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Dealing with depression, anxiety, and ennui
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<blockquote data-quote="RJR-23" data-source="post: 1941080" data-attributes="member: 27418"><p>As a long-time sufferer from depression and long-time lurker on enworld, I thought the time was right to bring the two together.</p><p></p><p>As I enter the new year, I find myself struck with a case of the blahs. Not full-blown depression, by any means, but more like a kind of ennui, a feeling of aimlessness, tinged with anxiety about the future.</p><p></p><p>I love a wonderful wife and daughter, good parents, stable job, religious faith, etc. Life is good...objectively, I see that.</p><p></p><p>But I feel as if something's missing. Right now, the problem (I think, at least) has to do witih artistic aspirations. I'm a writer. Not an author, mind you. Just a writer. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" /> I'm currently working on a writing project, a "young adult" novel, yet find it hard to make time to write, and find it equally hard to maintain the passion for the project.</p><p></p><p>Part of me wants to write a horror novel, a novel about depression itself, couched in a Silent-Hill type story. I'm planning to run a D20 Modern/Dark*Matter game along these lines, and RPGs have often fed my writing in the past.</p><p></p><p>I know I'm rambling a bit, for which I apologize. I guess I'm just unsatisfied with my current career (I'm a high school English teacher) and wanting to either be satisfied or get published and find satisfaction there.</p><p></p><p>I feel lonely, yet don't want friends. I think of the words of a song I've been hearing on the radio: "I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me." I feel that no one wants to get to know me. My wife tells me that I need to reach out to others first...but I don't want to.</p><p></p><p>I don't know *what* I want sometimes. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, sorry for all the babbling. But I've been lurking in this forum for eight months now, and it seemed safe. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p></p><p>RJR-23</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RJR-23, post: 1941080, member: 27418"] As a long-time sufferer from depression and long-time lurker on enworld, I thought the time was right to bring the two together. As I enter the new year, I find myself struck with a case of the blahs. Not full-blown depression, by any means, but more like a kind of ennui, a feeling of aimlessness, tinged with anxiety about the future. I love a wonderful wife and daughter, good parents, stable job, religious faith, etc. Life is good...objectively, I see that. But I feel as if something's missing. Right now, the problem (I think, at least) has to do witih artistic aspirations. I'm a writer. Not an author, mind you. Just a writer. ;) I'm currently working on a writing project, a "young adult" novel, yet find it hard to make time to write, and find it equally hard to maintain the passion for the project. Part of me wants to write a horror novel, a novel about depression itself, couched in a Silent-Hill type story. I'm planning to run a D20 Modern/Dark*Matter game along these lines, and RPGs have often fed my writing in the past. I know I'm rambling a bit, for which I apologize. I guess I'm just unsatisfied with my current career (I'm a high school English teacher) and wanting to either be satisfied or get published and find satisfaction there. I feel lonely, yet don't want friends. I think of the words of a song I've been hearing on the radio: "I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me." I feel that no one wants to get to know me. My wife tells me that I need to reach out to others first...but I don't want to. I don't know *what* I want sometimes. Anyway, sorry for all the babbling. But I've been lurking in this forum for eight months now, and it seemed safe. :) RJR-23 [/QUOTE]
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