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Diary of Teth-Anne
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<blockquote data-quote="Brimshack" data-source="post: 3164218" data-attributes="member: 34694"><p>Walking through the entry into the copse of trees, I could see that there was a great deal more space inside than one would have expected from the outside view. I could also begin to hear things that were happening inside a little better, and I lost track of the voices of the dozen party members still behind me.</p><p></p><p>Most of all, I was curious as to why the cute little elven foresty lady had just spoken a demonic language. And I was furious with Zardwie for stopping me from killing her in the first place. Oh sure, I was the one who agreed to go with her, but I wouldn't even have been talking to the peevish little woman in the first place had he not asked me to be "sensible" about the matter. Well anyway, we talked and she seemed a little suspicious, but she said we could get mandrake root if we went with her, and I just thought, hey, why not?</p><p></p><p>Of course she meant to be lying, but she wasn't. </p><p></p><p>So, as I'm following this woman along, and I'm thinking ...well frankly people, I was just thinking, a dress like that just doesn't belong on someone with fey hips. And with pointy ears, you just GOTTA do something different with your hair. I mean, some people don't like to judge on appearances and everything, but I'm just not that superficial, you know. If the woman is going to broadcast her poor taste for all to see, I for one am not going to pretend I can't see the tacky soul shining through the fashion faux pas. You know what I am talking about. Don't even pretend you don't!</p><p></p><p>So, anyway, I am thinking there has got to be something wrong with this girl and maybe I should just zap her again, but No-o-o-o-o, Zardwie wouldn't approve. Zardwie wants to talk to people; he wants to find out what they want... Zardwie can kiss my happy hollow next time we get in a pinch, ...see if I cure him when little miss ugly boots turns out to be a bad guy.</p><p></p><p>Well anyway, we get in the copse of trees, and sure enough the little muffin turns out to have the voice of a sick dock worker, and she turns around and says;</p><p></p><p>"You're just in time for dinner."</p><p></p><p>Okay, and there was like no mistaking it this time. Her boots DEFINITELY didn't match her dress. Besides, if she's going to do a stand-up routine prior to killing us, then the least she could do is gargle a bit beforehand so we can understand her. That and she could start with someone boring, like the Lizard-man. (He sheds scales ...ick!) But no, it wasn't to be someone else. That woman laid her eyes right on me, and she was not smiling. Like you know, maybe I'd done something to her in a past life or something.</p><p></p><p>...or maybe just about half an hour ago.</p><p></p><p>"Oh did I walk into a trap? I am SO disappointed in you, honey." (That was me. You can tell my banter, because it's actually clever.)</p><p></p><p>She said something else, but honestly who cares. It would just bore you to repeat the words of little miss faerie fey here. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, we started to fight. She tried touching me or something like that, and I knew it was an attack, but I resisted her whatever-kinda-pathetic-attack-thingy. And there was someone in there with me who tried to hit her, and then a whole bunch of flying, screaming, faces with bat wings flew into the copse and started attacking. I backed up and tried a touch attack, you know Ray of Enfeeblement, but I missed.</p><p></p><p>...Okay, I know, you're thinking, why would I try attacking the strength of an obvious spell-caster enemy right? Well it's this thing called "style," honey. Anybody can do that to a Giant or something, but when you make the A-list, you learn a thing or two about combat-chic. See, I figured if I could just knock the little elven-wannabe down to, like NO strength left, then she's gonna have a rough time carrying her own weight around that miserable excuse for a home of hers. (Don't even get me started on the interior decoration - woodland mystique went out years ago, lover.) </p><p></p><p>So, anyway, new problem. Little Miss Rural turns out to have a spell resistance. And I'm not saying, I couldn't beat that resistance; I am definitely NOT saying that. I'm just saying, I thought maybe my efforts would be better spent elsewhere. So, I fireballed the flying face thingies and a whole bunch of them died. Zardwie would probably say that I only killed four of them, but Zardwie and people who listen to Zardwie are what's wrong with the world today. Okay? So, I got a whole lot of them, let's just