D&D General Disaster Patrons and Their Longsuffering Warlocks

[doctorbadwolf]

Okay, I know some of y’all are all about the ominous, scary, possibly malicious and insidious, Warlock Patrons.

But what if….the Patron is just kinda a disaster?

Like, the warlock is woken in the middle of the night by a cat curling up against them, and sighs. “Aroth Brindisceil Aerendiel, Lord of The Forest of Tears, First Daughter of The Lady of Silent Waters, High Baen Sidhe, Princess of Twilight, please tell me you didn’t get kicked out of the entire Feywild again…”

Imagine the Warlock talking about their patron like you would a dear friend that can’t get their crap together but you love them anyway.

A patron that gets bored and joins the party for a few weeks, only to remember just as you head into the dungeon that she left the fantasy oven on at home and she just disappears.

Am I the only one that wants this?

 

[Scribe]

Okay, I know some of y’all are all about the ominous, scary, possibly malicious and insidious, Warlock Patrons.

But what if….the Patron is just kinda a disaster?

Like, the warlock is woken in the middle of the night by a cat curling up against them, and sighs. “Aroth Brindisceil Aerendiel, Lord of The Forest of Tears, First Daughter of The Lady of Silent Waters, High Baen Sidhe, Princess of Twilight, please tell me you didn’t get kicked out of the entire Feywild again…”

Imagine the Warlock talking about their patron like you would a dear friend that can’t get their crap together but you love them anyway.

A patron that gets bored and joins the party for a few weeks, only to remember just as you head into the dungeon that she left the fantasy oven on at home and she just disappears.

Am I the only one that wants this?

I can see it, a bit of a Constantine vibe. I typically like to think of Patrons as someone who's got their act together and has schemes, and power to throw around, less that unreliable member of the family we put up with for reasons...but sure, why not.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

I can see it, a bit of a Constantine vibe. I typically like to think of Patrons as someone who's got their act together and has schemes, and power to throw around, less that unreliable member of the family we put up with for reasons...but sure, why not.

I mean, considering some of the types of beings we are working with here…lol

Especially considering how disaster coded some of the gods in some D&D settings are, how dysfunctional must the devils and archfey be??

But also imagine a disaster angel. Just like full himbo disaster bisexual archetype. I would die of glee GMing that.

 

[Scribe]

I mean, considering some of the types of beings we are working with here…lol

Especially considering how disaster coded some of the gods in some D&D settings are, how dysfunctional must the devils and archfey be??

But also imagine a disaster angel. Just like full himbo disaster bisexual archetype. I would die of glee GMing that.

That's actually how I feel Wizards should do the God's and Powers. Kind of like in the later Thor movies. Over the top, dysfunctional, petty.

 

[humble minion]

I hate this post, because I finished writing the background of my new warlock pc and sent it to my DM literally yesterday and now it’s too late to go back and incorporate this idea. Though the mind boggles thinking about what a disaster dao patron would look like. Stubborn autistic-coded grump who takes everything too seriously and alienates people by being ‘brutally honest’ all the time? Kinda like Perturabo from Warhammer.

This is a BRILLIANT idea.

 

[doctorbadwolf]

That's actually how I feel Wizards should do the God's and Powers. Kind of like in the later Thor movies. Over the top, dysfunctional, petty.

I could see that for sure. Theros is kinda like that but in a more serious way. I’d love to see a more….not farcical but just fun take.

I hate this post, because I finished writing the background of my new warlock pc and sent it to my DM literally yesterday and now it’s too late to go back and incorporate this idea. Though the mind boggles thinking about what a disaster dao patron would look like. Stubborn autistic-coded grump who takes everything too seriously and alienates people by being ‘brutally honest’ all the time? Kinda like Perturabo from Warhammer.

This is a BRILLIANT idea.

Oh my god that sounds amazing!
You should definitely talk to your GM about flavoring the patron a little more that way, but let them run with it.