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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Berandor" data-source="post: 4278238" data-attributes="member: 225">Rodrigo Istalindir[sblock]What happened at the break? Up to the end of your first post, I was in awe. The narrator was great, the story was in full swing, and I had just gotten a good glimpse at the darkness hiding beneath the humorous tone. The coke image was great, though the aftermath was *very* bloody.But then it seemed as if I’d missed part of the story – or maybe time caught up with you? Suddenly the narrator is dead set on doing the right thing and he’s capable of snapping a guard's neck like a carrot stick. He hacks himself into a security lab and sneaks out without much of a hitch. It all went pretty easy – I felt more tension during the car chase. The picture with the doctor on a tree was kind of iffy, too – but I loved the chanting bears, and that’s where the gruesome coke aftermath helped because you didn’t really need to describe what happens next. Though a description of the doctor standing on top of a slaughtered security guard howling victory at the sun? Perhaps.In the end I thought the set-up was brilliant but the pay-off was a little weak. Still, a good enough story to advance on most days. This day, too? We’ll see.[/sblock]Piratecat:[sblock]I liked that story, but not as much as others you did this round. I’ll try to explain why. Until the characters got to the field, the story felt a little too much like exposition to me. This is the world. This is the problem. This is what’s going on. It didn’t feel dream-like or mythical enough for me, but also not technical enough to make it humorous (a beaurocracy of dreams, for example). Or maybe it was that we were told all these things, and only shown in glimpses.There were small touches I enjoyed (the McDonald’s reference to name one). And some that were bothering me: Amy has problems understanding the new world, but they have a sign designed to fool Google Earth?The part in "Nebraska" was great, though – especially since from a short glance at the pictures, I *had* thought there were stalks of wheat. The end was fine, and I accept that the "girl sitting on tree"-picture was a pain to integrate. See also Rodrigo’s story. I wouldn’t call it a bad story, really, just that I’m used to even better stuff from you. It’ll be a tough decision this round, I think, and from only reading once (admittedly), I’d go with Rodrigo this time. Good luck![/sblock]</blockquote>

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