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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Sir Brennen" data-source="post: 5159693" data-attributes="member: 553">Oh, I wasn't referring to the scenes themselves as "tedious". They're fine and you're obviously enjoying writing them.I was referring to the *method* of delivering the in-game scenes, if they were going to be similar to what was done in the sample you gave - having him passively watch the episodes intercutting with full blown descriptive game action and static real-world reactions. Even if he's actually playing the game at times, it's still someone sitting there, telling us what's going on in a game he's playing. As mentioned before, show, don't tell. Action before dialogue, dialogue before thought.I also don't know if I'd want to have the equivalent experience of having a Tom Clancy novel open next to a John Carter on Mars book on the table, reading a few paragraphs in one then switching to the other for a few paragraphs, then back again. Not for more than a few pages anyway. That's why I think keeping the two a bit more separate might be more effective. Give us the description of a particular scene of in-game action as a whole. It can be in first person, that's fine. Since we already know what happened in the video or session Jaime's playing, we only need his comments about it - and it's relevance to the rest of the real world plot - not the description. So you can focus on where you're at in the present moment. "When Margaret shows up on the screen, Chelsea giggles." Only the reference is needed, because we already know what happened.I think this approach would not only strengthen your real-world narrative, but the in-game one, too, as it would feel more real without phrases like "as the camera moves" and "the digital breeze" reminding us that it isn't.</blockquote>

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