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Message: <blockquote data-quote="RangerWickett" data-source="post: 2071078" data-attributes="member: 63">Wulf, damn.  I would love to have been beaten by you.  I know from your synopsis that the section you posted comes late in the story, but I think chasing a lightning rail would be a phenomenal opening for a book.The most I could say is that a bit more variety in explaining the actions of combat could have helped make the fight more vivid.  True, as a dwarf, Halrik only really needs to swing and take a few hits, but the monk could've been a little more animated.  You may have been squeezing to fit it into 10 pages, but the scene seemed like it deserved a bit more space to develop.  It's a train scene, in a pulp story.  You could easily have made a whole set piece of it, with several scenes on both sides of the chase.  It's still very fun as a sample, but if you compare it to, say, the truck chase scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, it feels like some of the potential was wasted.Still, Halrik is a great character, and even the quiet Steele is pretty cool.  I just finished watching the anime Full Metal Alchemist, so I'm quite enamored with a hulking, somewhat shy warforged.  Sil doesn't get enough screen time to show off his personality much, but hey, what are you going to do with 10 pages?All in all, it was a fun read.  You have the tone I would want to read in an Eberron novel.  I'm gonna have to read what the actual winner wrote now, to see how he beat us.  *grin*</blockquote>

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