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Message: <blockquote data-quote="ptrpete" data-source="post: 967847" data-attributes="member: 7125">I wanted to reply to thisDifficult to do on your own, because likely you don't realise what you are subconsciously doing to trigger the bad things happening.  What I have found with my own problems is two things:(a)Most of your fear is unfounded, but part is a real possibility.  By saying "its all unfounded" you ignore the real danger and so get into trouble again.  You need to find a trusted friend to talk about your fears, often you will realise what is real and not when you say it; but sometimes you need the friend listening to you to say what is something to be careful of and what is BS that I can ignore.  Then you can find ways of dealing with the real things and (with practice) overcome your unfounded fears.For example, maybe you think that a whole gang of people always make jokes at you.  But actualy it is only one member of that group, the others just laugh along.  So do things with that group when the one person is not around, and think of things to say back to him.  Or worst case, find another group of people where that one person is not present ever.(b)People fall into patterns of behavior and routine.  Often this is harmless, e.g. always having the same type of coffee or always washing your left leg before your right when showering.  People just like familiarity, and do these things automatically, without thinking.  But sometimes people get into self-destructive patterns.  Even though you know saying X or doing Y will lead to you getting hurt you do it automatically, without thinking, and later think "why did I do that?".  When you get into one of these situations, you need to recognise what happens so that you can stop from repeating the behavior.  But you probably don't realise what is happening, so you need someone you trust to point it out.  If you don't trust them, you WILL ignore their advice (I did).  But if you trust them, then they are probably not going to say things that might upset you.  So you need to ask them to say what they see, even though it will hurt your feelings in the short term.  If this doesn't happen, then you will never realise what the pattern is and be unable to stop it (not that it will be easy, but at least it will be possible).You might find it easier to talk to a therapist rather than a friend.  I know I was very embarrassed to talk to my friends about my problems, but a professional who is bound by patient confidentiality was not a problem.</blockquote>

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