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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Piratecat" data-source="post: 4262236" data-attributes="member: 2">Frank, comments on our stories:[sblock]First, let me say that I got entirely the wrong image of "eldritch seals."  <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin    :D"  data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />The thing I love most about your story is the language and the setting. Both are great. You've done a wonderful job of evoking images (the clockwork tortoises, wiping lime on the lips at the beginning of the speech, stars in the firmament) that stay with you. This language and cadence strongly underscored the nature of Sarntis as a dream city. Nicely done. I also like how you played with scale for the picture of the giant monster. I hadn't thought of something that humongous! It's a very powerful image that way.I do see Berandor's point. I wonder if the story would read differently if he was "the loyal" and he's setting hounds on people because he has the best interest of Sarntis at mind, at the expense of the individual citizens. This is a good reminder for me that small changes matter. I sometimes forget this while I'm writing.My story was hard to write this time; I threw away as much dialogue as I wrote. It took me a while to get the tone right, as well as an ending I was happy with. I tried fixed endings  - one where he's fully swayed by the adventurer's (clearly a bard!) temptations, and one where he learns deception and plans to betray him. Both seemed trite and too pat, stuck in for the sake of convenience. I decided to go with the more realistic and less certain ending instead. For me, I think that was the right choice. But darn, it took me a while to get the conversation sounding correct, and even now there are some tweaks I'd like to make. Welcome to life, I guess.The story started to work for me when I decided to make the monster the narrator. I liked the idea of this ultra-powerful threat being basically a friendly, lonely guy with an unpleasant task. Naive and sort of childish, but tremendously difficult to defeat even though it's essential that his plan not be finished. If you can't fight him with swords or spells, what weapons can you use? Language and friendship, maybe. [/sblock]</blockquote>

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