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Design & Development: Halflings [merged]
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<blockquote data-quote="I'm A Banana" data-source="post: 4046003" data-attributes="member: 2067"><p>This little stunt might have been what got them in the core!</p><p></p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: All right, Halfling? Gnome? We called you here because we're doing a 4e, and we're going to need to nix one of you from the PH in order to make room for some of our new stuff. Now, I know each of you have been having some issues with niche protection...</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Damn halfling stealing my schtick!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: You ain't the president of it!</p><p><strong>WotC</strong> Guys, please! Now, Halfling, you've been with us since the beginning, and we've seen you come a long way. You've shed your baby fat and you've improved your diet and now you're stealing from dragons like a proper burglar.</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Thief!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Schnozilla!</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Foot-barber!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Badger-lover!</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: PLEASE! You two....*sigh*. And Gnome, you've been giving PC's a faerie race of trickster-illusionists from an early time.</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Tinkle Gnomes!</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: You come over here and say that!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Tinkle tinkle little gnome! What is that smell coming from your home? Your feet? Your body? No, it's not. You peed on the carpet, instead of a pot!</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Oh, go have a tender man-love with your gardener!</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: HEY! You BOTH have places where you need work. Halfling, we can't have you being gypsies anymore, we've got our wandering race, you need to tie yourself down somewhere and be productive.</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: What, you want me to farm gems and sequins like Princess Sparkles over here?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: No, you have to find something new! We also are going to need you to grow bigger. Certain suits have had enough naughty thoughts about Lidda that we need to at least make you guys waist-high</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Hey, look who is this edition's "Hennet!" Bring on the leather and the bondage gear, the Halflings have gone wild!</p><p><strong>Hennet</strong>: (walking by the room, looking despondant, with a pink slip in his hand, he peeks in at the mention of halflings gone wild)</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: LATER, BUCKLES! NOT NOW!</p><p><strong>Hennet</strong>: (leaves, dragging some belts on the floor as he goes)</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: Gnome, don't be so smug. Your little steampunk fetish has GOT to go. We're getting enough accusations of being WoW, we're going to need you to do something more traditional.</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: What, you guys afraid of a little change! </p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: This is a new edition, you nimrod, it's nothing BUT change! We're also a little concerned about your badgers.</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: *snicker*</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: What?! Are you kidding me?! Snuggles is like family to me!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: (leans down the corridor) Hey Hennet, I think we've found a friend for that hamster you lost!</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: DON'T YOU DARE! You twisted individual!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Hey, WotC, did you hear the one about the badger, the mushroom, and the snake?</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Oh, cripes, what's this, you're trying to steal my jokes, too? Are we going to be re-naming Halflings "Carlos Mencia-lings"?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: REGARDLESS of which one of you we choose, the other one will get to be in the Monster Manual. Gnome, to be honest, we think you might do well there. You could be a fey, and keep your badgers as minions. But it could go to the halfling, too.</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: Badgers? For me?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: No, we were thinking you guys would be in the sewers, with rats.</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You guys would be C.H.U.D.'s! Hahahahahaha!</p><p><strong>Halfling[</strong>: WHAT?! What happened to our riding dogs?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: Pointless symmetry, we got rid of 'em.</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Like they got rid of Ol' Yeller, right?</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: NO! Not Fido!</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: The descision has been made!</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: I can't be a monster with rats! I just can't be! Do you know what would happen to my street cred? Living in the sewers? </p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: The word "Poopling" comes to mind, hehehe...</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: Halfling, it'll be fine. You'll have the stealth, you'll have the 'secret cabal' going on...</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: No. No, no, no, no, that's insane! I'm not a Juiblex kind of race, here! What happened to pipeweed and hairy feet and all that?