leave it at that. </p><p></p><p>And then I hear Dead Horse shouting almost like he's a mile away, but he's like RIGHT in the doorway. And he's shouting that we aren't being ambushed or some stupid thing like that. Okay, I might have forgotten for a moment how he talks, but anyway. A Big troll comes out of a corner of the trees and one of our spell casters sends in this demon-pig and it attacks the ugly boot wearing not-really-an-elf lady. </p><p></p><p>And then someone hit her, HARD, and wouldn't you know it, beneath the beautiful elven exterior, the woman was an ugly old hag. I mean, I have NEVER seen skin so bad as hers. She must have been like a worker or something when she was done, because let me tell you women of station do NOT get like that honey. No way, uh-uh! Honestly, I have no idea what she or the other 2 really were (yes there is another one coming up), but in my book, they are just a bunch of old hags. I can't help it if that sounds mean. I didn't ask them to be so ugly, now did I?</p><p></p><p>So, then a big old fog comes up, and then she turns invisible (but I could still see her - because I'm cool, that's why), and I fireballed her and a few more flying faces. Really, I just wanted the wing-faced creeps to shut up - they made such an awful sound. (Flying Face mommies should really raise their kids better, let me tell you.) And here is where I was like so awesome, you know, because even though the old lady was invisible, and even though she had been in the fog, and even though she had a magic resistance, ...I nailed her. And not only did I nail her with the fireball, I outright knocked her out. </p><p></p><p>Am I fabulous or what? </p><p></p><p>Okay, so then there is this invisible troll, and another troll heals her, and by now a bunch of my assistants have filed in and they're all fighting. I was going to coup that Gracie-lady goodnight, right then and there you know, when suddenly there was an invisible wall in the way. I tried to go around, but that didn't work. It was like I had my own holding cell, right there in the middle of the battle, and there wasn't ANYTHING I could do about it. I had to watch while the ugly old hag woke up and started to do stuff again. By now there were 2 trolls and they were fighting a whole bunch of us, and all I could do was point at the invisible lady with the bad fashion sense and try to get people's attention. They actually had to finish the whole battle without me. </p><p></p><p>Heh..., Zardwie? One of those flying face thingies flew by him and he just froze in place. He did nothing after that, just stood there looking stoopid. It was hilarious. I mean, to be completely taken out of the battle like that. What a dunce!</p><p></p><p>Okay, so, I wasn't doing anything at that point, and I know you don't want to hear about what the other idiots were doing, so let's just say we won the battle, okay? All three of the old wrinkle bags got sent to their merry torment, and there I am still stuck in a cage. There really wasn't anything to do except go to sleep. They were all running around this way and that way and I just rolled up my cloak into a pillow and went to sleep. I figured, What-ever!</p><p></p><p>I did deposit something gross on the force wall just in front of Zardwie, because he couldn't look away or close his eyes and I knew he was bored. ...I'm thoughtful like that, you know.</p><p></p><p>Well, I don't know how they did it, but all the other people managed to search the copse without me. They found all the mandrake root a prematurely ageing noble in a swiss cheese castle could possible want, and they even managed to get Zardwie back to normal (for him anyway). We couldn't help the last guy, Rosch, and apparently he was going to die by morning ...which some people find objectionable, you know. So, the Ogre and the Lizardman and the Rogue lady all took off and did this forced march thing back to the lord's castle to get a cure disease. It was like an epic struggle to beat the sunrise, you know, real dramatic and Yawn!) ..okay, so enough about other people. The next morning, the new Wizard pops into my private little cage and pops me back out, just in time too, because I was starting to get real stressed. I excused myself and made off to a corner as quickly as I could. It is NOT easy holding it that long, let me tell you, and I certainly didn't want to stink up my cell.So, I blessed the ground right there in that copse, let me tell you, and I'm thinking it was enough to start a garden. Then I went and found my rations which I made the Barbarian lady carry for me. I told her next time, she should make sure she is put in the cage too, because I do NOT like to go that long without eating. Honestly, some people are so thoughtless.