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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Janx" data-source="post: 5087840" data-attributes="member: 8835">Sorry to hear about your loss.My mom died of her second bout of cancer at age 54 in 2000.  She didn't smoke or drink.  She survived breast cancer in 1992.  It came back in her liver and spine.  I live in Texas and she was still in Minnesota.  I got to see her twice before she passed that year, with the last visit being the week before she died.  She was pretty much out of it, on the pain kilers.When I was sitting with her, in hospice, in November in Minnesota, I saw a Monarch butterfly outside the window, against the backdrop of pine trees and snow on the ground.  That's an improbable thing, and I wasn't hallucinating.A few years ago, I commisioned a tattoo done on my arm of Monarch butterfly and a snowflake to commemorate that impossible event.  It took 5 hours, and it hurt.  But it looks good.I can't say where your at.  We all handle this stuff differently.  I stayed with my uncle during that week, and he told me he was amazed at how calmly I took all this, where he was pretty broken up about it all.  All I know is life goes on, and if you're here, your parents succeeded.  Take the time you need and be thankful for the person you knew and how they impacted you.One thing that always struck, me after my mom passed, was when other people had a parent pass, they'd cite some age that I consider old.  I don't say this to be cruel, but realize that your mom lived to SIXTY EIGHT years.  That's a good span, especially for someone at risk of cancer.  It sounds like she accomplished a lot and was a great person.  Celebrate that.  Though her passing is a loss to you, for her, suffering as she probably was, passing was probably a blessing.  That was the message of the butterfly in the snow, was that her spirit was not likely to be in that shell any longer.Selah.</blockquote>

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