Reply to thread

Message

<blockquote data-quote="John Dallman" data-source="post: 8187478" data-attributes="member: 6999616">A long sentence, which does not flow nicely. &quot;Productions&quot; is not a natural word for game sessions, and the repetition of the three-word phrase &quot;tabletop roleplaying systems&quot; really weights the sentence down. Long sentence, pretentious language, and a claim that, as a role-player of 41 years experience, I find very doubtful. A really long and turgid sentence, lots of jargon, and what seems to me like a fallacious argument. When gamers focus on details, it's usually because they don't understand the events that the GM is trying to portray, and they ask about the thing that makes the least sense to them. A short sentence, but it's spoiled by having the same three-word phrase again. Spelling error &quot;where&quot; should be &quot;were&quot;. Grammar error, should be &quot;of my own creation&quot; rather than &quot;of my own creativity&quot;. Unnecessarily complex sentence construction. If you put the list of game titles in alphabetical order, it will read more smoothly. You need to acknowledge all the games' trademarks. Here's a re-written version:Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying game (TTRPG) with a new purpose. It tries to provide entertainment to spectators, as well as participants. To do this, it concentrates on keeping the story flowing, and maintaining the participants' interest. Normal TTRPGs are prone to slow pacing, frequent halts and too much concentration on details for spectators to be able to treat them as improvised theatre. Most of the game's ideas were inspired by other TTRPGs, including Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons, Never Going Home, Paranoia, Ten Candles, Unhallowed Metropolis, the World of Darkness family, and, most importantly, Fiasco.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="John Dallman, post: 8187478, member: 6999616"] A long sentence, which does not flow nicely. "Productions" is not a natural word for game sessions, and the repetition of the three-word phrase "tabletop roleplaying systems" really weights the sentence down. Long sentence, pretentious language, and a claim that, as a role-player of 41 years experience, I find very doubtful. A really long and turgid sentence, lots of jargon, and what seems to me like a fallacious argument. When gamers focus on details, it's usually because they don't understand the events that the GM is trying to portray, and they ask about the thing that makes the least sense to them. A short sentence, but it's spoiled by having the same three-word phrase [i]again[/i]. Spelling error "where" should be "were". Grammar error, should be "of my own creation" rather than "of my own creativity". Unnecessarily complex sentence construction. If you put the list of game titles in alphabetical order, it will read more smoothly. You need to acknowledge all the games' trademarks. Here's a re-written version: Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying game (TTRPG) with a new purpose. It tries to provide entertainment to spectators, as well as participants. To do this, it concentrates on keeping the story flowing, and maintaining the participants' interest. Normal TTRPGs are prone to slow pacing, frequent halts and too much concentration on details for spectators to be able to treat them as improvised theatre. Most of the game's ideas were inspired by other TTRPGs, including Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons, Never Going Home, Paranoia, Ten Candles, Unhallowed Metropolis, the World of Darkness family, and, most importantly, Fiasco. [/QUOTE]

Verification