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EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!
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<blockquote data-quote="Herremann the Wise" data-source="post: 4237064" data-attributes="member: 11300"><p><strong>Match Six / Ycore Rixle vs. Rangerwickett</strong></p><p></p><p><u>ARWINK’S JUDGMENT</u></p><p></p><p>Ycore Rixle / The Scooter Preacher’s Daughter</p><p></p><p>Thus far, Ycore has put together my favourite opening paragraph of the competition. Such a mundane moment, but the phrasing and the choice of details tell us that the conflict is coming and provides us subtle detail about the character. And the rest of the story carries with the trend – tight plotting, great choices when it comes to the description, and a series of engaging characters that layered conflicts that slowly twine together. One of my favourite moments was the start of section two, when we’re told that “Home was a trinary star system in a galaxy of misery” and the grandeur of that metaphor is gradually winnowed down to something more mundane and unhappy (much like Theresa’s potential at this point).</p><p>Despite the strength of the story, I have to admit that I don’t think the title compliments it. It’s a good title, but there’s not enough made of Mama as the Scooter Preacher to really give it resonance. </p><p></p><p>Rangerwickett / The Contest of Harmony and Invention</p><p></p><p>Rangerwickett gives us a very focused and polished story, which is always a bonus in Ceramic DM, but the overall effect still feels a little flat for me. The story handles the external conflict of the storm and the demon well, but I couldn’t get a sense of the internal struggle that Jordan faces and overcomes. Without that internal struggle in place, most of Jordan’s choice are being robbed of their importance and the climax seems like something of a false high because, realistically, once Jordan accepts that there is such a thing as demons and all he has to do is play violin to save his home, why wouldn’t he? It’s something of a non-choice, although it has the illusion of choice there. If I had had a greater sense that, say, he didn’t quite understand his relationship with his home city, or he had turned against his mother’s beliefs and refused to accept there was such a thing as a demon, then I think the choice to believe and play would have had a greater resonance and become a true climactic moment that would elevate the story and change our protagonist at a fundamental level. </p><p></p><p>Judgment</p><p></p><p>Both of these stories are strong work, quite possibly the strongest we’ve had in the first round to my eyes, but I’m going to give this round to Ycore Rixle. While the Scooter Preacher’s Daughter wasn’t as polished as Rangerwickett’s tale, I felt more hooked into the characters Ycore presented us with and that his picture-use was a touch stronger. That said, I think Rangerwickett has a brilliant foundation for building a highly-effective story there, albeit one that needs a solid redraft without the looming time-crunch of ceramic DM to bring it to the fore. </p><p></p><p><u>THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE</u></p><p></p><p>This was one of those sets of pictures that went in several opposing directions – a real traditional Ceramic DM to be sure. It was going to be tough to tame them into a coherent story, but I think both of our competitors did a great job.</p><p></p><p>Ycore Rixle has spun a tale of a young geeky, loser-in-love, mother-dominated mycologist that while totally and utterly bizarre, really gelled for me (pardon the pun please). I think full marks for writing and style here with the slowly built tension well crafted – you had me for the whole four-and-a-half thousand word ride. I have to say that I liked the space and room you gave the story, allowing the tale to gently unfold. Strictly speaking, your picture use was only OK rather than great with both the magic candle and the spiralling foliage images being little more than visual waypoints. I think if you advance further, in this competition, I’d like to see a slightly more solid use of the images provided – although admittedly, these ones were pretty tough. Your use of additional resources may be frowned upon by some, but I thought this a nice touch that added to the overall experience. Congratulations on a story that will stick in my head for quite a while...fungus... who would have thought.</p><p></p><p>Rangerwickett has done a lot of things very well in his story but there is something nagging in the back of my head about it. Whilst the storm was raging (excellent description!), and guns were a-firing and a strange young woman was mysteriously appearing, I never felt that our hero Jordan was in any true life-threatening danger. I don’t know if it was the images that failed to inspire enough inherent tension or if whenever there was some element of conflict in the story it was resolved just a little too quickly/easily? I think this is a shame because the story was excellently conceived, brilliantly written (Rangerwickett has a real knack for placing words exactly where they should go) and the images were well covered. </p><p></p><p>This has been a really tough match for me to split. Whilst Rangerwickett has ticks in so many boxes, I think I’ll go with Ycore for this match with a story that I enjoyed just a tad more. If possible, I would go for a draw and flag both competitors through.</p><p></p><p><u>MALDUR’S JUDGMENT</u></p><p></p><p>Secret mushroom experiments, what the heck? it is so silly, it became hilarious.</p><p></p><p>Floods, bayou, mysterious happenings. Although sometime a little too descriptive.</p><p></p><p>Judgement: Rangerwickett</p><p></p><p><u>FINAL JUDGMENT</u></p><p>Ycore Rixle has the most coffee beans at the end of the judging and scrapes through in perhaps the most hotly contested match of round one. Very well done to both competitors for crafting such fantastic stories.