Nice guy...but you two just don't get along in RPG outlook. Anyhoo....lets play! :) ". Short version: Suck it up, take the high-ground, hope for the best....and let everyone else know about it. If you are REALLY lucky, he'll develop trust in you and these incidents will dwindle down to virtually nil. If you aren't lucky...well, not much more than you can do. *shrug* ^_^ Paul L. Ming [/QUOTE]
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