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Message: <blockquote data-quote="fusangite" data-source="post: 2721239" data-attributes="member: 7240">This is your problem right here. I'm four years older than you are and only slightly less of a romantic failure. The point is, though, that life is worth living, beautiful and meaningful even if you never find a girlfriend. Because I've been approaching my "ten years single" anniversary lately, I've been feeling more like you than I usually do. However, over all, in the past several years, despite my days of having a girlfriend receding behind me with no new partner in sight, my life has got steadily better each year. I am fitter, more financially secure and happier than I have been in a long time -- moreso, even, than I was for much of my relationship.The first problem you need to solve has nothing to do with finding a date; you have to confront the ugly possibility that you may never find a girlfriend and build a life that is worth living in spite of that. Life can be beautiful, meaningful and enjoyable, full of friends and good times even if you die a virgin. Get back to work on your depression problems with new tools like anti-depressants, counselling, exercise, a better diet and, most importantly, expand and deepen your network of friendships. Some people will tell you that you should do this because doing this will make you more attractive; it hasn't worked out that way for me; but it was nevertheless worth doing because I love my life, even if I can only share it with my friends and relatives.Be prepared for a bunch of stupid responses to this statement. I used to ask for advice and help with confidence-building strategies. But every single exchange I've had about it is basically, "Can you help me be more self-confident?" "Yeah -- nobody will be attracted to you if you're not self-confident.""I know. That's why I need to figure out a confidence-building strategy.""Yeah. You have to learn to be confident.""I know. How do I do that?""Stop being difficult. If you're not confident, nobody will date you."Etc.Don't even try asking people for help with this in this forum. Most people are self-confident because their self-image is not empirically-grounded. They assume they have a worth or value totally independent of what others think of them. Clearly this is a healthy, if inaccurate, way to think. You sound like someone who bases his opinions on evidence. So, naturally, the more times you are rejected, the less value you feel you have because there is an ever-increasing mass of empirical evidence telling you that you are unworthy as a romantic partner. And although people go on about how women's priorities change over time, I don't really buy it. My landlady, at the age of 61, just dumped a guy who was stupid and narcissitic. Why? Not because he was as dumb as a rock and incapable of talking about anything other than himself but because he was not self-confident enough. To quote a self help book aphorism/poem my mother used to read to herself, "Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden." Buy some more porn and start planning for a fulfilling and meaningful single life.Yep. You're perceptive and clever. Those attributes won't help you either.How did you lose your friends? This sounds to me like your real problem. I think you focused on the female companionship thing in your post because you know it has a track record of getting lots of attention on ENWorld whereas having no friends, a much more serious problem, doesn't. Glad we could at least function as a sounding board. My immediate advice: call one of your old friends and invite them to go drinking with you.</blockquote>

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