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: We're sacrificing a few sacred cows</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: No...that's...that's insane, I can't....you're going to make me taller...I'm a HALFLING, and I'll no longer be HALF as tall?! I'm going to be taller, and you're going to throw me in the sewers with the rats and....and...that's..."Poopling?!" SERIOUSLY?</p><p><strong>WotC</strong>: Calm down, Halfling...</p><p><strong>Gnome</strong>: Heh, it's funny when shorty gets all riled up like this...</p><p><strong>Halfling</strong>: No, this is madness! That's it, that's.....ARGH! I dare you, <em>dare you!</em> to try and put me in the MM! With freakin' rats! I tripple dog-dare you! You do it, and I swear to whatever crappy sword-god you guys are putting into the PH that I will....will....I'll....I'LL BITE YOUR BUTT!</p><p><strong>A moment of stunned silence</strong></p><p><strong>Hennet</strong>: (offstage) Wooo!</p><p></p><p>*scene*</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="I'm A Banana, post: 4046003, member: 2067"] This little stunt might have been what got them in the core! [B]WotC[/B]: All right, Halfling? Gnome? We called you here because we're doing a 4e, and we're going to need to nix one of you from the PH in order to make room for some of our new stuff. Now, I know each of you have been having some issues with niche protection... [B]Gnome[/B]: Damn halfling stealing my schtick! [B]Halfling[/B]: You ain't the president of it! [B]WotC[/B] Guys, please! Now, Halfling, you've been with us since the beginning, and we've seen you come a long way. You've shed your baby fat and you've improved your diet and now you're stealing from dragons like a proper burglar. [B]Gnome[/B]: Thief! [B]Halfling[/B]: Schnozilla! [B]Gnome[/B]: Foot-barber! [B]Halfling[/B]: Badger-lover! [B]WotC[/B]: PLEASE! You two....*sigh*. And Gnome, you've been giving PC's a faerie race of trickster-illusionists from an early time. [B]Halfling[/B]: Tinkle Gnomes! [B]Gnome[/B]: You come over here and say that! [B]Halfling[/B]: Tinkle tinkle little gnome! What is that smell coming from your home? Your feet? Your body? No, it's not. You peed on the carpet, instead of a pot! [B]Gnome[/B]: Oh, go have a tender man-love with your gardener! [B]WotC[/B]: HEY! You BOTH have places where you need work. Halfling, we can't have you being gypsies anymore, we've got our wandering race, you need to tie yourself down somewhere and be productive. [B]Halfling[/B]: What, you want me to farm gems and sequins like Princess Sparkles over here? [B]WotC[/B]: No, you have to find something new! We also are going to need you to grow bigger. Certain suits have had enough naughty thoughts about Lidda that we need to at least make you guys waist-high [B]Gnome[/B]: Hey, look who is this edition's "Hennet!" Bring on the leather and the bondage gear, the Halflings have gone wild! [B]Hennet[/B]: (walking by the room, looking despondant, with a pink slip in his hand, he peeks in at the mention of halflings gone wild) [B]Halfling[/B]: LATER, BUCKLES! NOT NOW! [B]Hennet[/B]: (leaves, dragging some belts on the floor as he goes) [B]WotC[/B]: Gnome, don't be so smug. Your little steampunk fetish has GOT to go. We're getting enough accusations of being WoW, we're going to need you to do something more traditional. [B]Gnome[/B]: What, you guys afraid of a little change! [B]WotC[/B]: This is a new edition, you nimrod, it's nothing BUT change! We're also a little concerned about your badgers. [B]Halfling[/B]: *snicker* [B]Gnome[/B]: What?! Are you kidding me?! Snuggles is like family to me! [B]Halfling[/B]: (leans down the corridor) Hey Hennet, I think we've found a friend for that hamster you lost! [B]Gnome[/B]: DON'T YOU DARE! You twisted individual! [B]Halfling[/B]: Hey, WotC, did you hear the one about the badger, the mushroom, and the snake? [B]Gnome[/B]: Oh, cripes, what's this, you're trying to steal my jokes, too? Are we going to be re-naming Halflings "Carlos Mencia-lings"? [B]WotC[/B]: REGARDLESS of which one of you we choose, the other one will get to be in the Monster Manual. Gnome, to be honest, we think you might do well there. You could be a fey, and keep your badgers as minions. But it could go to the halfling, too. [B]Halfling[/B]: Badgers? For me? [B]WotC[/B]: No, we were thinking you guys would be in the sewers, with rats. [B]Gnome[/B]: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You guys would be C.H.U.D.'s! Hahahahahaha! [B]Halfling[[/B]: WHAT?! What happened to our riding dogs? [B]WotC[/B]: Pointless symmetry, we got rid of 'em. [B]Gnome[/B]: Like they got rid of Ol' Yeller, right? [B]Halfling[/B]: NO! Not Fido! [B]WotC[/B]: The descision has been made! [B]Halfling[/B]: I can't be a monster with rats! I just can't be! Do you know what would happen to my street cred? Living in the sewers? [B]Gnome[/B]: The word "Poopling" comes to mind, hehehe... [B]WotC[/B]: Halfling, it'll be fine. You'll have the stealth, you'll have the 'secret cabal' going on... [B]Halfling[/B]: No. No, no, no, no, that's insane! I'm not a Juiblex kind of race, here! What happened to pipeweed and hairy feet and all that? [B]WotC[/B]: We're sacrificing a few sacred cows [B]Halfling[/B]: No...that's...that's insane, I can't....you're going to make me taller...I'm a HALFLING, and I'll no longer be HALF as tall?! I'm going to be taller, and you're going to throw me in the sewers with the rats and....and...that's..."Poopling?!" SERIOUSLY? [B]WotC[/B]: Calm down, Halfling... [B]Gnome[/B]: Heh, it's funny when shorty gets all riled up like this... [B]Halfling[/B]: No, this is madness! That's it, that's.....ARGH! I dare you, [I]dare you![/I] to try and put me in the MM! With freakin' rats! I tripple dog-dare you! You do it, and I swear to whatever crappy sword-god you guys are putting into the PH that I will....will....I'll....I'LL BITE YOUR BUTT! [B]A moment of stunned silence[/B] [B]Hennet[/B]: (offstage) Wooo! *scene* [/QUOTE]
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