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Herremann the Wise, post: 4237064, member: 11300"] [B]Match Six / Ycore Rixle vs. Rangerwickett[/B] [U]ARWINK’S JUDGMENT[/U] Ycore Rixle / The Scooter Preacher’s Daughter Thus far, Ycore has put together my favourite opening paragraph of the competition. Such a mundane moment, but the phrasing and the choice of details tell us that the conflict is coming and provides us subtle detail about the character. And the rest of the story carries with the trend – tight plotting, great choices when it comes to the description, and a series of engaging characters that layered conflicts that slowly twine together. One of my favourite moments was the start of section two, when we’re told that “Home was a trinary star system in a galaxy of misery” and the grandeur of that metaphor is gradually winnowed down to something more mundane and unhappy (much like Theresa’s potential at this point). Despite the strength of the story, I have to admit that I don’t think the title compliments it. It’s a good title, but there’s not enough made of Mama as the Scooter Preacher to really give it resonance. Rangerwickett / The Contest of Harmony and Invention Rangerwickett gives us a very focused and polished story, which is always a bonus in Ceramic DM, but the overall effect still feels a little flat for me. The story handles the external conflict of the storm and the demon well, but I couldn’t get a sense of the internal struggle that Jordan faces and overcomes. Without that internal struggle in place, most of Jordan’s choice are being robbed of their importance and the climax seems like something of a false high because, realistically, once Jordan accepts that there is such a thing as demons and all he has to do is play violin to save his home, why wouldn’t he? It’s something of a non-choice, although it has the illusion of choice there. If I had had a greater sense that, say, he didn’t quite understand his relationship with his home city, or he had turned against his mother’s beliefs and refused to accept there was such a thing as a demon, then I think the choice to believe and play would have had a greater resonance and become a true climactic moment that would elevate the story and change our protagonist at a fundamental level. Judgment Both of these stories are strong work, quite possibly the strongest we’ve had in the first round to my eyes, but I’m going to give this round to Ycore Rixle. While the Scooter Preacher’s Daughter wasn’t as polished as Rangerwickett’s tale, I felt more hooked into the characters Ycore presented us with and that his picture-use was a touch stronger. That said, I think Rangerwickett has a brilliant foundation for building a highly-effective story there, albeit one that needs a solid redraft without the looming time-crunch of ceramic DM to bring it to the fore. [U]THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE[/U] This was one of those sets of pictures that went in several opposing directions – a real traditional Ceramic DM to be sure. It was going to be tough to tame them into a coherent story, but I think both of our competitors did a great job. Ycore Rixle has spun a tale of a young geeky, loser-in-love, mother-dominated mycologist that while totally and utterly bizarre, really gelled for me (pardon the pun please). I think full marks for writing and style here with the slowly built tension well crafted – you had me for the whole four-and-a-half thousand word ride. I have to say that I liked the space and room you gave the story, allowing the tale to gently unfold. Strictly speaking, your picture use was only OK rather than great with both the magic candle and the spiralling foliage images being little more than visual waypoints. I think if you advance further, in this competition, I’d like to see a slightly more solid use of the images provided – although admittedly, these ones were pretty tough. Your use of additional resources may be frowned upon by some, but I thought this a nice touch that added to the overall experience. Congratulations on a story that will stick in my head for quite a while...fungus... who would have thought. Rangerwickett has done a lot of things very well in his story but there is something nagging in the back of my head about it. Whilst the storm was raging (excellent description!), and guns were a-firing and a strange young woman was mysteriously appearing, I never felt that our hero Jordan was in any true life-threatening danger. I don’t know if it was the images that failed to inspire enough inherent tension or if whenever there was some element of conflict in the story it was resolved just a little too quickly/easily? I think this is a shame because the story was excellently conceived, brilliantly written (Rangerwickett has a real knack for placing words exactly where they should go) and the images were well covered. This has been a really tough match for me to split. Whilst Rangerwickett has ticks in so many boxes, I think I’ll go with Ycore for this match with a story that I enjoyed just a tad more. If possible, I would go for a draw and flag both competitors through. [U]MALDUR’S JUDGMENT[/U] Secret mushroom experiments, what the heck? it is so silly, it became hilarious. Floods, bayou, mysterious happenings. Although sometime a little too descriptive. Judgement: Rangerwickett [U]FINAL JUDGMENT[/U] Ycore Rixle has the most coffee beans at the end of the judging and scrapes through in perhaps the most hotly contested match of round one. Very well done to both competitors for crafting such fantastic stories. [/QUOTE]
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EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!
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