</p><p></p><p>And then, like, we all went back to the castle, where I sat down and jotted this little story out for you my dear little sweethearts. Okay, so, I'm going to bed now. I've been sleeping all day, and that makes me tired.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Brimshack, post: 3164218, member: 34694"] Walking through the entry into the copse of trees, I could see that there was a great deal more space inside than one would have expected from the outside view. I could also begin to hear things that were happening inside a little better, and I lost track of the voices of the dozen party members still behind me. Most of all, I was curious as to why the cute little elven foresty lady had just spoken a demonic language. And I was furious with Zardwie for stopping me from killing her in the first place. Oh sure, I was the one who agreed to go with her, but I wouldn't even have been talking to the peevish little woman in the first place had he not asked me to be "sensible" about the matter. Well anyway, we talked and she seemed a little suspicious, but she said we could get mandrake root if we went with her, and I just thought, hey, why not? Of course she meant to be lying, but she wasn't. So, as I'm following this woman along, and I'm thinking ...well frankly people, I was just thinking, a dress like that just doesn't belong on someone with fey hips. And with pointy ears, you just GOTTA do something different with your hair. I mean, some people don't like to judge on appearances and everything, but I'm just not that superficial, you know. If the woman is going to broadcast her poor taste for all to see, I for one am not going to pretend I can't see the tacky soul shining through the fashion faux pas. You know what I am talking about. Don't even pretend you don't! So, anyway, I am thinking there has got to be something wrong with this girl and maybe I should just zap her again, but No-o-o-o-o, Zardwie wouldn't approve. Zardwie wants to talk to people; he wants to find out what they want... Zardwie can kiss my happy hollow next time we get in a pinch, ...see if I cure him when little miss ugly boots turns out to be a bad guy. Well anyway, we get in the copse of trees, and sure enough the little muffin turns out to have the voice of a sick dock worker, and she turns around and says; "You're just in time for dinner." Okay, and there was like no mistaking it this time. Her boots DEFINITELY didn't match her dress. Besides, if she's going to do a stand-up routine prior to killing us, then the least she could do is gargle a bit beforehand so we can understand her. That and she could start with someone boring, like the Lizard-man. (He sheds scales ...ick!) But no, it wasn't to be someone else. That woman laid her eyes right on me, and she was not smiling. Like you know, maybe I'd done something to her in a past life or something. ...or maybe just about half an hour ago. "Oh did I walk into a trap? I am SO disappointed in you, honey." (That was me. You can tell my banter, because it's actually clever.) She said something else, but honestly who cares. It would just bore you to repeat the words of little miss faerie fey here. Anyway, we started to fight. She tried touching me or something like that, and I knew it was an attack, but I resisted her whatever-kinda-pathetic-attack-thingy. And there was someone in there with me who tried to hit her, and then a whole bunch of flying, screaming, faces with bat wings flew into the copse and started attacking. I backed up and tried a touch attack, you know Ray of Enfeeblement, but I missed. ...Okay, I know, you're thinking, why would I try attacking the strength of an obvious spell-caster enemy right? Well it's this thing called "style," honey. Anybody can do that to a Giant or something, but when you make the A-list, you learn a thing or two about combat-chic. See, I figured if I could just knock the little elven-wannabe down to, like NO strength left, then she's gonna have a rough time carrying her own weight around that miserable excuse for a home of hers. (Don't even get me started on the interior decoration - woodland mystique went out years ago, lover.) So, anyway, new problem. Little Miss Rural turns out to have a spell resistance. And I'm not saying, I couldn't beat that resistance; I am definitely NOT saying that. I'm just saying, I thought maybe my efforts would be better spent elsewhere. So, I fireballed the flying face thingies and a whole bunch of them died. Zardwie would probably say that I only killed four of them, but Zardwie and people who listen to Zardwie are what's wrong with the world today. Okay? So, I got a whole lot of them, let's just leave it at that. And then I hear Dead Horse shouting almost like he's a mile away, but he's like RIGHT in the doorway. And he's