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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ralts Bloodthorne" data-source="post: 2727890" data-attributes="member: 6390">OK, pull up a chair, hand me that bottle whiskey, and shut the hell up. Listen up, and listen good.Number One: YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN! STOP ACTING LIKE ONE!"I'm shy, sensitive, like long walks in the moonlight, and want to make some lucky man a good wife!" is practically what I read. You're not equipped to be a lesbain. Quit watched Ellen and watch ESPN. Go out and play football with some friends. Get bloody, dirty, smelly, go to the tavern afterwards and stop worrying about other people's feelings.Seriously, stop worrying about your looks. I'm uglier than a chimp that fell out of an ugly tree, hit every branch twice on the way down, hit the ugly highway, and was run over by the ugly truck. Guess what! I got women. Don't worry about looks.I'll give you some basic advice. Some of this has already been covered, and some people will say I'm wrong.Number the Two: WASH YOUR STANKY BUTT! Every morning, when you get home from work, and every night before you press your skin on those sheets. And wash your hair! Bathing is necessary. NOBODY sniffs someone else and says: Ooooh, (s)he smells like unwashed buttcrack on a three day dead prostitute, I gotta have them, right now, on the table. WASH WASH WASH! Choose a soap that goes with your sweat too. This is vitally important. There's a couple of deodorants that combine with my sweat and make me smell like I just got done wrestling a puma! This may cost a little cash, but buy samples or small bottles, and spray it on a sweaty shirt, and sniff it.Use cologne or aftershave SPARINGLY! She wants a slight wiff of it when she's close, not tasting it in her chalupa two hours later. Spritz it in front of you and walk through the mist quickly. That's enough. If you can smell it strongly, go back and repeat the above, try again.The Holy Three: WEAR CLEAN CLOTHING! For the love of GOD! Nothing is worse than someone wearing pants that could come up to the bar and order drinks on thier own. That black shirt you got for free with a copy of SOCOM 3 that hasn't been washed since the factory isn't going to cut it. You need to wear clean, decent clothing.Every meeting is an interview. View it that way. Dress decently, but comfortably. There's nothing wrong with wearing slacks and a button up tie to a club. If the rednecks laugh, ignore them, are you trying to date THEM?Four by Four: Maintain eye contact. Guess what, when talking to a woman, her ears are NOT located on thier chest. Glance away at the surroundings once in awhile, but for the most part, FOCUS ON HER! Do you want HER to put out, or the TV behind the bar. If you chose the TV, I can't help you, but Wal-Mart Electronics might be able to.Fifth Element: Don't talk down to her. Talk WITH her, not to her. You want an equal, not a verbal sponge. Talking WITH her shows that you are listening, that you have a spine. Oh, and on that line...Sixth Seal: Have a damn spine. Don't be afraid to say no, but don't say no to everything. A good estimate, let the things taht don't matter go her way, that way the important things she will listen to you about. Don't be afraid to say: "I hate that bar, the bartender smells like a dead hobo in the sun on a pile of dead fish" when she wants to go in there.Seventh Heaven: Don't think about looks. You know those models? They aren't real. They look NOTHING like that in real life, and if you actually found someone built like one of those airbrush models, call 911 because when she takes a step her waist will snap in half and spray you with entrails. Want to know a secret? Those pretty girls are crap in the sack. They're lazy, self-indulgent, and expect having a body to be the whole experience. See the plain girl with glasses quietly reading that book? She let's that hair hit the pillow, you might need an ambulance when she's done. If you go off of looks, put your eyes out with an ice pick, you'll be happier.Eight Points of Seperation: Girls talk. About everything. From what you did, to how you did it, to how long you took, to the way you acted before, during, afterward, to where you took them, to how you smelled, tasted, everything. She will tell her friends all the dirty details. If you can't handle that, or can't think beyond yourself, start figuring out how to break into the zoo after dark.Nine Ways to Leave: Break ups WILL happen. Fights, arguements, disagreements. They happen. A mature thing is to get by them. BUT, never ever ever ever ever ever cheat on a woman. She will tell her friends, who will tell her friends, and everyone who didn't know while you were doing it, will be told by both of the women, and no local woman will EVER trust you again. At least, not after your ex or one of her friends sees you together. Just because Girl A is putting out doesn't suddenly make you the King of Vagina.Ten of Clubs: Continue being nice. Keep a little of the meekness. GET RID OF THE MEEKNESS! No woman wakes up and thinks: "You know, I've never tried bestiality, I'll bed a mouse today!" No woman wants to date a woman in a man's body. Being meek means letting people walk over you in public opinion. You need to have your opinions on politics, religion, etc. Let her slowly swing you to some of her views, but have your own opinions, have a backbone, don't give in to everything.Listen to some of the advice in here! Look, an RPG board is probably NOT the best place to ask for advice. Nowhere on the internet is. You're painting a big target on your head and being surprised when you get shot in face.If you give up after only a few tries, after trying to change, you will never get anywhere in life.Want to know something?Most women are worried about the following:Employability. Can you get and HOLD a job. Livability. Do you live with Mommy? Say goodbye to the ladies.Rapport. Do you actually listen? Actually hold a conversation with her face, or are you too busy mumbling at her breasts?Looks come in a bad fourth, at best.Listen to Teflon Billy. Listen to other people in this thread.Don't do the Boomhauer School of Dating, but make no mistake, while you learn to crawl, your gonna smash your face on the carpet a few times.Just because she doesn't want to date you the first night doesn't mean she won't remember you and how polite and nice you were the next time she sees you in the club.</blockquote>

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