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Message: <blockquote data-quote="buzz" data-source="post: 1554527" data-attributes="member: 6777">I don't remember having serious anxiety as a teen, but that was when I played exclusively with long-time friends, and none of us knew the rules (so there was really nothing to get "wrong"). <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Now, however, I play with groups I met via the 'Net, and I'm much more of a stickler for knowing a game inside and out. Consequently, forget GM anxiety; I get *player* anxiety. It took me a while to feel comfortable with the other people and with the game system. I'm pretty eager to run something again --other than a one-off 3e game and some nostalgic 1e romps, I haven't GM'ed since 1989-- but I get paranoid that I don't know the rules well enough, or that the groups won't like my style, or that I'm fast enough on my feet to challenge the players, or that I'm forcing them to try a game they won't like ("C'mon guys. d20 Modern is really, really cool."), and so on.Not to mention, I always seem unable to focus on a task at hand. E.g., I can tell you all about the Eberron campaign I may never get to run, but I'm totally blocked coming up with the d20M game I'm running for Chicago Gameday. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f631.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":eek:" title="Eek!    :eek:"  data-smilie="9"data-shortname=":eek:" />Part of this anxiety may stem from expectations. I'm very demanding as a player, which makes me a demanding GM; I want every gaming experience I create to be extraordinary. Ergo, I put a lot of pressure on myself to do a good job, which can be stifling (and which is why it's easier to work on a campaign I know may never happen).What gets me through (hopefully) is knowing that, in the past, players have always been wowed by my GMing, and that I'm nonetheless supremely confident that the ideas and techniques I have are really good... even if I do get daunted implementing them.The remainder of the year should be a trial by fire for me. I'll be running the aformentioned d20M game at Chicago gameday (heck, I'm the new organizer of the event!), and I'll most likely be starting a long-term campaign for one of my groups. I'm hoping these will go well and give me my "sea legs" back, as it were.</blockquote>

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