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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Herremann the Wise" data-source="post: 4234509" data-attributes="member: 11300">Match Two / Thorod vs. EeralaiARWINK’S JUDGMENTThorod Ashstaff / To Weep in a Dark TimeI’m going to go right out and say it: Thorod started behind the eight ball with this one, as soon as he threw the word amnesia into the opening. One of the reasons you generally don’t see a lot of amnesia stories in magazines and books is because an editor tends to be inundated with them; “I woke up and didn’t know who I was/where I was” is a common opening for many unpublished story drafts because it puts the author and the character in exactly the same position – they know nothing and have to discover what’s going on at the same time. Unfortunately I couldn’t shake the feeling that this is what Thorod’s story was doing – the way the character gradually comes into focus, only really gaining definition and a real sense of wanting something at the very conclusion, feels kind of weak. It essentially ends at the point where the character becomes interesting – we’re presented by something she wants badly but can’t have, while we never really feel like discovering her name is all that important to her. Had we started with her waking, knowing that the chant was taking place and wishing she could end it, the ambiguity about her identity would be easier to accept and much more powerful as a narrative device.Despite this, Thorod has some solid picture use and some very nice metaphors scattered through the piece. The voice worked, for the most part, though the dialogue felt stilted and unnatural. The overall effect is that it is a story with strong potential, but the ideas haven’t quite finished gelling into their final form.Eeralai / JennaKudos for the hook here – a vampire nun attending a ritual during the day is a great way to grab a reader’s attention and keep it locked in place. A vampire that sees their curse as an irritating inconvenience rather than a reason for self-torture is even better. A vampire-dryad? Well, I’m interested. One of the strengths of this kind of set-up, especially in something like Ceramic DM, is that it earns you a lot of leeway – you’re promising me something I’ve seen before so as a reader I’m willing to give you the space to make it work, and you take that leeway and don’t let us down. The real strength of the piece is the narrative voice, which bubbles along with a lot of energy. It’s naturalistic and flows well, though I didn’t quite buy the dialogue, especially the finally exchange of banter between Jenna and the angel. Overall I think this is a fun story, but it could be pushed a little further than it is at present. I’m a little up in the air over the ending, though that may well be because the frivolity isn’t really to my taste as a reader.JudgmentI give the round to Eeralai; her story has a sense of cohesion to it that isn’t quite there in Thorods tale, and I think she’s pushed the picture use further when it comes to providing us with the occasional surprise as a reader. THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISEI thought this was an intriguing set of images and was looking forward to reading how our competitors were going to deal with them. While there was a degree of diversity, there was still a unity to the pictures that I thought would allow our writer’s room to stretch their talents. Thorod has perhaps taken a slightly more conservative path whilst Eeralai has let loose like a horse being given its head.For Thorod Ashtaff, the just awoken memory thing I think worked OK here. I suppose I’m the type of reader who is happy to go along for the ride – and it was a ride I enjoyed. By the end though, I had a few questions and by two read-throughs later, they were still left unanswered. Sometimes this can be a good thing as a reader wonders about some profundity but on this occasion, I was querying why she did what she did in regards to Jake. Dramatically when I first read that she had killed Jake, I was blown away; shortly after though, the weight that should have been behind this event just wasn’t there for me as a reader. Again, the brevity of a match can force certain decisions by the author that if given more time, they would do differently. Having said that though, Thorod continues on completing in the end what I thought was a fine piece. Your picture use was pretty strong throughout and so congratulations.I have to bow to Eeralai for her piece here. The thought of the combined urges of Dryad and Vampire just made me laugh. The light humourous tone of the piece was majestically maintained with the eventual conclusion feeling right. However, the thing I appreciated even more than this was the intertwining of images and story. It was a seamless and stellar effort for our other competitors to learn from. Each image had presence and purpose in the story, as if you had sucked out the absolute purpose of the pictures provided. Well written and congratulations on a marvellous piece.Judgment: Eeralai for a superb effort but congratulations to Thorod here too for a great performance as well. While I enjoyed both stories, the vampiric dryad did it for me this time.MALDUR’S JUDGMENTYou two are making this hard.Thorod Ashstaff, gloomy, almost pandoraish story. Nice idea, allthough I dont get why jake had to die.Eeralai with an almost Anita Blake style mixing of races and outragious action ... funky.Judgement: Thorod ashstaffFINAL JUDGMENTEeralai takes the biscuits this round but only with a two to one advantage. Well done to Thorod, and best of luck for next time.</blockquote>

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