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Message: <blockquote data-quote="EzekielRaiden" data-source="post: 9291787" data-attributes="member: 6790260">Okay. Does this actually add any knowledge we didn't know before? "Don't tolerate jerks" is hardly some fantastical revelation. "Avoid confusing mere weakness for wickedness," on the other hand, is an extremely important point that is easily forgotten, especially in this day and age of extremism, partisanship, finger-pointing, etc., etc. "Don't tolerate jerks" is a maxim as old as jerks--older than language, most certainly. "Avoid confusing mere weakness for wickedness" is quite a bit newer, and quite a bit more human (in the sense that it requires fairly high self-reflection, a rare trait in the animal kingdom.)Okay. We already know how to deal with them, and why. Many people do not know how to deal with the former, despite the fact that pretty much everyone has been in those shoes at some point. Well-known cognitive biases, such as the fundamental attribution error, or various self-serving biases, are a big problem that lots of people either aren't aware of or aren't sure how to forestall. Hence why the "gatekeeping is good" video (which is pretty clearly a clickbait title, since the youtuber immediately noted that some gatekeeping is bad and spent at least as much time talking about the bad kind as the "good" kind) spends a good minute or so just reminding DMs that communication and understanding can fix the vast majority of problems.That sort of stuff--how to resolve merely unfortunate stumbles, rather than how to identify outright personality/character flaws in a player--is just more interesting, more productive, and more important. "Don't tolerate jerks" is something children and cubs learn in the nursery. "Help someone work through their complex issues so they can contribute productively" is a complex, difficult thing that most adults struggle with.I have had multiple players who have some form of learning disability. For them, it is a struggle to remember...a lot of things. Not just game stuff. It takes them numerous repetitions to remember something that, for me, rarely takes more than being told once. This is exactly the sort of thing I mean: the rush to judgment that, because someone struggles to remember how the rules work, they must be lazy, harmful, even toxic players. The presumption that a difficulty that does not resolve on its own must mean that the player herself is difficult.Now, the incomplete character sheet thing, I can generally grant that. Even if someone struggles to learn and remember--aka, anyone with some kind of learning disability, which accounts for about 1 in 7 people--at least finishing the sheet isn't that much of an ask, and if they're having trouble filling it out, the ball is in their court for getting help with that. A simple, "Hey, I'm not sure what to do" or "I know I need to fill it out, but I really struggle with remembering everything I need to do, can we work on it before or after session sometime?" would do wonders. And there certainly is a potential risk of folks doing something nefarious with allegedly "forgetting" to fill it out, namely, altering the sheet post-chargen so they have whatever background they need rather than what they chose in advance, or whatever.But folks that are shy? Folks that struggle with getting into character? They're a dime a dozen. Driving them out of the hobby is not productive. Learning how to address concerns and work with them so everyone has a good time is rarely straightforward, usually a slow process, and frequently a unique challenge that requires patience and sensitivity. Y'know, things where it would be useful to discuss it.Someone being a dick and being asked politely but firmly to leave is pretty much the exact opposite. It's usually quite straightforward, a pretty quick process, and as simple as being frank and direct with someone that their behavior isn't acceptable.One of these things is actually interesting to discuss, and something lots of people would benefit from discussing. The other is exactly as simple as it seems: don't tolerate jerks.</blockquote>

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