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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Emirikol" data-source="post: 1453937" data-attributes="member: 10638">Every single one of those descriptions could be a whole lot better if they were described in 3rd person terms.  By including the word, "YOU" in the description implies that you are dictating what the PC's are doing.Your goal is to "paint a background that the players can interact with." You can see the _industry standard_ in DUNGEON magazine, where the worlds best examples can be found of GOOD read aloud text and as a DM, YOU should try to speak that way until a player tells you what they did <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> You'll also see this noted in the Living Greyhawk Writer's Guidebook and theDUNGEON submission guidelines.I'll give you two examples to help illustrate my point:Example 1 (good/industry standard): The room is lit by a single torchon the far wall. A door stands ajar to the right of the door and afaint whispering sound emerges from beyond. A red tapestry of someancient design is hanging on the wall left of the door. A book liesopen on a table in the middle of the room.Example 2 (not desirable) : As you enter the room, you see a torchon the far wall. You pick up and read a book on the table and seethat there's some writing about Zagyg. You note that Zagyg was a madarchmage and then you think to yourself, "Why would a mad archmagewrite a book". Then you examine a red tapestry on the wall. Youthink it's suloise writing about the rain of colorless fire, which youremember is the catestrophy that occurred to create the sea of dust.You then think to yourself how scared you are because of all thiswierd stuff. Next, listening beyond the door, you hear a whispering.You surmise it's probably elvish.The term "YOU" is acceptable if you are fading to black or simplytrying to move the scenario along. Example: "The lights go out andthe room darkens after the lever has been lifted. The door isobliterated by a rapidly closing stone barrier. The gas is fillingthe room quickly. You eventually pass out. ...Later you awaken inthe house of Elrond.Anyway, it's tempting to use the word "YOU" in your writing, but goback and rewrite one of your read-aloud text paragraphs without it andYOU'll see how much more 'interactive' your encounters will look.I looked through a couple hundred encounters over the past couple months in DUNGEON and also in the worlds longest dungeon-crawl, "Return to TOEE." Even through all those, I only found "YOU" in only about 1/50th of the read aloud text boxes. It was effectively used when you must lead the PC's by the nose or when a voice speaks to the whole group (or an item affects the whole group). For example, I saw it used to get PC's TO the first encounter. I also saw it as "if the PC's approach the statue the DM's should read this: The voice speaks to you in a loud booming voice, 'you shall be killed for your insolence."Otherwise, it's better to paint a picture to interact with.Simply using "you" and "appears" all the time railroads the PCs atevery turn and makes them think that everything is an illusion."Appears" is the same thing as saying, "You see" in an encounter orplayers at your table say the words, "I disbelieve" you'd better bethinking of ME <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />I'm not advocating a blanket banning of "YOU [act]," just it's properuse in only paragraphs where it's necessary to lead PC's by the noseor where the entire party is being addressed by something or someone.I'm just as guilty in my old scenarios as everyone else, but haveSEEN THE LIGHT! AMEN!My last example is the problem with saying "As you enter the room, inevitably, somebodysays "I NEVER SAID I ENTERED THE ROOM." You see a book is not thatbad, but isn't there a better way to paint the picture of the booklaying on the table <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" />The worst case I ever saw was in an LC scenario (it sticks in my mindto this day): "As you enter the room, the gargoyle from behind thedoor jumps out and attacks you with surprise." Ick.OK, my long rant on the subject is over <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />jh</blockquote>

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