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Message: <blockquote data-quote="WhimsyTheFae" data-source="post: 2726752" data-attributes="member: 8964">Confidence 101 (I'll leave the 200/300/400 classes for others)So, you want to build confidence.  Normally confidence is felt when you do something that you're good at.  Here is a step-by-step process to build some confidence (maybe not a lot, but it's a start).Step 1.  Get a piece of paper.Step 2.  Get a pencil (or pen).Step 3.  Write down at least 5 things that you are good at (making people laugh, math, eating, whatever).Step 4.  Put a check mark by each one (you're already good at them, mission accomplished - in the correct situations, these will be your strengths - this is you starting point...your initial confidence).***at this point, you can feel free to stop, try and channel your activities to the things that you've listed and move forward with the confidence that you already have)***Step 5.  Start a new column of things that you want to be good at.Step 6.  Identify activities that will help you become good at those things (if you put dancing, take a class; if you put better physical appearance, start exercising - perhaps you can help your back/if not, try and work around it, that's what I have to do when my back fails me - ; if you want to be a better conversationalist, join some sort of public speaking group like an Optimists Club or something).Step 7.  Face these new activities as a challenge and overcome them (will it be daunting, probably; will you be afraid, I am at times; will it add some initial stress, yes - live with it, for to build confidence you have to move outside your comfort zone).Step 8.  Recognize your growing confidence as you are able to do things you weren't able to before or do things better than you were able to before.Step 9.  Don't become arrogant  <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" /> .Step 10.  If you aren't interested in it, don't do it (you don't need to be good at everything in order to be confident, there are only so many hours in the day).I suffer from social anxiety (moderate to debilitating) and have had times where I've broken down to a shaken puddle of human flesh.  I have been paralyzed by my fear and have often found it easier to run the other way, but let me say that when I stiffen my upper lip, tell my brain to F-OFF (sorry Eric's Grandma) and jump into the uncomfortable situation I often find that it isn't even close to as bad as I thought that it would be (and usually I thank myself, later)...If you are uncomfortable in public situations, get in them.  If you are uncomfortable asking women on a date, ask them (it's one thing to flirt with a women, it's another thing totally to just come right out and say, "would you like to go out on a date this weekend?" - after you talk for a bit, of course).  If you have a social flaw that may turn women off, be upfront with it (I don't know much about Tourette's, but if you aren't already doing so, disclose the information in a way that says, "yes, I have Tourette's, but it isn't an issue").Part of the difficulty in giving advice on being more confident, is that you sort of have to just do it.  Puff your chest out (not in a weird way), walk with a swagger (not too much) and know inside that you are cool with you (if lady #1 isn't, it's her loss, so go on and talk to lady #2).  Don't act, it's too easy to see through (in other words, don't fake confidence - stick with what your good at and become good at more things), unless you are a very good actor (in which case, I would say that you have some confidence that you aren't admitting to).Take all of this as what it is - a work in progress.  I have been successful when I have followed this advice and have failed miserably when I have deviated.  I have tried to act cool, but failed because it was clear to everyone that I wasn't what I was trying to be (in my case, I can do funny, flirtatious and spontaneous; I don't do tough, worldly or enigmatic and I am only moderately successful at intellectual, introspective and philosophical).  Do what your good at and get better at what you want to do (that is what I am working on - for example, I don't want to be tough, so I'll skip that one - I would like to be more intellectual, so I try to educate myself).  This year has been a year of challenges, successes and failures - I came out of my shell at Gen Con and met a lot of great people and had fun (success), I joined the Jaycees in order to volunteer my time and become more social (work in progress), I enrolled in school to get a bachelor's in management (failure at the moment).Hopefully some of this helps, but it is really just a more detailed way of saying to just do it and don't worry about what other people think.  If you succeed, pat yourself on the back.  If you fail, learn from it.  Don't give up.  Don't surrender.  You are your own worst enemy, your own best friend and your own greatest coach.Positive thinking is your biggest weapon, no matter how lame or flower child that sounds.  This will take time.</blockquote>

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