shouting that we aren't being ambushed or some stupid thing like that. Okay, I might have forgotten for a moment how he talks, but anyway. A Big troll comes out of a corner of the trees and one of our spell casters sends in this demon-pig and it attacks the ugly boot wearing not-really-an-elf lady. And then someone hit her, HARD, and wouldn't you know it, beneath the beautiful elven exterior, the woman was an ugly old hag. I mean, I have NEVER seen skin so bad as hers. She must have been like a worker or something when she was done, because let me tell you women of station do NOT get like that honey. No way, uh-uh! Honestly, I have no idea what she or the other 2 really were (yes there is another one coming up), but in my book, they are just a bunch of old hags. I can't help it if that sounds mean. I didn't ask them to be so ugly, now did I? So, then a big old fog comes up, and then she turns invisible (but I could still see her - because I'm cool, that's why), and I fireballed her and a few more flying faces. Really, I just wanted the wing-faced creeps to shut up - they made such an awful sound. (Flying Face mommies should really raise their kids better, let me tell you.) And here is where I was like so awesome, you know, because even though the old lady was invisible, and even though she had been in the fog, and even though she had a magic resistance, ...I nailed her. And not only did I nail her with the fireball, I outright knocked her out. Am I fabulous or what? Okay, so then there is this invisible troll, and another troll heals her, and by now a bunch of my assistants have filed in and they're all fighting. I was going to coup that Gracie-lady goodnight, right then and there you know, when suddenly there was an invisible wall in the way. I tried to go around, but that didn't work. It was like I had my own holding cell, right there in the middle of the battle, and there wasn't ANYTHING I could do about it. I had to watch while the ugly old hag woke up and started to do stuff again. By now there were 2 trolls and they were fighting a whole bunch of us, and all I could do was point at the invisible lady with the bad fashion sense and try to get people's attention. They actually had to finish the whole battle without me. Heh..., Zardwie? One of those flying face thingies flew by him and he just froze in place. He did nothing after that, just stood there looking stoopid. It was hilarious. I mean, to be completely taken out of the battle like that. What a dunce! Okay, so, I wasn't doing anything at that point, and I know you don't want to hear about what the other idiots were doing, so let's just say we won the battle, okay? All three of the old wrinkle bags got sent to their merry torment, and there I am still stuck in a cage. There really wasn't anything to do except go to sleep. They were all running around this way and that way and I just rolled up my cloak into a pillow and went to sleep. I figured, What-ever! I did deposit something gross on the force wall just in front of Zardwie, because he couldn't look away or close his eyes and I knew he was bored. ...I'm thoughtful like that, you know. Well, I don't know how they did it, but all the other people managed to search the copse without me. They found all the mandrake root a prematurely ageing noble in a swiss cheese castle could possible want, and they even managed to get Zardwie back to normal (for him anyway). We couldn't help the last guy, Rosch, and apparently he was going to die by morning ...which some people find objectionable, you know. So, the Ogre and the Lizardman and the Rogue lady all took off and did this forced march thing back to the lord's castle to get a cure disease. It was like an epic struggle to beat the sunrise, you know, real dramatic and Yawn!) ..okay, so enough about other people. The next morning, the new Wizard pops into my private little cage and pops me back out, just in time too, because I was starting to get real stressed. I excused myself and made off to a corner as quickly as I could. It is NOT easy holding it that long, let me tell you, and I certainly didn't want to stink up my cell.So, I blessed the ground right there in that copse, let me tell you, and I'm thinking it was enough to start a garden. Then I went and found my rations which I made the Barbarian lady carry for me. I told her next time, she should make sure she is put in the cage too, because I do NOT like to go that long without eating. Honestly, some people are so thoughtless. And then, like, we all went back to the castle, where I sat down and jotted this little story out for you my dear little sweethearts. Okay, so, I'm going to bed now. I've been sleeping all day, and that makes me tired. [/QUOTE]
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